My husband is guilty about his past affair and now rejects intimacy
My husband and I were married for almost 12 years now and we have a second grade daughter. I can't say it was a perfect marriage since we have also our troubles and arguments just like any couple but, we do patch out our differences and still be together. In the course of the marriage , there never was a third party involved until just recently. I never dreamt and expected my husband to do such thing;I imagine a life with him still growing strong even till the end of time that's why when he confessed me about his 3 months affair with someone else. (I noticed why he suddenly turned cold to me, I asked him twice before but he lied both times), I felt my world has stopped at that moment,felt helpless,hatred and even asked him to leave. He is a very reserved person and he prefers to keep things on his own but he told me this issue because he felt guilty. He promised to take care of us (me and daughter) no matter what will happen and still say he still love me. He asked for forgiveness and I forgave him Just like what God does to all sinners and because I still love him dearly. I can bear the thought of seeing our child having no father too.
However, I just felt that he doesn't want to be intimate with me anymore. He sleeps in a separate bedroom and I let him do that because of his work schedule. But on his day-off, I would ask him if he wants me to make him "happy" so I could go visit his bed. He would answer me, "NO". I felt so rejected. He would say, his mind isn't clear and isn't back yet. He would not rather look at me when I am dressed seductively. I assured him that I had forgiven him and trying to put the past behind but he still cannot forget and forgive himself. He would say he felt terribly sorry for hurting me so much and I don't know if this is his way to punish himself or perhaps, that somebody has a big impact to him than I do. He said that sex in not in his mind right now. He would say, I should have left him and never to accept him back because that's the way I should act in this kind of situation. We have a different faith and religion and probably, he can't accept that God guided me in my decision and forgive such a grave mistake that changes everything in our life. I told him to talk to somebody but he refuses and doesn't want to talk about it. Even his friends doesn't know about it. He is ashamed that his family circle(mom and dad) learned about his infidelity and doesn't want to talk to them as well. I agreed to give him time to think, but I don't know how much time I have to wait for him to come back. He said eventually he will come back but for how long a guilty person comes back to his senses? Anyone who has the same feeling as him? I don't know if I can still keep living on like this. We are just a married couple in one roof but only in the eyes of people around us.
My child and I are dependent to him financially for now since I plan to go back to school for a couple of years to change a new career path.Thank you very much for any input. Appreciate it.