Ask Me Help Desk - The nit picking boyfriend

:confused: what to do about a boyfriend who nit picks at you for the stupidest reasons?
example
1) telling me I don't use my brain when I'm around him!
2)me not washing me hands after everything, like when a cat is sitting a foot away from me. I haven't touched it, its not in my plate. What's the problem or is it just me?
3) he tells me that I do not try and that I need to try harder( I think try harder on what? To make him happy) what am I doing wrong?

There are other things, I just cannot think of them right now(any IDEAS)?

Just nit picking in general, which I don't know if he realizes it or not but it really puts me down. What should I do ?we just got off a 3 day break, when 3 days later after he came back. He's back to acting his normal self again telling me these things. Even if I am a little ditzy, shouldn't he love me for this anyway ?

OMG!! MEEEEEEEE!!

I just wrote about this. This is ME entirely. Wait, ill get you the link.

Eura had a good post there! I am one of those who nit-pick on others too, especially those who are closest to me.

I guess most people who do this are brought up in a family who criticizes and evaluates everything we do. We want to do everything right. So, we end up telling others what they have done wrong or what are the things that they do which do not match our standards.

My boyfriend has told me about my tendecies of putting him down. He highlighted the fact that the reason I am emphasizing on the flaws of others is because I am experiencing insecurities in myself. To some extend, I believe this to be true because I feel terrrribly wrong if I do something wrong or something that is below the standards expected of me.

If possible, ask your boyfriend to read Eura's post after you have talked to him about how his nit-picking has made you feel intimidated and unwanted. You may need to talk to him a few times. Initially, I did not get what my boyfriend was trying to mean until our relationship was on rocky grounds.

My best advice is... try to understand his family background and then learn to turn a deaf ear to his nit-picking. Just smile and shrug it off. You will be happier that way, because it is very,very tough to overcome the need to nit-pick.

Well, the 1st one... is rude. Is he all that intelligent? Unless he gets close to perfect scores on all his exams and knows a lot of stuff, then tell him to f--- off

The 2nd one, I used to yell at my ex for not washing her hands... it's just hygiene. It's not yelling, but more like... PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS?

I also used to tell her to brush her teeth and take out her contacts... those aren't bad things, are they?

He has two critical faults - the demeaning of you and the obsessive compulsive behavior concerning the hand washing. The demeaning of you is very critical and important to address. You are not a stupid person and you have just as much of a brain as he does. Does he use 100% of his brain 100% of the time? Do any of us?

I would not accept someone telling me I did not use my brain when I am around him. You know what that means? If you would use all your brain when you are around him, you would realize that you are much better off without him. Why settle for someone who puts you down? Who tries to make himself smarter by saying you are less smart? His insecurities do not need to be fed by you.

As far as the handwashing - common sense and hygiene apply. How many times is he requiring you to wash your hands? How many times does he wash his hands?

Ask yourself if you see yourself in this relationship for the long term. Ask yourself if your live would be happier with him or without him (the famous Ann Landers question).

I think you guys are assuming too much. For all we know, the guy in question could be asking her to wash her hands after she changes her clothes, or enters the house, etc. You know, ridiculous claims.

Quote:

:confused:what to do about a boyfriend who nit picks at you for the stupidest reasons?

Get rid of them, or go crazy. Sorry that's not fair, just a pet peeve of mine.

Hi OK, I have a huge similar situation! My boyfriend nit picks really bad! He gets bugged out if I put the sponge on the sink after I wash dishes instead of in the sink. He got upset because I put the toilet paper downside to grab instead of upside. He'll start cleaning and then gets mad because I am not helping him so I feel every time I clean I have to just start cleaning because when he wants things done he wants it done on his timing. He reminds me of everything I forget and puts me down about it constantly. If I don't do something right away, I get put down and he keeps on and on. He'll get mad if I leave 1 dish in the sink and not wash it right away. He'll tell me "when are you going to clean your car!? He's the worst. It's getting to me so bad that I am about ready to pack my and leave with his baby. I feel so unhappy. He doesn't say things in normal mature ways but in a sarcastic kind of a way. I tell him how I feel and he gets really really upset and says I'm not doing sh*t, it's all in your head. Then raises his voice. He'll bring up somethign out of the blue that is negative that will cause an argument. It's absolutely hell. He's got a anger problem on top of it, he takes anabolic sterioids, he does cocaine every other weekend for 2 days in a row. He gets irritated with people at work, on the road, at the store, with me, his family....etc but claims it's everyone else that's stupid and they are the reason he gets upset because they do stupid sh*t. Etc. I'll cry because I"m sensitive and I want him to stop and he will mimic me, and ask " are you crying?!" but then when he calms down he acts as if nothing happened and I should just give in to his affection, etc. He's got two personalities. I feel emotionally neglected... when I express my feelings maturely and calmly he states "whatever" "your a liar" and acts like a little 16 yr old saying "blah blah, etc"... he's 32! He still has the mentality of wanting to get ed up. He criticizes me for making plans that I don't follow through with them, etc. I don't know why I am still with him. Why? I have a child with him but I don't think that is what is keeping me with him. It's the person I get when he's affectionate, loving, thoughtful, etc.

Every time he pays dinner or something he tells me next time to pay and if I don't I have to feel like a worthless girlfriend even though he has 10x's more funds than I do. Wants me to pay 1/2 the rent though I don't make as much. Always does but wants in return. What is wrong with me?

Can someone help me! I feel so stupid. All my friends hate him, my mother hates him, my sister, he's done some really ed up to me. He cusses at me, calls me idiot or says "R u retarded". If I ask him where a hwy is... "he'll say... we go down that way all the time, you should know and follows up with comments. I don't get it. I'm doing so much to try to work this out and he just doesn't seem to care. I'm a complete mess!