Im back, having trouble after 6 months.
Hey guys, I'm sure a lot of you remember me. Ive thrown a few posts here and there, started with my first ex girlfriend, got through that. Continued with my last ex. Almost through that. Im having a little trouble now almost six months into the breakup. As a lot of you know, we go to the same college( she followed me here after my first year). Somehow by some horrible circumstance, she ended up on my floor. We broke up on my floor shortly after that. She's been here ever since. I think about her at least once every day, I see her almost once every day. Usually it never bothers me, I've been doing just fine. Spring break came around, we talked a little bit. Talked about meeting up. Since then I haven't been the same. I can't read her, she acts like she wanted to but couldn't. She says she honestly couldn't, she's made no attempt to hang out with me since then. She keeps herself busy for the most part, always with her friends. My main problem isn't that I want her. She doesn't want to be friends, she just wants to say hi to each other when we see each other. She doesn't want to talk through the phone ever or over text. I understand that, I assume it gets to her or something, I don't know. For me however, I really just want to be friends. Ive grown a lot, I don't know about her, I really want to get to know her for who she really is. I don't feel like I ever had that chance while we were dating( almost two years). Im sure id care a lot less if she didn't go to my school. It really bothers me that I gave so much to someone in a lot of ways, and now this person can't hold any part of my life. It just hurts me deeply, its something I forget about, but I don't think it ever fully subconciously leaves. What do I have to do to get her to realize I really just want her in my life in some way in the future. I just want to be able to talk to her from time to time, maybe I'm not ready, maybe I won't want to when I really am. I don't know. I broke it off because it was bad, but I've wanted something back ever since, and it wasn't the actual relationship. I know some people don't like to be friends, but I can't believe that I dated someone this long who was so close to me that I have to forget the existence of. Give it to me straight please. Im a very lonely human being despite the fact that I have tons of friends, plenty of girls I could "hook up" with, etc. and so on. I don't know what it is, I don't know if I just want companionship in some way, I know if I want it this bad I don't need it in my life right now. Im not looking for a girlfriend, I wasn't when she became my girlfriend, it started on the ashes of a previous failed relationship and it was built off that, not the reflections I shouldve acquired after the first. Im growing, I'm learning, and more and more I want to know this girl.