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Hey there, my ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 months ago and won't even talk to me. I did nothing bad to her but be there for her and loved her. I don't even want to get back with her just didn't want to leave things like this. Any advise what I should do?
Leave her alone. I know it hurts, but she isn't replying because she just doesn't want to. You need to move on. Maybe all she knows is how to be your girlfriend, not an ex-girlfriend or a "friend". Keep yourself busy and soon you won't even think about her. Best of luck.
Whatever her reasons are,leave it be and continue moving on with your own life.
The past is the past,live in the present.
I totally agree with last posts. She is not into talking right now and she has gone no contact. Means no matter what you do it'll be impossible to get through to her. You aren't interested in getting back together and I'm sure that's what she thinks will happen if she talks to you so just leave her be. She is trying to heal and you need to heal as well. Eventually you will find some closure.
Maybe she is doing it because it is easier to not be friends with you right now.
Some people close a door and it stays shut forever.
Bottom line,you need to respect her wishes and let it go so that you can start living in the present and enjoying your life.
For whatever reason she doesn't want to talk to you, so leave it at that
Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its just been hard to accept the facts. What I don't get is that she left me a message 2 months ago saying how I was the best boyfriend I could have been to anybody and that she said shell always be there to talk to. Something just doesn't add up. Im getting tired of thinking about her everyday but don't know how to shut it off..
I can only speculate to what reasons she has but as the others say you need to back off and leave her alone. Realise that the more you push it right now the farther you push her away.
Sledsik,
Breakup are tough for both the dumper and dumpee. I broke up with my girlfriend a few months ago so I can give you my perspective. She doesn't want to talk to you part of the reason could be that she doesn't want to bring back the feeling she had for you. Maybe there are trouble in your relationship that you are not aware of.
The way I think about it is if I started talking to my ex and be friend then it would cause me more uneccesaray pain. It's better for you to leave her alone and if she decided she want to talk to you she will.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions clearly show that she's not longer interested, that's all you really need to know.
Don't need to beat yourself up about it by figuring out the reasoning. It's completely unnecessary.
Spend your time doing something else, something positive for yourself. Hang out with friends. Keep yourself distracted so that you don't have to sort out the facts.
I want to get over it but it just bothers me that she won't even give me one word. I sent her a message a few days ago before I made this thread and told her that I don't hate her and that I don't want her to hate me either. I also said that Ill always care about her and how she's doing and if she needs anyone to talk to that Ill be there. I didn't mention that I wanted to get back with her I just wanted to tell her how I feel. Our relationship lasted only 9 months but I did love the girl a lot. After being broken up for 3 months Im a lot better than I was but still think about her when I wake up. Just bothers me that somebody you loved won't even give you the time of day, even after sending a message like that.
That's one of the reasons NC and the dignified silence works-for you and your own healing.
It ends the confusion of waiting for replies to messages that may never happen.
Keep moving on and know that it gets better day by day.
If she came here and said "i broke up with my bf and im having problems keeping my mind straight" wed tell her No Contact. Absolutely.
Same goes for you.
I've reconnected with exs down the line, as friends again, but it took time and distance. My experience is keeping contact as "just friends" during the getting over it stage only causes delayed healing and often causes more problems. And keeping in contact with hopes of getting back together is also a bad idea.
So... please respect her need to step away. It doesn't diminish whatever you had. Its just reality. An ex in your life makes life harder most of the time.
Clearly,she has had a change of heart or perhaps she just wasn't into you in a boyfriend ,girlfriend kind of way.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sledsik
Maybe she didn't have romantic feelings toward you.
There is a ton of good advice on this site that will help you to get over her and move on.
It takes works but if you apply the tools you can make it easier on yourself.
Stay busy and focus on making yourself happy.
It does get better with time but you also have to be willing to accept the facts so you can begin to heal.
Her birthday is in April. Should I send her a card, say happy birthday or let it be then? I don't want to be a by not saying anything but you probably know better than I do.
The fact that you're asking the question, it shows that you still care. You only send a card or wish happy birthday if you want her back. It was a difficult decision for me as well, Christmas, new year, valentine, birthday. I manage to do nothing. And if you think that you are being mean or feel guilty, don't because she let you go.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sledsik
I think it would look as if you are trying to get back into her good graces by sending a card.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sledsik
Your best bet is no contact !
You need to let this go for your own peace of mind.
No contact=no cards-ever.
Save your money and treat yourself instead.
I agree... while I don't think you have to be a jerk... if you've tried to contact her and you get nothing back... well, that says "i really need to not talk to you" from her side...
And if you send her that card... what that says is "im here for you no matter what"... which people like to say all the time but its really a TERRIBLE thing to do... to say you have no standards of what treatment is acceptable? Ick to that!
Loving someone "no matter what" is largely overrated and usually not sustainable...
The other thing sending a card does is it doesn't let her feel what life is without you. And, like it or not, she NEEDS to feel what its like to be without you...
If she finds that its not bearable, fine. If she finds its doable, fine. But its early in the breakup and I think sending that card just feeds into your secret desire to get back with her... and it doesn't let her experience what this breakup really means... that you two are not together, not as bf/gf... and not as best buds.
You don't have her back... you are trying to cover your own...
Your x girlfriend won't talk to you because she is your x girlfriend. You need to move on.
I once read in a book that broke some rules, that if you want to get someone back, begging for them to talk to you.. Crying to them how much you miss them, etc, Actually drives that person further away from you.
She left you because something went wrong. She doesn't want to talk to you because she is either over you or torn inside that it didn't work out. Making a scene for her to see is not going to make her want you, need you, or even want to talk to you.
Be confident. Show her that you can handle this better than she can. Let her come to you. Advise her that YES you will be there for her. But leave it at that. Don't get emotional. Don't get whiney or clingy. She fell in love with a man who was confident about himself. Not someone who is feeling sorry for himself. Or playing the "what if" game.
Maybe that type of approach will work for you. --- And no... Don't send her a card for her birthday. Sweet you may think... But strange, over emotional, and kind of unnecessary is what she is going to think. If you're on talking terms by her birthday.. Buy her a small gift with no significant meaning to it. -- That's what I would do anyway
Everyone here echoes the importance of NC. I agree, and also advise you to accept HER doing NC to you, for your closure, as I have been dumped enough to know that you may never know the reasons they dumped you, because they don't know.
Until you have had to dump someone, its just hard to understand the concept of feelings changing for no apparent reason.
Never send holiday, birthday, or any other day, greetings. If she acknowledges it, you wonder what it means, and freak, and if she doesn't acknowledge your greeting, you wonder what it means, and freak! So don't do it. True NC, is No Contact whatsoever.
Yea man, this question gets asked every now and again and it's a normal question. Don't DO IT!! There will be 1 of 2 reactions from her.
1. there will be none. She will ignore it and forget it happened
2. she will say something like, thanks and you will over analyze it.
She's completely ignoring you. You need to do the same to her.
You say you broke up 3 months ago. Let me ask you this. Did yow send a christmas card or Vday card?
Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its pointless of me to take time out of my life to try to talk to someone if they won't take time out of theirs. I just never thought it would end up like this. How long has it been for most of you to hear back from your ex's?
We broke up a couple weeks after Christmas and I did not send a Valentines card or say Happy Vday to her or anything. I did see her parents about a month ago and didn't even ask about her, then I saw them again last week and asked about her and she said that it upset her that I didn't even ask about her the first time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Newguy2009
Sounds like your girlie-girl is as confused and lost as you are. You need to break off all ties to her if you want to get over her. I don't mean you should snob her parents, but maybe just a friendly "hi" and talk about something random if her parents seem to want chit-chat. But you are no longer obligated to talk to her parents. You need to move on.. You almost remind me of the "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" movie where the guy can't get over his X because every corner of his house has a picture of her.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sledsik
Maybe one of your friends needs to take you out to the bar so you can talk to another girl. You sound way love sick
Well... and you are missing the point a little in that statement... its not just about "they ignore me so i ignore them"... not just about why take time if they won't...Quote:
Originally Posted by Sledsik
Its she shouldn't take time right now. This is time apart that's needed.
And you shouldn't because you aren't over her and keeping in touch right now is energy spent in an area you should be backing away from.
As for how long to reconnect and talk again. Different for each. One big love I never talked to again. Another was about 6 months... which was still too soon. Another was about 6 years, and we are great friends now. Last one I've never lost contact with, as I have a son with her... in that case, I've limited my time around her to just family events. As much as we can be good friends, its simply better to isolate our relationship to nothing beyond parents of a great kid.
Ah, I suspect that seeing her parents triggered some old memories, and feelings in you both, as no doubt they informed her of seeing you.
Just another example of why even the smallest, most innocent kind of contact, can bring those feelings back to the surface.
Stick with NC.
Most people when they have properly healed, rarely have time to dwell on the past, nor have a desire to go back in time, and see if there is a second chance to be had. They instead have rebuilt their lives, and made new friends, and memories, and have explored other options, and opportunities, that life has thrown them.
Your feelings, and curiosity, will pass.
Killer advice so far. All true. Take heed in that.
Plus you said that you don't even want get back with her.
So why care?
We all want some closure, but the reality is you already got it. No sense searching.
You are still not hearing us my dear,and you are still clinging to a fantasy.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sledsik
It is OVER!
Is she the only girl in town?
I know you think there is no other girl for you but there is,however if you are sitting home wasting away pining for a fantasy,you will never find her.
Being needy and clingy is a very unattractive trait and it is a real turn off.
Do yourself a favor and see this as what is is .A girl liked you and then when she got to know you better decided she did not.It does not have to be anyone's fault.
Sometimes people just change their mind and no one is to blame.
Pick yourself up,dust yourself off and know that life goes on but you have to stop living in this fantasy that she will have a change of heart.
She has made herself clear.
Acceptance is the first hurdle.Learn to accept this and for the sake of your mental health... move on.
I know that it is over. It just sucks because I know down the line she will be back. She's going to get into her next relationship and get hurt or realize that it wasn't as good as ours and do a 180 right back to me. We live in the same area. I just don't want her to get hurt and that's exactly what's going to happen. What gets to me the most right now is that it seems as if she doesn't even care about how I feel or what we had. I mean are all girls like this or what. Do they let their head take over instead of emotions and then regret their choices later in life? Im going NC with her from now on out but she never seemed like a person who wouldn't care or change their mind about me, at any time in the relationship even after we broke up.
Don't worry about her future relationships,or how she acts now,just stick with NC for the sake of your own healing.
Dude, she won't comeback, even if she does get hurt, she will get over it, and keep doing her thing, just like you should be doing.
Don't waste your time or your money on someone who doesn't even care enough to answer you. Treat yourself with this money. Go out buy some clothes or new CD's, whatever you enjoy. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Don't even worry about what MIGHT happen. If you do, then you're going to be waiting every day by the phone. Forget her. You deserve someone else. There are so many people in this world. Lots of beautiful, wonderful, caring women. Not all women are like her. Be happy you found out about her real character now before you had been together for even longer! Have faith, you will find love again.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sledsik
Ok.. Coming from someone that broke all the rules and got my boyfriend back after we broke up...
1st step.. Go out with your friends. Have a good time. Show her that you can live without her. Show her that you have a life separate from her life. Show her that you can trust her decisions (even though may not like it) and that this whole ordeal is a learning experience.
2nd step. If you talk to her.. Don't be whiney. Don't bring up the relationship that fell apart. Don't talk about what could have been or what should have been... Just talk about something random.. Ask her what she's up to. Tell her about what happened to you on a day. If you two do talk.. Start over. What happened in the past is in the past.
3rd... stop whining. Seriously. We all know your heart broken. We all have been there.. We all know how the pain is the worse pain you will ever feel.. But.. every wound has to be healed. Find something that makes you happy. Something you did all the time before you met her. And start it back up... Push yourself to do that activiy for 10 minutes. The next day, try 15 minutes. Pretty soon, you'll be participating in that activity longer each time.
You need to find happiness that doesn't require someone in your life. Its healthy for you, its healthy for your next relationship... And who knows.. Maybe you PROOVING to her that you can handle yourself.. that you are a strong, capable person will have her WANT to talk to you again.
Stop living in the past and starting living NOW. If you want your girl back, well, she'll have to want to come back first... then you need to stop crying. Her next move is go go out and have fun... Not sit on the phone or be plagued with text messages of, "WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME". Leave her alone. She needs to think and sort through things without your opinion and interference. If she wants to be with you again, if she decided that you are her one and only, she'll make the move. You're not going to make that choice for her.
How would you feel if you broke up with someone... You were confused, not sure if that was the right choice... and the person you broke up with was pestering you every day? Pretty irritated.
The reason you're suffering so much is because you keep setting up false hope in your mind. To add salt to the wound, you're going to be very disappointed due to all the false hope that you're created.
False hope in your situation = You have this impression that she still has feelings for you and that she will come back to you one day.
You might be right and she might come back. But what if she doesn't? You're going to hurt yourself over and over again by holding out the hope.
The point is, you should focus on healing from your wounds. Once you've healed, you will be able to approach your situation in a more objective manner. Focus on yourself.
So what should I do if I still have some stuff at her place. Should I just forget about it for now? Its nothing too important but I would like to have it.
If you don't need it, or it can be replaced, forget it.
If you have a friend, ask him to pick it up for you.Quote:
Originally Posted by Sledsik
The stuff I've walked away from was never worth the emotional noise of trying to get it back when it was clearly going to be a struggle.
It is stuff. If there was something irreplaceable, I wouldn't go further than getting a message to her that just says "i'd like to have whomever pick up whateveritis. please let him know when this would work"...
Only reason I even say this is I did leave some of the only pics of a loved one with one girl and I wish id asked for them... but all the others things I've let go... didn't matter in the long run and wouldn't have been worth the continued noise and effort.
Thank you so much everyone for the advise. It helps a lot to talk about it with other people and vent a little bit. I will stick with No contact and when her birthday does come in April, I won't say anything unless she acknowledges me by then. As for the stuff I will just leave it be, when it gets warmer out Im sure she will see the stuff I have left there. Ill never understand why stuff like this happens to good people like us. People that are always there for the other, care for them, and try to be the best they can to them. Do they just not see it or take us for granted until we are gone? I wish I understood what is going through a girls mind when they do this. Can anyone help me get an idea?
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