My boyfriend doesn't find me attractive anymore. It's not that I'm paranoid and I just THINK this, but he actually told me so...
His exact words were "you know I love you right? Thats why I am with you, but I'm not attracted to you." I love him with all my heart, We have been together for a year and a half, and we live together. And I can't stop thinking about what he said, its eating away at me all day. Like I said, I love him so much, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if I'm good enough for him. Any advice?

Sounds like mind games to me. I would really stop and think about our life together. I am quite sure if you stop and look at your relationship you will find quite a few things amiss.

Shallow and selfish is how I would describe that clod. Personally I feel that it is a BIG mistake to live with someone outside of marriage, so my best advise to you is pack up and move out ASAP! There are lots of real men in the gene pool just looking for a good woman to marry.

My wife is a woman who believes in doing the hard work it takes sometimes to honor the vows of marriage. But if I told her what your boyfriend told you... we'd probably have two choices. Get counseling to figure out what's changed and how to get back to where we need to be, or we'd separate. Period.

I have an aunt whose husband, after 24 years together, told her that he loved her, wasn't attracted to her, and that he sometimes didn't even like to be with her. But he loved her. Mkay. Whatever that means.

So after all of these years now she feels trapped in a marriage with a man who sees her as a roommate. A buddy. She is miserable.

So... he loves you but he isn't attracted to you. Well, that's fine if he's your brother, not your lover.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but he said it... we're just pointing out the truth... time to find what can be fixed or leave.

no... its not easy seeing any relationship end... but you know that unless he comes around, you know you are going to spend everyday with yourself esteem crushed. Well... don't let him do that to you. If he no longer sees you as a lover, it isn't going to be any better in the future. Period.

So... time to have a serious talk about what his statement meant. Whyd he tell you that? What did he think you would do or say or how you'd respond?

Honestly, I don't think any of that matters. I think the relationship has run its course, and while he might love you in some ways, the way a friend loves another friend, that his drive toward you as a sensual person... that intimate connection is just gone and missing. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Not one bit.

But some relationships are meant to last. And some last a time. And it seems like this has run its course and this is his passive aggressive way to plant doubts in your head about the relationship. Suddenly you now have to be the one to end it, call it into question.

I'm 10 years into a relationship with my wife. I still find her attractive. I still see her as a mate, as a lover. If I didn't she would not stay around. Period.

Of course your good enough for him. Never feel down on yourself, and please don't go changing yourself just to impress him. He loves you for you, it might be a big turn-off if you changed yourself. Talk to him and find out what he doesent find actractive about you.

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Originally Posted by SD713

My boyfriend doesn't find me attractive anymore. It's not that I'm paranoid and I just THINK this, but he actually told me so....
His exact words were "you know I love you right? Thats why I am with you, but I'm not attracted to you." I love him with all my heart, We have been together for a year and a half, and we live together. And I can't stop thinking about what he said, its eating away at me all day. Like I said, I love him so much, but I don't want to spend the rest of my life wondering if I'm good enough for him. Any advice?

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Well, I had the same issue with my friend she was dating that guy and he used to tell her that she wasn't good enough, and she needs to work out more, and to cope with style, fashion and all that stuff, but comeon girl, You got to ask yourself something, is he good for you, does he deserve you in the first place? I mean I undersatnd you love him, but I am talking about what kind of alover would tell his mate, I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO YOU!! I am 100% sure that he knew that would hurt you, and if he didn't then you guys didn't mean to be together, You have been with each other for almost 2 years and he doesn't know whether it would hurt you to tell you what he said... >?? Girl face it, there is something wrong and you got to discover it as soon as possible! And that's for you!

What a jerk, dump him fast

I don't think he's a clod. Insensitive... maybe. Honest? Definitely! I give him props for making sure you don't misunderstand the situation.

Having said that, I think you should believe him. At 2 years you two should be exchanging rings and setting dates. Doesn't sound like that's happening. Doesn't sound like it should, either.

Unfortunately for you, you experimented with the order in which things work, so sleeping together and living together (which I bet you believe "everybody" does) has succeeded in clouding the already difficult courting process and now you two have no idea where you stand.

At least he's trying to clarify where HE'S at.

Well, things aren't going to get better, they're going to become MORE of what they are now.

I wouldn't punish him, make him feel guilty for his honest position, nothing like that. I would also be planning the end off this façade now, though, since it's most likely over and you two just haven't fully realized it yet.

You don't have to end up hating and despising each other to amicably bring this to a close and begin your next, possible awesome, adventures in dating.

Think about it. Take care.

WOW I feel this person is living my life right now. I know it hurts and I have been dealing with it for days. He told me that he's never been attractive to me. I moved from one state to another, where he promised me happeness. That was my fault but the bottom line it still hurts. I was told to loose the weight and everything will be fine. I have lost 85 pounds in 2 months and I know I'm killing myself doing it. I am just like you... I love him so much and he's my best friend. I have no idea what to do. I moved and changed my life to be here with him. On top of everythng I have a child that loves him. That's where I think I will have the hardest time telling him, he have to leave now. My son as actually feeling like this is home now and my boyfriend will never leave us. This really sucks. I wish I could give advise but I wanted to tell you it could be worse! Take care