We have a 20 year old who is very defiant and refuses to be respectful. She is very verbal abusive with us and her friends, yelling and demanding what she wants from money to her way. We have tried talking to her but get no where. We have told her she had until May 1st (we told her that around the middle of March) to get out. She continues to be disruptive and disrespectful, so I told her to be out by this weekend. She does work, but does not have her own car. That is one of the arguments. She had one and refused to pay for it, then totaled it March 19th. Now she feels we should give her one of our other vehicles or buy her a new one (we now have 2 cars and 4 drivers). We have had enough and I reminded her about getting out. She then comes back with we have to give her a thirty day written notice and I laughed and reminded her she is not a renter nor has paid rent or anything else, (she has refused). It is a fight to even get her to clean her room. What should we do?

You do actually have to serve her with an eviction notice, because she is a tenant. If she does not leave when she is requested to, then have the sheriff remove her. She has to learn the hard way that everyone as to answer to someone. If that someone is paying your rent and putting a roof over your head, then HECK yeah you should abide by their every rule.

Thank you for answering. We did not give her a written notice, but during one of her rampages, we set a video tape on the table (in plain site) which recorded her behavior and us telling her to leave. Would this count as an eviction notice?

She is not a tenant. A tenant has a lease and an agreement to pay rent. But she is a resident. And as a resident she just can't be summarily kicked out.

So you do need to go through a formal eviction process. Which means serving her with a 30 day written notice. And, if she doesn't comply, you have to file for an eviction order.

No the video tape doesn't count.

Ok, I got my terminology mixed up, but the answer is the same. Yes, you need to serve her with an evicition notice. And NO the tape doesn't count. But I'd keep it to show her when she is behaving normally so she can see how stupid she is acting. And how she is embarrassing herself, and treating the ones that she loves.

This does help, however, I am still a little confused. I spoke with a police officer about 6 months ago about her behavior. He stated we could call the police and have her removed from the premises. But maybe I miss understood, in that was he only talking about when she was in her episodes of yelling and screaming?

Did she strike anyone on the occasion?

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Originally Posted by bleslie06

This does help, however, I am still a little confused. I spoke with a police officer about 6 months ago about her behavior. He stated we could call the police and have her removed from the premises. But maybe I miss understood, in that was he only talking about when she was in her episodes of yelling and screaming?

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If she got physically abusive, you could call the police and have her charged with domestic violence. This MIGHT then lead to a restraining order against her, forcing her to move. But this is not that easy. You would have to show the call was made because you feared for tyour health. To get the restraining order you would have to show a pattern of domestic abuse. You can't just call the police and ask them to remove her because she's defiant.

My son said that she had tried to hit him Wednesday on the way to school because they were arguing because he was going to be late for school. We were not there and she said he tried to hit her with his crutch, (which they were in a pick up truck and he is 5"11" and it would be difficult to move the crutch around in the cab). It is his word against hers and there are not marks on either one.

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Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

Ok, I got my terminology mixed up, but the answer is the same.

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That's why I didn't give you a reddie.But since an eviction is a legal process, we need to have our legal terms correct.

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Originally Posted by bleslie06

My son said that she had tried to hit him Wednesday on the way to school because they were arguing because he was going to be late for school. We were not there and she said he tried to hit her with his crutch, (which they were in a pick up truck and he is 5"11" and it would be difficult to move the crutch around in the cab). It is his word against hers and there are not marks on either one.

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To get her removed under a DV order would require more time documenting then it would take to evict. I would, however, start a journal documenting each event. But go ahead with the eviction process.

Thank both of you for your help. I understand the process, but feel that a parent should not have to go through hoops to deal with a defiant rebellious child. They are still a child and not an adult when they behave the way they do.

She is an adult, and maybe she is rebelling because she is treated like a child. She doesn't have to pay bills or rent, or be responsible.

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Originally Posted by bleslie06

Thank both of you for your help. I understand the process, but feel that a parent should not have to go through hoops to deal with a defiant rebellious child. They are still a child and not an adult when they behave the way they do.

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And a child needs to be protected from a mean spirited, abusive parent. I'm not saying you are one, but you need to look at this from both sides. By going through a formal eviction process you are creating a paper trail that will protect you if she claims abuse. Most laws are not made capriciously, they are generally designed to protect both sides of an issue.

We have told her she had to pay $50 a week, but she refuses saying she has other bills to pay and then goes and has her nails done or gives money to her friends. Maybe we have treated her in some ways like a child because she acts like one, but we will no longer do so. We have cut off all any financial support and told her she had to find her own transportation. As long as she lives in the house, she will have to go by our rules, which we feel are very fair, be respectful of others, clean your room and after yourself, and her only jobs other than that is to clean the kitchen and share cleaning the bathroom she uses with her brother, he must also clean the bathroom. We argued for an hour and half over her cleaning the kitchen because she didn't want to.

Well its up to you what you want to do. I would sit her down and explain to her that she is now an adult and you will treat her like one. An adult is responsible for their living quarters, to pay to contribute to the household and for maintiaining common areas. If she is willing to do so, you will draw up a lease for her to sign detailing her responsibilities and yours. If she refuses to sign then hande her a written notice to vacate in 30 days. If she agrees to sign, make sure you include the date that rental is due and any late fees etc.

I would also make rent due weekly. And I would not put an expiration date. This will make it a periodic lease. By making it week to week you can cancel the lease with one rental period's notice (i.e. 1 week instead of 30 days). You should double check this with your state landlord tenant laws.

This will cover you pretty completely.

We may not have been the best parents, but we did teach them respect for others and to do what was right. It also comes a point that they are responsible for their own actions.

Thank you ScottGem. What you stated about the lease was very informative. I will talk to my husband but that was a great idea.

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Originally Posted by bleslie06

Thank you ScottGem. What you stated about the lease was very informative. I will talk to my husband but that was a great idea.

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Remember also that such a lease can be a negotiation. If she doesn't like certain clauses, let her explain why and offer alternatives. If she is part of the process she will probably take it more seriously.

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Well its up to you what you want to do. I would sit her down and explain to her that she is now an adult and you will treat her like one. An adult is responsible for their living quarters, to pay to contribute to the household and for maintiaining common areas. If she is willing to do so, you will draw up a lease for her to sign detailing her responsibilities and yours. If she refuses to sign then hande her a written notice to vacate in 30 days. If she agrees to sign, make sure you include the date that rental is due and any late fees etc.

I would also make rent due weekly. And I would not put an expiration date. This will make it a periodic lease. By making it week to week you can cancel the lease with one rental period's notice (i.e. 1 week instead of 30 days). You should double check this with your state landlord tenant laws.

This will cover you pretty completely.

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To follow up on this situation. I called the General Session Court this morning and in Tennessee you do not have to give a written notice to vacate. The notice can be verbal. The court also suggested changing the lock and if she does not leave then we can file a retainer warrant to have her removed. We did try to sit down and talk to her again explaining how she was now an adult and she was raised to act like one. We told her she had a choice she could start acting respectful or be out in thirty days. She chose not to be respectful so she will have to go. I love her dearly because she is my daughter but I cannot live with her any more or accept her behavior.