My girlfriend and I have been talking since the end of last year and have been dating for about four months. She was dating her ex-bf for about 2 years and then she started talking to another guy and then me. When we first started talking I know that he would call her and she would call him then it stopped for a while and now its starting back. I know that she still loves him after they have been broken up for about a year and some months. I'm disappointed because I asked her did she still have feelings for him and she said no and then in a recent text message I saw that she said she was still in love with him. And now I'm starting to become curious if she is talking to him when I call and she doesn't pick and what is there to talk about when they don't go together anymore.

What should I do or how should I bring it up that I don't like it or should I even let it bother me?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jojo88

my girlfriend and i have been talking since the end of last year and have been dating for about four months. she was dating her ex-bf for about 2 years and then she started talking to another guy and then me. when we first started talking i know that he would call her and she would call him then it stopped for a while and now its starting back. i know that she still loves him after they have been broken up for about a year and some months. im disappointed because i asked her did she still have feelings for him and she said no and then in a recent text message i saw that she said she was still in love with him. and now im starting to become curious if she is talking to him when i call and she doesnt pick and what is there to talk about when they dont go together anymore.

What should i do or how should i bring it up that i dont like it or should i even let it bother me?

---

Break up. Obviously you got yourself caught in a rebound relationship. No reason to stick around when she wants to be with someone else. Go be single for awhile and when you are ready to date again, just be sure that person has a little more break up time than the end of the 2nd year of a two year relationship.

Jojo88,


Dude, if you continue to let your relationship go the way it is... you will be a wreck. Trust me because the E-X-A-C-T same thing happened to me TWICE with the same girl. Let me explain. First you need to understand I'm really smart, good-looking, charming, good guy. I also graduated college. So you know, I got all the things a guy should be to have a hottie; so I'm credible when I say LISTEN TO ME CLOSELY!!

Anyway, my ex girlfriend had a boyfriend/high school sweetheart for 4 and half YEARS! They dated from her junior year of high school to her junior year of college. Then all of a sudden he told her they needed a break. Because he wants to figure his life out. She then met me 2 MONTHS later. She told me I swept her off her feet with all my charming ways. I figured out her ex boyfriend still loved her because he'd call when we were hanging out. I had a hunch she felt a similar way about him. It got to the point where I said, "Look, I like you, but you have to choose one of us. You can't have both of us."

So I said this, "Look, I like you, you're great, beautiful, fun, etc. etc. etc., so I'm going to give you AS MUCH SPACE AS YOU NEED. Take your time to decide what you want. Call me in a week, month, 3 months whatever. But make your decision a good one and make it stick. Because I don't deserve to be a rebound or anything like that." Then I left that night after only a few dates.

She took ONE day to make her decision which was me. This was the first red flag. If it was always that hard of a decision, then why wouldn't she have taken more time? But I took her in, WHICH I REGRET VERY MUCH. Allow her the time she needs to make a good decision. If you have a shred of doubt that she could still be confused, you're probably right dude! Trust yourself. I remember at the time thinking, "Hmm, that was quick."

Anyway, time went on (MONTHS). We hit a skid in arguing about 10 months into the relationship. I suspected she was probably talking to her ex because she grew further from me romantically. Sure enough, I caught her TALKING ABOUT GETTING BACK TOGETHER WITH HER EX. I firmly believe if she had focused only on me, we would not have even had those arguments in the first place (at least they would not have blown up to the degree that they did). So I printed out the letter of her and her boyfriend talking about getting back together, handed it to her, and said I'm breaking up with you.

She called me literally 20 or so times the next day begging me to give her another chance. After a few days of her doing the same thing I answered. She promised to never do it again, said she has done tons of thinking and realizes I'm her man. So I take her back believing her.

Time goes by, a few more months. She says we need to talk. Tells me she needs to be single to figure her life out. She is moving about 60 miles away. Plans on starting her own dog walking business. She's 21. I think it's a bad idea and going to fail but that's beside the point. She says she needs to focus on that and won't be able to offer the amount of love I need for a good relationship. So I agree.

A few days later, I find out SHE BROKE UP WITH ME TO GET BACK WITH HER EXBOYFRIEND. I was soooooooooooo pissed. I still am. This occurred less than two months ago. I called her many weeks later after the break up to tell her I know about everything. I didn't yell at her. Just told her she has poor integrity and disrespect for me, etc etc etc. She felt bad... but happy to have her soulmate from high school.

I graduated college and she attended my graduation. I didn't give her any attention when she congratulated me. She text me after the ceremony saying "Call me if you want to go to Disneyland." I don't get her and don't want to.

She is so confused that she is ed up. If she just didn't pick anybody that would be best.


Here's my key pieces of advice for you:

1) Give her plenty of space to make a GOOD decision. This could take weeks, or even months. Go out with other girls and hang out with your friends. Be a youngster! Don't look for a soulmate like my nutty exgirlfriend and her boyfriend. If you don't believe it is a good decision, don't argue with her, don't try and change her feelings by trying to convince her, just believe it is best and avoid being a WRECK!! And move on.

2) If she does choose you, and you are happy for a while, and you see RED FLAGS (emails she sends him, pictures of them are in your sight, she talks about him, you see her phone history and he or she has called one another) then end it!! You don't need to get mad her for these red flags. Just simply say I want to be friends and end it. Don't create a hostile environment for you two. Just understand you are doing yourself a huge favor by doing this. It is not worth continuing. Trust me!! I wish I could be in your shoes and just say, "You know, let's just be friends."

Maybe later down the road she will use the time apart from you to make a permanent, real, genuine decision. Maybe it won't be you, but at least you'll get to see her true feelings show. Rather than her use you because you are available.

3) Don't make yourself available to her so easily. If she wants this, and she wants that. Don't sit there and give her everything. Make sure you are getting things in return. I would give her foot massages for long periods and she gave me foot massages for like 30 seconds. I actually brought this up and she made excuses. If she truly loves you, you'll feel it. Don't always be the driver, don't always go to clubs she wants to go to, don't always watch her TV shows, don't always pay for her. This is how my relationship was. Of course, she would like me for the time I treated her that way. When I stood up for myself and stopped being like that is when she went back to her ex. So get a real relationship.

4) Don't be afraid to date others or be single. Being single is way better than being used. Can you believe she told me watching porn is a form a cheating!! I guess now she knows what a form of cheating is!!

5) Understand her behavior is VERY DISRESPECTFUL TO YOU. So get out of this situation and get a better one.
-John

Get out now. She's going to leave you in a matter of minutes if this keeps up. She's in love with her ex boyfriend still, and you saw proof. That should alone be a sign to move on.

What you should do it space yourself from her. It will give you both time to think about what needs to be done.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by jojo88

my girlfriend and i have been talking since the end of last year and have been dating for about four months. she was dating her ex-bf for about 2 years and then she started talking to another guy and then me. when we first started talking i know that he would call her and she would call him then it stopped for a while and now its starting back. i know that she still loves him after they have been broken up for about a year and some months. im disappointed because i asked her did she still have feelings for him and she said no and then in a recent text message i saw that she said she was still in love with him. and now im starting to become curious if she is talking to him when i call and she doesnt pick and what is there to talk about when they dont go together anymore.

What should i do or how should i bring it up that i dont like it or should i even let it bother me?

---

Yes you should let it bother you tell her that you don't like it tell her why tell her how you feel if she still carries on end it s she has no respect for you

Well I fussed at her about it because he called while we were together one day so I said why does he keep calling and she said you ask'em... so I said "so he calls you but you dont call him back?" remind you that I already seen her call history and she called him twice that day. So of course she said no then she leaves out the room with her phone which she never does and then comes back so I said if I looked in your phone right now it would say you didn't call him she said yeah. I looked in it and all of it was erased and she lied and said she erased it in the car when I clearly saw once we got back to her house. So I said "u didnt call him today?" she said no then I asked so if you called him right now and put it on speakerphone and said what time did I call u what would he say she said I don't know... so there it was, she knew I knew she was lyin... I studied all that stuff: how to tell if someone is lying, body language, word patterns and she had most of the "symptoms" but she never admitted having feelings for him.

She just said I love him but I'm not in love with him and then she doesn't like not keeping in touch with people that she loves and that he just keeps her updated about school and stuff and I'm like it can't be that innocent of a conversation if you had to lie about talking to him and yada yada yada then I went home, didn't kiss her or hug her... nothin and normally I call her when I get home but I didn't this time... so she called and I fussed some more and then she finally said she wouldn't talk to him anymore so I left it alone. Then a couple of days ago I looked in her phone a couple of times and I didn't see any calls between them but she could have erased them I'm trying to figure out how I can tell if she's still talking to him because if she is I'll leave her in a heartbeat.

I hear what you guys aree saying thanks for the advice. I just thought I'd give it one more chance to see if its worth it which might be a mistake but I'll see what happens. So if there are any ideas what I should do let me know please... Thanks
-jojo

Jojo jojo jojo,

We aren't clicheing you to death to make you single and unhappy. We are telling you to get rid of her to save your heartache which you HAVE NO IDEA HOW PAINFUL IT WILL BE. Of course SHE HAS WHAT YOU CALL "SYMPTOMS" OF Lying. Why? Because she's lying. Quite forcing the issue of needing her physically. And just move on to someone that doesn't have "symptoms." LISTEN! I know how it feels to want someone that bad. And I'm telling you, the EXACT. SAME. THING. HAPPENED. TO. ME.

SHE. WILL. CONTINUE. TO. FIND. A. WAY. TO. KEEP. HIM. AROUND.

Whether it be with you knowing it or not. She will keep him around romantically. And that is not fair to you AT ALL. Please understand that. It is not OK to put you in an uncomfortable position as a friend, girlfriend, OR person. Her promises to not call him have already been broken. Why give 3rd 4th 5th chances? Just be her friend, and go out with another girl, then maybe later that guy will end up in jail or something and she won't want him.

Listen to this quote:

When the one you love cheats it's like finding cockroaches in your house. If you've found one, you can bet there's a much bigger problem going on than the one you see.

Onward,

John