I am 42 years age and married happly since 16yrs. Nice loving wife and 2 kids 14yr and 11 yr old.I am in love with a 37yr old married woman who is also married happly since 10yrs.we know each other for last 11 yrs. We liked each other and are in same job. For the last few months we have come too close to each other and found that we are in love. Now the situation is that we want to spend more and more time together. But our spouses are not aware of it. She is my good family friend too. We are yet not in any kind of physical relationship but we tend to do so. We want to carryon with our relationship without disturbing our families. How can we do so?

If your respect your wife and family more than anything, I would speak up and tell your wife what's going through your head!

Having an affair with a married women (plus you are married too) and she if a family friend will only break not 1 heart but many hearts so think twice before you make any radical actions!!

You talk about you and the woman who you are in love with as being happily married to others. If you are both happily married, then I don't know why you would want to jeopardize that with the possibility of having an affair with one another. I am presuming that the two of you took vows at the time of your marriages. Remember those vows?

I have been in love before with someone who was living with someone else. As far as I was concerned, because she was not married, she was free to be sought out as a possibility as a significant other for me. She was also interested in me. We both understood that she loved the man with who she was living. But, then she got married to him. Because of my beliefs in the fidelity of a marriage, she became "off limits" to me. We are still friends, though. And, I do still love her. I see no problem with being in love with, or loving friends as well as keeping the boundaries in place if they are necessary.

As far as I am concerned, when you take vows in a marriage, it is something to be honored, respected and kept by anyone.

Please speak with your wife concerning your thoughts. Try doing something different with your wife to make things interesting, i.e. social things, sex, etc. If you have been happily married to her for 16 years, then there has evidently been a lot of good things that have kept you together that long. You may just be in a rut with her to be wanting to be with someone else.

Do you honestly think someone is going to tell you how to cheat? If you do you are as dumb as a box of rocks!!

You intend to follow through with this woman and into a physical relationship. Your wish is not to disturb your respective families. So you want your cake and to eat it too. Glutton!

I do not know where you live and the laws of your land, but in some countries, adultery is still a very punishable offense. Not just a moral offfense but a penal offense. You stand to lose quite a bit here if you continue with the affair and your friend/love interest stands to lose a bit more. Are you both that selfish? Are you willing to have your name and her name dragged through all the muck and mire? It does not seem worth it to me, just to have sex.

If you truly love this woman, respect her and only enter into a relationship with her if you are a free man. That means divorcing your family and leaving your family. It also means she should respect herself enough and become a free woman - so that you two do not have to hide and sneak around, that you can be open and honest about your so called love. Which, I seriously think this is not love. Not true love. What you are operating on is purely physical lust. I doubt you know how to love - you are not loving your wife and family by betraying them with this other woman.

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Originally Posted by vijaypal0802

we want to carryon with our relationship without disturbing our families. how can we do so?

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So you've already decided you're going to cheat. You just want advice on how to do it "without disturbing our families"? It's impossible. You will do more than "disturb" your families, you will destroy them and earn their everlasting contempt. DON'T DO IT!!

I think you are already physical. Cheating just like every thing else has rules. You are violating two of them with that type of relationship. First she is a family friend, that is bad within it self. If you are caught that will make the situation that much worse. Secondly at work, my dad used to say don't where you eat. If you are caught, or want to end it, it will be very difficult to see her everyday. He beauty is going to pull you back in. If you love her it is going to be next to impossible to end it if you are at the same job. Your chances of being caught are elevated because you are violating two separate rules. Love only complicates things.