My husband only touches me when he wants me to address his horniness. He also never is enthusiastic or shows any interest in doing things that make me feel good. As soon as I start to enjoy stuff he stops or gets bored. Me is not a priority of his it seems. What do I do?

How old are both of you and how long have you been married? Has it been this way your entire marriage?

How was he when you were dating, was he the same then ? Or has this been a slow change ? Have you discussed this with him, telling him things you like.

There is a book called "Five Love Languages" that is used in many counseling groups. I would recommend getting a copy and reading it yourself first
Home - Five Love Languages

When we were dating - I think it was also the same. I started to recognize a pattern and thought it would probably go away.I had also been with someone prior who was very good at smoozing me and such - but it turned out he was just good at that in general and had many women that wouldn't go away. So at first I wasn't concerned that he wasn't a casanova - I thought this stuff would develop. We have been married a year now.

I think he might not be interested in female sexuality. I have asked him a few things but he says he is into girls. He once fell in love with a boy when he was a kid- so I always wonder if he is suppressing some other wants. I think he has very traditional views of sexuality that aren't very good. He isn't into porn, he isn't into sex toys- he is repulsed by the sex shop- even the awesome nice one we have in town now. He doesn't want to be seen near it at all and gets grossed out.

Sometimes we might be in front of the TV and he might start rubbing my feet out of blind fidgeting but as soon as I start to show that I like it he stops. He doesn't like to do things to me that make me feel good - they are boring. He started to complain that I never gave him head- and it was because I stopped because I was always giving him head- and I believe it was great head- but it was never reciprocated. SO I stopped. And then so he did it once after we talked about it but then he stopped doing it again.

He is 38 and I am 31.

I have heard about this book 'five love languages' and I know he shows his love in other ways- but this is sucky. I can't go and get this kind of touch outside of my relationship without it being a major problem. But I could go outside of our relationship and get the things that he does do for me WITHout it being a problem. I should read the book though- I have only heard from friends what they thought.

And he won't spoon me or cuddle me unless he is getting something out of it- sometimes I will be sleeping and I will put my arm around him and he will start grinding my leg and then if I don't do anything about it he will turn away from me and stop touching me. This is very often how it goes.

Actually now that I think about it - at first he was very grabby and would hold me and grind - which I thought was odd - but I liked other things about him gah... I think I'm stuck with a lemon.

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Originally Posted by iplantree

actually now that i think about it - at first he was very grabby and would hold me and grind - which i thought was odd - but i liked other things about him gah... i think i'm stuck with a lemon.

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Not necessarily. The more I think about this, the more I think marriage counseling might be in order. I think you need to be able to open up to him somewhere he can't ignore you. I also think he has some past issues that need to be worked through. A neutral third party may give him the 'safety' of discussing the past in a way that allows him to get his own feelings and issues out without feeling pressured or judged.

From the little bit you have said, it sounds like he can't get past his own skin to get inside someone else's and empathize. Is he this way emotionally otherwise -- can he give compliments to people and appreciate things they have done for him or others, does he seem to feel another's pain so that he can sympathize?

Your first mistake, assuming anything would change.

At least you know he was doing this before... this is how he is. Thus if he can break this habit is up for argument. Sometimes people can change IF, and only IF they recognise a problem and want to... or have a major life altering experience.

Hmmm, I agree with cat on this one. I think counseling is a great idea, and some one on one counseling is something you should look into as well. He may be much more obliged to open up to someone he doesn't know if you are not sitting right there. Could give him a lot of healing.