Very serious - is he manipulating me into things I don't want, am I知 his trophy?
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We're both satisfied and enjoy sex but we have different views about sexuality. We compromise, but the issue is still there. He is obsessed and has thousands of porns of curvy women in sexy lingerie. He likes having sex when I知 all dressed up and he wants me to walk around in it for him like the women in porn do. I bought myself with my money huge amount of lingerie. Sex was great, but I wasn't feeling right because it isn't my thing. I don't care how I look, I知 attractive no matter what I wear. I don't like extra attention, especially not the sexual one. Men in general only see my beauty and I can't show my inner qualities. I don't care how my boyfriend looks too. He is an average looking guy, I知 attracted to what's inside.
The reason besides love, why I wore sexy clothes, is because he said if I wore it he would reduce watching other women on the internet and on the street. He didn't, he can't and won't under any condition, but he's not an addict. I felt betrayed because I put huge amount of time into dressing up in the bedroom and outside for going out together. I realized I don't want that. He should like me the way I am and I should like him too. It's unattractive to me that he masturbates the same on other women no matter what. I decided to let it go and get rid of my sexy clothes, why bother. I don't like it, he can always have in on other women, no matter what I wear. He didn't appreciate my effort in a way I expected. I turned back to my old way. I wear some sexy underwear, but it doesn't work for him. He likes very tight uncomfortable clothes, it's a torture to put it on and to wear it even for short time. He is very disappointed by my decision and our love making reduced to once a week. We feel guilty and trapped. Sex still feels good. I feel good naked because I had to stay in those clothes during sex, he didn't undress me. I don't know have I accomplished good with being myself. I worry he might cheat on me because his needs aren't met. My needs aren't met too. I'm into tantric sex but I致e never pressured him into, unlike him manipulating me.
I feel like a trophy because he cried I don't show enough attention to him in public and I don't kiss or hold his hands enough like a couple. He said it's not that he thinks I知 ashamed of him or he wants to show me off. Why then? I'm not into PDA but I知 doing it like average do. He's said I知 the most beautiful girl he's ever been with. I feel he's using me. It's confusing why if I知 that beautiful he still watches other women (I get it, he's a man) but why brag about it. I would like to feel like the most attractive woman to him. How? I'm skinny. He's into curves to the extreme, how can I ever compete? I知 happy with my tinny figure, but is he?
I'm thankful for being honest but he's ripping myself esteem off. It took me a lot to feel good about myself and I知 still struggling due to traumas in my life. I wish he supports me. Besides that I致e lost a parent a few months ago and I知 just now starting to cry and he takes it hard. It seems no one wants to compromise anymore. I don't have energy to decide what to do about us. I didn't focus here on the good between us, we have a nice time, we're together for a long time, we love each other, but this is the problem that's always been here somewhere and now has escalated. Communication leads us to frustration. We discussed breakup and a break. Is there a way to happiness?