Been married for 17 years - everything changed after we married. He won't look me in the eye even though I have specifically asked why? - His answer always is I do! - but he doesn't and seems to show me - I don't know why ( I think on purpose) he does the total opposite with everyone else - sometimes staring to make sure I notice he is looking at the person. I just don't understand and it is very frustrating. Any Idea?

I read in a book that men finds it confrontational to look them in the eye when you're asking something. It will be hard for them to open up. Same thing they don't show they are listening.Also you've been together for so long and he's moooore than familiar with everything about you sometimes that includes whatever comes after your mouth..

Maybe your intimidating! Maybe he doesn't know. More info.

Can we have more info... Is it during an argument or just normal conversation

Anytime, always, unless he feels like talking about what is important to him and very minimum eye contact. He claims it is just me but, believe me a spouse knows! I have confronted him, asked in many ways but he is also very stuburn and I think he likes me to notice how he is different w/everyone else - so sometimes I ignore or pretend to not notice or not look his way at that time. He is a good guy, a great dad, but seems to withdraw from what he knows I want and/or would like from him. Have been to counseling myself (he won't go) but there is so much they can do/say w/out him there.

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what he knows I want and/or would like from him.

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And how do you let him know what you expect from him??

I have in many ways: Calmly, at night time in bed, straight out "why won't u look me in the eye? hinted that he doesn't, I have asked if there is anything he needs to talk to me about, or if there is a reason why. He just won't admit it! I have also noticed he avoids going on dates, and prefers to bring the kids along. He doesn't understand that we need time alone and that communication is very important to both us. If he understands, maybe he just doesn't want to?

Or doesn't know how!

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Or doesn't know how!

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Maybe! Thank You! I have to think about this one!

If the worst he does is not look you in the eyes then I wouldn't make too big of a deal out of it. If you feel he is faithful and loving and that is the worst you can say about him then I would just chalk it up to a personality trait of his.

Mine want either but does everyone else. Think he has shame for things he has done to me but it just hurts me more.also I think he is intimidated because I am harping at him, wanting answers,he doesn't know what to say because he thinks nothing he says matters and will only make me more upset so he just avoids.he left me when I had an anuerysm and was in the hospital for a month. He was off doing drugs and sold my wedding ring and all other jewelry and the kids jewelry and all the money. Left the kids at home and wouldn't bring any of them to see me or even my mom who I take care of. It cut me to the bone and I forgave him but it still eats at me everyday and its been almost 4 yrs. Now.he thinks as long as he works and stays off drugs that is all we need. He doesn't hardly talk to me or kids and when he finds someone outside our home to talk to he is full of joy. Makes me very angry.I just want to give up some times.I love him so much and he can't see it or love me back in a way I need. He is suppose to be a friend too and I feel I am not too important to him. He does do some things to show he cares but I express other things I need and he ignores me. He makes me want to hate him and I think I should after all he has done to me but I can't. I figure its his problem but it affects me everyday and he doesn't care. I still have another aneurysm and don't need the stress but I can't just sit back and say its OK to feel lonely either. I was suppose to die and just want to live and enjoy life. I want to be loved and respected and sometimes I feel like he wanted me dead. He told people not enough happened to me obviously when I almost died,that hurt. I have done so many things to stay together but I feel I am letting myself down and being a fool. I drive him back and forth everyday to work and everywhere we go but I don't feel it is appreciated. He has no drivers license.I waited 4 yrs for him to get out of prison and we have been married 13 yrs.. He was my neighbor growing up and couldn't stand him. Knew he had problems but tried to have faith and got involved. I feel like I am his caretaker and then he gets pissed now because I ask him not to drink but yet he tells everyone I keep him straight. I should have never had to and should not have to now. The drinking is going to lead back to drugs and he is in denial. I will be done at this point. See, I don't work anymore due to my health but yet,I can't get disability and I feel he tries to hold it over my head but yet he knows money don't mean to me. I can survive. He knows I am strong and I think it intimidates him. He is just a fool and does stupid that leads to more stupid and regrets and I pay the price.Men are just strange creatures. You love them and you never feel like it is enough for them. They can't see that all we want is to be loved and feel it so deep in our hearts. I just told my husband he is chicken to betray me and make me believe in him and not even be able to look me in the eye anymore.He just came to bed drunk on 5 beers. Sad but true. He is still an alcoholic and denies. He doesn't drink much and not often.Maybe a 6 pack a week,sometimes two,but like I said, he is drunk on 5 beers.Rude, angry and mean when I tried to talk to him, then he got me so upset I started yelling, so I walked off and went on computer.Here I am, Don't think you are the only, lonely one.We have to love them or leave them.Sadly,it will probably have to be both because love doesn't just stop when you have a bad day. I love my husband but I hate him too.Yes, you can do both at the same time.Yes, I know I get mentally abused,emotionally abused also,but I am waiting to finally get enough. Scary to think of it because I love him with all my heart but I love me more.God did not give me this chance just to be sad all the time. So tired of crying. I swear every teardrop that goes down my face, he will regret each one on his death bed.I have loved when I shouldn't and when no one else cared about him.Shame on the men who treat women this way.When he is alone tomarrow it will all storm through his head and overwhelm him. I know my husband, and he will try to talk then and I will cry more at the insult of him thinking I should be there for him when he treats me like he does and I will just talk anyway because I can't avoid him. I feel like it's a control thing. But he can't control the anger he has put in my heart and the distrust in my mind.He will never get all of me anymore,he lost the real me out of selfishness.