Hi

I recently broke up with my ex and this was because he said that he does not want to settle down or commit to anyone. I want a relationship with him again and he doesn't want to because the problems we had in our relationship were down to lack of effort at times, loves his friends too much and he hates answering to anyone.

I have done something, and have made out I want fun also, my plan is to act unattached to him, but my overall objective is to get him back properly and get him to overcome his fears. He has reponded to my 'I want to enjoy' myself signals. But is this is a mistake as a plan? I'm trying to be clever and get what I want. Im trying hard to be distant and am prepared for the worst in case it backfires and therefore am going to keep my options open. I do really want this to work... how can I go about this and get him to change his ideas and change him from wanting just fun with me? I am not looking to offer myself on a plate by taking this step as there are boundries which he obviously doesn't know. I want the communication and didn't know how else to go about this because he said he is not friends with his exes!

Please help!

Tina

It is evident that he don't want to be friends nor the relationship. My advice is to move on with your life. The right one will come along. Good Luck in your search.

Games accomplish nothing... you need to move on and stay away and if he chooses to come back so be it

No reason to pretend

You broke up with him and then you toy with his emotions by being deceitful that you want to enjoy life and be free just to win him back.. very childish and will definitely backfire

I see you have two options, either you tell him how you feel and he doesn't look like he wants to be hurt again or you stay with NC and move on but games do nobody any good

Nothing's guaranteed to get him back. He sounds like he's really not ready for the kind of relationship you want. Being distant and aloof towards him may make him start paying a little more attention to you but that doesn't necessarily mean he'll want you back or want the type of relationship you want.

Yes that is an option but I want don't know if I should withdraw what I said about having fun and say to him that its not a good idea and blame it on the fact I wasn't thinking straight, to make myself look better in the situation?

He has already been honest to tell you how he feels at this point so accepting what he says is important so either wait, which I don't recommend or do it his way and just date and have fun with no expectations. You can't make him do what you want with slick games or manipulations.

I am pretty much going through the same thing, she broke up with me again and I think she wants me back again. I'm very hurt and miss her very much. I suggest you go to him and lay every thing on the table and if he truly loves you I think the two of you should be able to work it out. But don't play games with his emotions. My ex has done this to me 6-7 times. If you would like to comment on my question please do. Mine is Is my ex fiancé coming back again?

Well just to clarify, it was a mutual decision when we broke up so my first sentence may be misleading, I have laid my cards on the table now in a message, not said too much other than I want him back and that's what the tx messages I have been sending previously relating to fun have been all about. I have said that if it still stands about how he feels about things then I will accept it, mentioned that I think he is a decent guy but said nothing more than the fact I will move on if he still thinks the way he does, that's all. I feel better for it even if I don't hear from him. I know I should move on and it is his loss. Maybe I shouldn't have opened up the way I did but I was being completely honest this time and played no games. From a guys point of view I wonder what he must be thinking?

He's thinking he should leave because he doesn't want the same things you do. Honestly I think you are more into this relationship than he is.

When you try to be clever and smooth it usually comes back and bites you in the reality. I do not advise playing the cutesy games like you have described. When he figures out your game, he will be majorally ticked off and there you go - over the threshold before the door closes on your behind.

Being honest is the only way to do this. If your ex boyfriend does not want what you want, and he has stated that, then let him go and get about your own life. Some people are never ready to settle down.

I'm not playing games, it was a split second thing when was thinking on the fun side,but I told him I wasn't thinking straight more or less sraight away, then my final message was to tell him that I do want him back but that I will move on if he still thinks the way he thinks. Haven't received a reply wasn't really expecting one but just wanted him to know. Deep down I know I don't want to be with sum1 who doesn't want what I want, but it would be nice if he changed and came back in an ideal world! There's no way that's going to happen is it... proud to say I have stuck to my word and haven't contacted him