What is it with adult daughters? Do they all go through this?
I have 35, 29 and 25 year old daughters. I adore them with all my heart. And tell them so.
They have all gone through a faze or time when they hate me and are angry at me and think I am the meanest mom on earth. They say I yelled at them and said mean things, honestly when they describe what I "said" it is exaggerated greatly in their mind and they are not thinking/remembering what may have brought on the incident or how they talked to me. What is up with this? Can I please get some feed back from Mothers who have adult daughters? Thank you.

Want an answer from an adult daughter? My mother seems to think I'm 10 or 11 and tends to say whatever crosses her mind, whenever it crosses her mind, because "she's my mother." It's a problem for my siblings and it's a problem for me. She is simply overly-critical, always has been and doesn't bother to try to hide it.

I don't know what your situation is but being someone's mother is not a license to be rude or unkind.

Thank you JudyKayTee, I sympathize with you. I am going to really watch how I interact with them closely, because I don't want to alienate them from me. I don't believe I treat them like they are 10 and I don't criticize them. I do give advise. I watch what I say though and keep my mouth shut most of the time because I know they would not take what I say like they would someone else.

Are these things that you have done in the present or in the past?

If they are in the present then you need to pull up your socks and stop being a 'mommy', if they are in the past they need to grow up and get over it. However, saying mean things to anyone at any age is not on.

With daughters that are 35, 29 and 25 it's time to let them live their own lives and for them to let you live yours. Practice 'loving detachment', you'll be surprised at how the dynamic will change.

Hi Gemimni,

Thank you for responding. This is in the past, and I don't and never have said mean things to them. That's why I don't understand. I was strict when they were young. I had to be the primary disciplinarian. I was divorced and then remarried and that was not a good marriage.

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Originally Posted by Sissielala

Hi Gemimni,

Thank you for responding. This is in the past, and I don't and never have said mean things to them. Thats why I don't understand. I was strict when they were young. I had to be the primary disciplinarian. I was divorced and then remarried and that was not a good marraige.

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Well if it's in the past - then for heaven's sake, they need to get over it! We all have times in our youth when we don't agree with what our parents said and did - but hey, growing up means letting go of this stuff.

They are old enough now, to put it in the past and put it into perceptive.

Don't pander to them by engaging in such conversations. Just let them know that you did your best and what's done is done. Tell them you're not prepared to go over old stuff any more.

If you did what you could to raise your girls, I don't think that you are in the minority when you say that your adult children have "hated" you in the past. There are many really nice women that I know that have had strained relationships with their mother at some point and have eventually learned how to deal with disagreements in an adult manner. When one is younger, a person that disagrees with you is not your friend (unless you are mature enough to see them as helping you) and especially if it is coming from "mom". As you get older, a young woman realizes that you can keep a relationship going and agree to disagree.

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Originally Posted by Gemini54

Well if it's in the past - then for heaven's sake, they need to get over it! We all have times in our youth when we don't agree with what our parents said and did - but hey, growing up means letting go of this stuff.

They are old enough now, to put it in the past and put it into perceptive.

Don't pander to them by engaging in such conversations. Just let them know that you did your best and what's done is done. tell them you're not prepared to go over old stuff any more.

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That is what I do! You saying that made me realize it, I pander to them, I have a "guilt complex" so I am always "sorry" and take the blame for everything with them.. Thank you for you help

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Originally Posted by rosemcs

If you did what you could to raise your girls, I don't think that you are in the minority when you say that your adult children have "hated" you in the past. There are many really nice women that I know that have had strained relationships with their mother at some point and have eventually learned how to deal with disagreements in an adult manner. When one is younger, a peson that disagrees with you is not your friend (unless you are mature enough to see them as helping you) and especially if it is coming from "mom". As you get older, a young woman realizes that you can keep a relationship going and agree to disagree.

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This is good to know, that many others go through the same thing with daughters. Thank you