I KNOW my girlfriend is lying, how to confront her and/or catch her in the lie.
Sorry this is so long, please help me and read:
I have been dating this girl since October. We moved in together a month ago. We did not move in because we are taking our relationship to the next level but because we both needed roommates. Several weeks before we moved in she donated her eggs and had complications. One of her ovaries was cut and had to have emergency surgery to fix it. We haven't had sex for almost 2 months because before she was way too fertile, even with a condom on and now because she says she needs to get back on the pill to readjust her hormones, restart her menstrual cycle, and to get the OK from the doctor to have sex. So our sex life has totally died. I can understand all of this stuff she is saying, but part of me made me wonder if something was up and she might be making it up. She doesn't even want to mess around or anything. She is one of those girls who had a lot of guy friends and almost no girl friends. That has taken me some time to get used to but I'm doing it. I'm really not a jealous person, and only become one when I feel like I have a reason to be. Plus she has acted less affectionately as she used to. She just acts different than she used to act. She doesn't kiss as much and whatnot. She says not a super clingy person or super affectionate and that is fine. I just have noticed a change. Maybe she's out of the puppy love phase of the relationship? I don't know. So I become wary of how she acts now and how she doesn't want to mess around at all. I understand she may not want to because her body is out of whack. But part of me can't help wonder if that is actually the case. So I start to spy on her pretty hard core. I had never done anything like this before. I feel bad that I did this. I'm not justifying her privacy invasion, but I felt like I had no choice. I didn't want to be the sucker boyfriend who has no idea what's going on behind my back. I had to look around to know for sure. She started talking to an old high school friend who she never really knew. This guy flagged my attention. They would hang out and such. I did feel uncomfortable about it but wasn't going fuss over it. I didn't want to be that guy who would freak over her hanging out with other guys than me.
One day I was reading through her IM's on her computer and saw a conversation they were having about how they had hooked up and how it happened too fast. I believe that she went to a show with him and might have stayed the night with him. The same night the show was happening she went to a club with some friends. So when I read this chat, I couldn't believe it. I printed it out and met up for lunch with her. I asked her if she had slept with him and she said no. I asked her repeatedly. I showed her the IM's and she was shocked that I had been spying, which is natural. But how could I make an accusation without any kind of proof. She said how the way I've been acting was pushing her away, I'm smothering her, and I don't act laid back like I used to and this guy does. She said didn't sleep with him but they did kiss. She says the hooking up meant the kiss. And says she didn't go to show with him. She says she didn't sleep with him and I think I believe her because of her operation. But at the same time I don't know if maybe she is better but keeping that from me. So we have the talk and I say I will chill out. Normally this would have ended very differently but we are both on the lease for a year. I mean I do like this girl, but I'm stuck with her in our place for a year. I want to work this out since I'm stuck with her. So I still feel uneasy about it, and she still acts the same. I didn't ask her not to see him anymore because it was “just a kiss”.
So I have a webcam set up in my living room, and I come home and he is there and they are watching to TV. I'm all sketched out and I go into my room to look at the videos from the webcam. I'm blown away when I see video of him going in for a kiss and they hold a kiss for several seconds. Oh man, I barely held myself back from beating the &%$# out of him. He leaves and I'm thinking how I'm going to do this. I couldn't just sit on this and not say anything. So I ask her to come in my room and I show it to her. It's basically the same conversation we had at lunch, but more serious because it's a repeated offense. She says she's sorry but also says she was mad at me because I had been creeping. I don't know if that's a real excuse. At this point I say I don't want her hanging out with him anymore. I feel like I have the damn right to say that. She says OK. I can't control if she talks to him, but I think I have the right now to be mad if they hang out. I see messages to him about how she can't really see him because it's not right, yada yada yada. I'm bending over backwards at this point. I want to just walk away from this but I can't. I live with her! It's one big circle. She acted like this because I have acted like that, and because she is acting like that makes me want to check on what she is doing behind her back. We have betrayed each other's trust. I have stopped being in all her business. I'm trying hard to rebuild my trust with her. It's not like it's going to come back in two seconds.
So I get home tonight from work and she isn't home, so I randomly check to see if she has talked to him. And they have…she says that since he is going to be near her parents house, he should come see part of the game. He says if he comes, it's not going to be till half time. I can only assume they are doing something now when they hang out. I don't know for fact if they hung out or not, but just the fact that she initiated it. How do I call her out now? I can't say that I'm in her business again. She comes home a little later and I kind of hide that I'm pissed. I ask if she had talked to him lately or seen him lately. She says no. I ask her would she lie to me about it. She says no.
We are going to lunch tomorrow. I want to bring it up again, but casually. Like ask if he ever met her parents, and ask more questions if they have had interactions. I want to catch her in a lie. I want to just tell her straight up, but I CAN NOT mention that I'm on her computer again. Should I just let this go? I think she might be pretending to keep things going is because she things to be civil in the house, maybe not? I don't know. I know they still casually talk, but that's harmless. Why would she be trying to hang out with him again! I haven't done anything to make her wander. Do I put everything on the table and say I know? How do I approach this? I'm trying to make the smartest decision. I may be over reacting. Should I be giving her crap for wanting to hang out with him? It would be so much work for me to leave. I would have to find a new place and I don't have the money right now to get a new place right away. Please help. I have lunch with her at noon (EST). I need some tips before then! Thank you!