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-   -   My girlfriend broke up with me 7 weeks ago, no contact now for 6 weeks... hurting... (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=527711)

  • Nov 20, 2010, 03:25 PM
    articlep
    My girlfriend broke up with me 7 weeks ago, no contact now for 6 weeks... hurting...
    My girlfriend broke up with me 7 weeks ago and the last contact I had with her was 6 weeks ago... I've been told to stay cool and just give her needed space, and heal myself... what to do?
    We had been together coming on to 3 years. At the start of the relationship I had played around a bit, as I had just come out of another relationship and wasn't sure about her, and I owned up to this at the start of this year, which she didn't take well as her dad had left her mum, for another woman when she was a kid. She was also having therapy for claustrophobia which she suffers acutely - and a lot of stuff about her relationship with me came up in these sessions. It wa safter these sessions that she had the realisation! To leave me.
    Anyway, I'm still living at my parents and she lived with her mum. We had made no concrete plans to move in together, she also thought my dad didn't like her which was untrue.
    So when she broke up with me she said our relationship was going nowhere , my dad didn't like her, and she just basically had a feeling in her heart that we would not last. She's 28 and I'm a bit older.
    I explained to her that I loved her - I wanted to marry her, my dad did like her, and I had been saving to buy a place for us to live in together next year. She was shocked, and said she needed some time to think. Anyway she came back 2 days later and said the feeling in her heart wouldn't go away and she needed to break up with me. She was crying her eyes out, she said she loved me more then anything in the world and I was her best friend. I was in bits straight after and text her that I missed her the next week. She called back crying and said the feeling in her heart wouldn't go - and that she didn't mind if I started dating other people. That hurt. She also told me to call or text her if I ever needed to talk.
    Anyway I think of her everyday and my life feels so incomplete - it's been 7 weeks no contact. Everything is tinged with sadness and everything reminds me of her. I wake up everyday and think of her, it really hurts, I thought she was the one for me. My mum has been diagnosed with breast cancer during this time (non invasive at the moment thank GOD, please say a prayer!), and a part of me has wanted to tell her but I haven't as I feel it would be manipulative.
    Most people say to me to let go now and if she is meant to come back into my life it will happen, otherwise maintain no contact, so I can heal. I love her and miss her, I know she loves me, but she think we cannot be - I don't understand it at all, maybe I don't need to... hmmm

    What do most people think? Thanks guys...


  • Nov 21, 2010, 02:18 AM
    lemon14
    Well, it sounds a bit complicated. I was in a similar situation too, so maybe I could be helpful for you.

    I met my boyfriend about one year ago and we had a really good time together, but I had family and school problems (my parents were about to get divorced and this influenced my school results). I had therapy, too and I realised that it would be better to break up with him because my life seemed too complicated and I didn't want him to get caught in my problems and to date him thinking about anything else but us and our feelings.This was in February. I shouldn't have done that, but I was lucky that I went back to him. In fact, we met halfway. He was hurt too and asked me if he should give me another chance or if should get over and start a new life. I wanted him back because I regretted what I did and after 4 moths we started the most amazing life. We are happy, my parents are happy and school is not a problem any more.

    I think you should talk to her and find out why she did that and if there is any hope. If you are certain that you can have a future together, then you must be very patient (and these are my boyfriend's words; he had a really painful life until we made up, so don't do it if you can't take it or if it is not possible). Don't be a source of stress for her, but try to be just a reliable friend; if this won't end into a relationship, you will win a true friend. Otherwise, as you said, maintain no contact and try to heal yourself.

    Think seriously before taking action and good luck!
  • Nov 21, 2010, 08:17 AM
    articlep
    Comment on lemon14's post
    Thanks Lemon 14 - great advice. My heart tells me to just give her space, and when I am calm and ready maybe speak to her. I don't want to bring up the relationship if and when I speak to her again, instead I will focus on the present and be civil!
  • Nov 21, 2010, 11:18 AM
    Homegirl 50

    Sorry to hear about your mom.
    Leave this lady alone. Let her have her space and you move on with your life.
    If you two are meant to be, you will meet up again somewhere down the road, but now is not the time. Continue no contact.
  • Nov 21, 2010, 02:53 PM
    articlep
    Comment on Homegirl 50's post
    Thanks Homegirl - invaluable advice, it's nice to hear what I'm feeling to do - if that makes sense!! Thanks for your wishes for my mom also. Wishing you a blessed day. Article P
  • Nov 21, 2010, 02:53 PM
    articlep
    Comment on Homegirl 50's post
    (I mean I feel I shouldn't contact her - and you have affirmed that)
  • Nov 21, 2010, 03:02 PM
    Homegirl 50

    I understood what you meant.
    We are here if you need to vent.
    I wish you well.
  • Nov 21, 2010, 04:20 PM
    articlep
    Comment on Homegirl 50's post
    Thanks Homegirl!

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