A few weeks ago I got out of a bad, abusive relationship. It finally hit me after being pointed out to me by relatives, social workers, that the man I was with and his grown children were just using me financially. Soon after I moved in with him 3 years ago, he lost his income like within a week of me and my daughter moving in. And I supported, him, his daughter and her fiancé and his son on my income. Things appeared to be OK, other than the fact he had a strange relationship with his ex-wife. I soon found she was constantly borrowing money from him, (well me).
A year later, he came into some money and started spending most of it on his ex-wife, taking her out to dinner several times (he never did take me out), and would hardly contribute to the bills or rent. I ended up doing that, however, my income would only cover so much and he failed to realize that. He started accusing me of stealing, taking money, which was unfounded -at that time we had separate accounts. He spent his money on alcohol, cigarettes for everyone including his ex-wife and kids (I didn't smoke or drink), games for the PS3, PS2, XBox, etc. everything but bills.

Then his ex-wife got thrown out and he moved her in with us - then her son got thrown out and he moved him in with us. So I was supporting 8 people, providing food when his food card ran out, cigarettes for all of them, etc. I started looking for places to move to but it was the dead of winter and hard to do so. I got behind on the bills again, but he failed to realize how much money it costs to support all those people - I cleared about $3000/month and I had 120 mile round trip commute to work everyday. He still started yelling and accusing me of stealing money and not keeping up with the bills.

Then his daughter decided to get married in June (6 months) now keep in mind her and her fiancé did not work, and that financial burden also fell on me.

Also, I was hit by a semi in her car and this is still being litigated. Neither he nor his daughter could get a car in either name, but I was able to... so now I was paying for two cars and insurance on everyone to drive it.

I ended up having to take out payday loans to help ends meet sometimes. And I told him that... he became furious stating that we should be able to make ends meet without that and I asked him how? Between rent, bills, two car payments, insurance, cell phones, food, wedding stuff, gas for the cars, their cigarettes (about $150/week on those along). And he accused me of stealing and then telling me that if I don't pay back what I stole, then me and Jessie could go.

We started looking again. Then he said he made a mistake and we could stay.

He ignored us, and starting hanging more with his ex-wife while she was staying with us taking her out on the town drinking.

I was told that wait until after the wedding and he was going to throw us out.

3 hours after the wedding, that is exactly what he did... we had an hour to get our stuff out and a friend of mine is putting us up...

I had payday loans taken out to help pay for the wedding. They are in my name - the lease was in both of our names... I have the Klaire's car in my name and paying for it... it was to replace the car that got hit by the semi...

He still is accusing me of stealing and there is no proof of that and what would I be stealing since I was the breadwinner? He got some cash assistance towards the end but he had the card at all times...

Any help or suggestions would be great... My daughter and I had to start all over, we have no dishes, furniture, etc. When he moved us up there he had me get rid of everything. He also told me when he threw me out that he only moved us up there out of pity, he never loved me. He actually had given me a titanium ring... so it makes me wonder if he had this planned to use me financially from 3 years ago.

Ok well first let me ask this and then ill give you my personal experience and advice.. the person you are staying with, are you contributing there or are they allotting you some time to get things back on track?

Allotting time to get things on track. Actually had a house they were going to rent out, so we are staying there. Some people are giving me things like pots and pans, stuff.

All right then you have some extra money to help get those debts paid off.. then get your name off that lease ASAP!! The car situation, I hope to God your going to tell me you have both vehicles and they are not still driving the car.. as far as that goes... im not sure how car dealerships work about letting you take vehicles back if that negatively effects your credit.. sorry I'm not too experienced in that but you may need to check into that.. DO NOT pay for a car for THEM to use.. When me and my ex husband split I stayed in my godparents house for a year and a half getting things right because everything was destroyed and I had nothing.. first things first is pay off those pay day loans... if you haven't already.. do NOT give them any money.. go get that car if they have it.. cut off all communication from them... im not sure of all your specifics but it should be relatively easy for you to get back on track if they are allotting you some extra time to get on your feet.. budget budget budget.. keep things tight as possible... how much are the car payments if you don't mind me asking? What may be another option is you trying to sell the car... or the older of the two you know?

I am having a tow company go get the car... I have cut off all communication. The car payments are out of the park and I already talked to the financing company. I felt guilty taking the car since I was hit by the semi and I would be leaving them carless but was advised to go get it.

Don't feel guilty because they obviously didn't care about you when they were using you to get what they wanted... and its not like their insurance won't cover it... what did the finance company say? Have you considered maybe listing one to try to sell it? You know for the remainder of what is owed?

Hi OP, I am assuming you are in the USA? You can get help from battered wives in the USA, was this male on any state benefits such as welfare whilst you were paying for everything,? if he was inform them that hes claiming illegally. You can't claim for anything you willingly paid for but if you can show he forced you to make payments for things you didnt have you might be able to claim for them. Dont feel guilty for doing anything to that man hes despicable, and I hope you can get your life back on track, you deserve so much more, you practically held them together, and this is how they repay you, Im so sorry youve had to endure this. I wish you well.

Hi there - I wasn't married to him, thank goodness, but where can I get help like that? Search for battered wives or something like that? He let his ex-wife take swings at me and chase me down if I was trying to hide the alcohol. Yes he was getting benefits at the end while I was there. And I don't think the landlord knows she is staying there. Everyone is telling me the same thing, not to feel sorry for them at all. He told me and my daughter, who has cerebral palsy and epilepsy, to show are butts to the door and he didn't care if we had to go to a shelter or not. He and his ex wife said this to in front of her


The insurance that I paid for gave him a check to get a car but he used it on other things, but he is blaming me for that to, that he had to spend the money on other things because I didn't take care of it

Whattt!! Wait the insurance that YOU were paying for? Who's name is the insurance in?

And is it enough to cover the expense of the car you currently have?

Mine


It was enough to get him a car that runs... he just chose to spend it on other things. I told him he should use it to get a car... but video games, etc. was far more important. That is why I went out and got another car... they were using mine to get around because I had a concussion and couldn't work. Neither one of us were cited because road conditions were terrible. I was hit by a semi like 5 times but yet he is mean enough to say I did it intentionally

Was the money paid out to you and if so how did he get a hold of it? Did you give it to him? That is something you may be able to get him into court for...

It was his car that I had used to run an errand. It was parked behind me and we typically used each other's cars. So he could do whatever he pleased with the money. So not sure how I would be responsible for replacing that car when money was paid out to him.

Hi Again OP, here is a list of websites you can go to for help,

I didnt know what part of the USA you are in, but these sites will lead to other sites where you can get some help financially it wont be much but youll be able to get some help . Good Luck

National Domestic Violence
National Domestic Violence Hotline
USA site
EADV (Educating Against Domestic Violence) - An organization with domestic violence education for abused women, warning signs of domestic violence and abuse, and information on domestic violence prevention.
USA site 2
Family Violence Prevention Fund
Worldwide pages
HPP Earth: international domestic violence information
Minnesota
MINCAVA Electronic Clearinghouse
USA site
EADV (Educating Against Domestic Violence) - An organization with domestic violence education for abused women, warning signs of domestic violence and abuse, and information on domestic violence prevention.
USA site 2
Family Violence Prevention Fund
Worldwide pages
HPP Earth: international domestic violence information
Minnesota
MINCAVA Electronic Clearinghouse
Coalition
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Texas
Texas Council on Family Violence

OK.. well try some of those sites that posp posted... see if they can help with anything.. in the meantime realize you are going to have to make some sacrifices to get things back on track now

Yes I do... thank you

If you post this same question on the legal threads you will get legal advice concerning the debts, checks, etc.

A few weeks ago I got out of a bad, abusive relationship. It finally hit me after being pointed out to me by relatives, social workers, that the man I was with and his grown children were just using me financially. Soon after I moved in with him 3 years ago, he lost his income like within a week of me and my daughter moving in. And I supported, him, his daughter and her fiancé and his son on my income. Things appeared to be OK, other than the fact he had a strange relationship with his ex-wife. I soon found she was constantly borrowing money from him, (well me).
A year later, he came into some money and started spending most of it on his ex-wife, taking her out to dinner several times (he never did take me out), and would hardly contribute to the bills or rent. I ended up doing that, however, my income would only cover so much and he failed to realize that. He started accusing me of stealing, taking money, which was unfounded -at that time we had separate accounts. He spent his money on alcohol, cigarettes for everyone including his ex-wife and kids (I didn't smoke or drink), games for the PS3, PS2, XBox, etc. everything but bills.

Then his ex-wife got thrown out and he moved her in with us - then her son got thrown out and he moved him in with us. So I was supporting 8 people, providing food when his food card ran out, cigarettes for all of them, etc. I started looking for places to move to but it was the dead of winter and hard to do so. I got behind on the bills again, but he failed to realize how much money it costs to support all those people - I cleared about $3000/month and I had 120 mile round trip commute to work everyday. He still started yelling and accusing me of stealing money and not keeping up with the bills.

Then his daughter decided to get married in June (6 months) now keep in mind her and her fiancé did not work, and that financial burden also fell on me.

Also, I was hit by a semi in her car and this is still being litigated. Neither he nor his daughter could get a car in either name, but I was able to... so now I was paying for two cars and insurance on everyone to drive it.

I ended up having to take out payday loans to help ends meet sometimes. And I told him that... he became furious stating that we should be able to make ends meet without that and I asked him how? Between rent, bills, two car payments, insurance, cell phones, food, wedding stuff, gas for the cars, their cigarettes (about $150/week on those along). And he accused me of stealing and then telling me that if I don't pay back what I stole, then me and Jessie could go.

We started looking again. Then he said he made a mistake and we could stay.

He ignored us, and starting hanging more with his ex-wife while she was staying with us taking her out on the town drinking.

I was told that wait until after the wedding and he was going to throw us out.

3 hours after the wedding, that is exactly what he did... we had an hour to get our stuff out and a friend of mine is putting us up...

I had payday loans taken out to help pay for the wedding. They are in my name - the lease was in both of our names... I have the Klaire's car in my name and paying for it... it was to replace the car that got hit by the semi...

He still is accusing me of stealing and there is no proof of that and what would I be stealing since I was the breadwinner? He got some cash assistance towards the end but he had the card at all times...

Any help or suggestions would be great... My daughter and I had to start all over, we have no dishes, furniture, etc. When he moved us up there he had me get rid of everything. He also told me when he threw me out that he only moved us up there out of pity, he never loved me. He actually had given me a titanium ring... so it makes me wonder if he had this planned to use me financially from 3 years ago

I don't see you recovering anything money wise from this person. What do you have to prove that you just didn't do this all out of the goodness of your heart. That's exactly what this mooch will testify to when and if you ever decide to take him to court. The part about replacing the car that you were in while hit by a semi is ridiculous. Why should you have to replace her car? What about the insurance company paying for the car that was hit?

And if you clear over $3K a month you should have no problem buying new dishes or furniture for yourself. You could start at the local Goodwill and at least get a set of dishes, cups, etc. pots and pans to tide you over until you could buy new ones.

You should be grateful that you got out of such an abusive relationship with your life. You will definitely have learned your lesson when it comes to men.

You could consult with an attorney about suing him but since he has no money how would you collect even if you did win? You essentially have a no win situation on your hands legally.

I'd take possession of the car that you are paying for and use that for your transportation. If your name is on the title and you are paying for it it is legally yours, not the daughter's property.

He got the check and spent it on other things than a car. But he still feels I owe them a car since he said I wrecked it. The weather was bad and neither one of us were cited. The semi hit me but we both slid on the ice. It is still being litigated. He took the $2900 and said he needed to spend it on other things that I didn't take care of. But try supporting 7 other people and pay bills and rent. He could have bought a used car like the one that was hit.. 1998 Olds Cutlass that was what was hit.

Yes the car is in my name since neither the daughter nor him could get a car on their own. I have plans to have it towed away from there. The financing company is going to help me. Just wasn't sure if they were going to give me problems since I am taking the car and leaving them with nothing.