My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for the past three years. We are the same age(23). Although we went through a lot of ups and downs in our relationship (because he was very lazy person), we had always pull ourselves through the hard times and look past our differences. During the three years that we have been together, I have always felt that I have exerted much more effort into the relationship than he did. He finally ended things with me four months ago, stating that he has lost feelings for me. Although he is my first love, he has never told me he loved me throughout the entire relationship. I told him I loved him after 6 months when he asked me. We have cut all ties since we broke up. What can I do to make him realize that he had made a mistake for breaking up with me?

You can't... only he can realize that, but then again he may never realize it... continue with NC and keep trying to move on. He didn't even tell you that he loved you, why would you want someone who doesn't share their feelings? And you mention ups and downs, perhaps communication was the problem there, if he can't tell you he loves you throughout the 3 years together, what else did he have trouble expressing?

My ex and I had a great relationship for 2 years, I can't even think of a down... yes I think she made a mistake and I want her to realize that too. But I've accepted the fact that its really over, and if she ever does realize she made a mistake, it'll probably be too late.

The same goes for you, love yourself enough to realize that you're better off, and tell yourself that its really over everyday... please don't ever expect him to come crawling back or you'll end up planning on it, instead of planning things for yourself. I'm sorry for your loss, and your heartbreak. But remember, what goes around comes around... he'll have his heart broken one day, and if he doesn't then that's just not fair, lol.

Personally, I think everyone should have their heart broken, at least once... it may not be a good experience right away, but everyone has something to learn from it.
Anyone agree?

Unfortanetly you can't make him realize anything. Most importantly give him the space he needs, there is no figuring out what you have done wrong or in fact if this could have been prevented. You gave all that you can and you can't make anyone else feel a certain way. Do not allow him to be the center of your happiness.. it is normal to feel heart broken, but don't you want better for yourself? You want someone who will tell you they love you, you want a healthy relationship, and you deserve it. Just be happy this is over, because in the end you can't make someone love you know matter how much you try... What you compromise to keep, you will ultimately lose! Just take this relationship as a lesson and remember that this is only one of life many lessons, learn from it for the next time...

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

You can't... only he can realize that, but then again he may never realize it... continue with NC and keep trying to move on. He didn't even tell you that he loved you, why would you want someone who doesn't share their feelings? And you mention ups and downs, perhaps communication was the problem there, if he can't tell you he loves you throughout the 3 years together, what else did he have trouble expressing?

My ex and i had a great relationship for 2 years, i can't even think of a down... yes i think she made a mistake and i want her to realize that too. But i've accepted the fact that its really over, and if she ever does realize she made a mistake, it'll probably be too late.

The same goes for you, love yourself enough to realize that you're better off, and tell yourself that its really over everyday... please don't ever expect him to come crawling back or you'll end up planning on it, instead of planning things for yourself. I'm sorry for your loss, and your heartbreak. But remember, what goes around comes around... he'll have his heart broken one day, and if he doesn't then thats just not fair, lol.

personally, i think everyone should have their heart broken, at least once... it may not be a good experience right away, but everyone has something to learn from it.
Anyone agree?

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Yes I agree! We have communication issues, but after being a part from him, I realize that there are things I could improve myself. He's not a very expressive person. At the beginning of the relationship, he told me things like I'M THE ONE, and HE CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT ME, etc. Towards the end he was just very disrespectful and have taken me for granted. I AGREE that everyone needs their heart broken once in their lifetime. But does that mean people can never end up with the person they love? I love this guy! He is my everything! I just want to make him realize that he had made a mistake... because I honestly feel that he did. But I love him too much to PUSH him to be with me, I just can't do that either.

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Originally Posted by ihatewestseneca

You can't... only he can realize that, but then again he may never realize it... continue with NC and keep trying to move on. He didn't even tell you that he loved you, why would you want someone who doesn't share their feelings? And you mention ups and downs, perhaps communication was the problem there, if he can't tell you he loves you throughout the 3 years together, what else did he have trouble expressing?

My ex and i had a great relationship for 2 years, i can't even think of a down... yes i think she made a mistake and i want her to realize that too. But i've accepted the fact that its really over, and if she ever does realize she made a mistake, it'll probably be too late.

The same goes for you, love yourself enough to realize that you're better off, and tell yourself that its really over everyday... please don't ever expect him to come crawling back or you'll end up planning on it, instead of planning things for yourself. I'm sorry for your loss, and your heartbreak. But remember, what goes around comes around... he'll have his heart broken one day, and if he doesn't then thats just not fair, lol.

personally, i think everyone should have their heart broken, at least once... it may not be a good experience right away, but everyone has something to learn from it.
Anyone agree?

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I know I need this guy in my life, I had a dream 3 nights ago, that I got shot in my dream... and that I was dying. The last person I called at that moment before death was my ex-boyfriend, and I told him I loved him. I woke up in the morning in tears, I was crying so hard I couldn't even comprehend my emotions. I have fallen too hard into this pit for me to know how to endure living without him. I'm a mess right now and it's been 5 months since we broke up. I still love him, but whenever my friends ask me, I don't tell anyone because I'm afraid that would just make it harder on myself. But I'm going crazy! I don't know what to do anymore!

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Originally Posted by jolienoire

Unfortanetly you can't make him realize anything. Most importantly give him the space he needs, there is no figuring out what you have done wrong or infact if this could have been prevented. You gave all that you can and you can't make anyone else feel a certain way. Do not allow him to be the center of your happiness.. it is normal to feel heart broken, but don't you want better for yourself? You want someone who will tell you they love you, you want a healthy relationship, and you deserve it. Just be happy this is over, because in the end you can't make someone love you know matter how much you try... What you compromise to keep, you will ultimately lose! Just take this relationship as a lesson and remember that this is only one of life many lessons, learn from it for the next time....

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I am doing things to better myself... I lost contact with him. He has probably moved on. I'm just sad that things didn't work out the way I had hope it would. I had plans to marry this guy in the future. It's just breaks my heart to know that it's over... and that there is no way for us to get back together if he doesn't want to. I'm torn.

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Originally Posted by shop4178

I know I need this guy in my life, I had a dream 3 nights ago, that I got shot in my dream...and that I was dying. The last person I called at that moment before death was my ex-boyfriend, and I told him I loved him. I woke up in the morning in tears, I was crying so hard I couldn't even comprehend my emotions. I have fallen too hard into this pit for me to know how to endure living without him. I'm a mess right now and it's been 5 months since we broke up. I still love him, but whenever my friends ask me, I don't tell anyone because I'm afraid that would just make it harder on myself. But I'm going crazy! I don't know what to do anymore!

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Dreams are powerful, and sometimes our dreams are mere reflection of what we are thinking you went to bed thinking of him, and how hurt you are the significance of the bullet and you being shot were your fear of rejection.. I am not a dream expert but I did study Psychology... You want him there, but the reality is that there is nothing you can do to make him see anything.. If it was meant to be he will come back.. When?? You don't know. The only thing you can do right now is to do things that make you happy, I know it seems hard, but as the days go by they begin to get better, some days you may have good days and somedays you may be a mess... but its apart of life and healing... I reunited with my first love after 10 years yes 10 years... We then broke up again a few months ago, and he realized he made a mistake but I gave him all the space he needed. And we are back together... I also want you to know that not all times they come back... But just take it one day at a time... do things that you like to do, hang out with friends, join the gym do something productive, at least to get your mind off him...

Have you spent time on yourself at all? Have you actually taken time to do things you enjoy... maybe hanging out with some friends... going to a concert... things of that nature?

I was deeply in love with my ex... for 3 years. Best relationship I've ever had. ihatewestseneca and I are pretty much doppelgängers in that we have the same experience. After 3 years, out of the blue, she dumped me. 2 weeks later, I find out she's seeing a new guy, partying and drinking, etc. (I was her first everything... and on top of that, she was VERY against drinking/partying).

It's weird. This girl was my moon/stars... and I intended to ask her to marry me in about a year or so. But now, it's been about 2 months after the breakup, and I'm doing better than ever. After joining a gym, spending time with my friends, just going out and doing what I enjoy doing, I realized that my life as a single guy is... awesome.

I enjoy my freedom more than ever... I used to not watch horror movies because my ex hates them... but I LOVE them. I also was saving up to buy a condo so we can live together, but instead, now, I bought a motorcycle.

I have more time and money now that I'm on my own... I don't know, I really enjoy it.

So. Get up. Get out. Go call up a friend. Go meet them for dinner. Go watch a movie you want to see. Go skydiving. Do something.

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Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny

have you spent time on yourself at all? have you actually taken time to do things you enjoy...maybe hanging out with some friends...going to a concert...things of that nature?

I was deeply in love with my ex...for 3 years. best relationship I've ever had. ihatewestseneca and I are pretty much doppelgangers in that we have the exact same experience. after 3 years, out of the blue, she dumped me. 2 weeks later, I find out she's seeing a new guy, partying and drinking, etc. (i was her first everything...and on top of that, she was VERY against drinking/partying).

it's weird. this girl was my moon/stars...and I intended to ask her to marry me in about a year or so. but now, it's been about 2 months after the breakup, and I'm doing better than ever. After joining a gym, spending time with my friends, just going out and doing what I enjoy doing, I realized that my life as a single guy is...awesome.

I enjoy my freedom more than ever...I used to not watch horror movies because my ex hates them...but I LOVE them. I also was saving up to buy a condo so we can live together, but instead, now, i bought a motorcycle.

I have more time and money now that I'm on my own...I don't know, I really enjoy it.

so. get up. get out. go call up a friend. go meet them for dinner. go watch a movie you wanna see. go skydiving. do something.

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I'd give you a greeny but I cant. Anyway, I feel the same way, I dotn really miss her anymore, but rather who I thought she was. And yeah, single life is pretty awesome. I never used to flirt back with girls, and now that I do, I have quite a bit of fun.

So yeah, get out there shop... and no offense, but that whole "i know hes the one" and everything, is kind of ridiculous... everyone feels like they're the one at the beginning of the relationship, that's why he said those things... but he's obviously not the one if he doesn't have those feelings for you. I feel for you, I really do... but I think you have to try harder to let go.

Obviously he feels he is doing the right thing, and I think you should accept it, and move on. Another example of him feeling different than you do. Learn from this, and leave him alone.

You asked how can I make this guy realize his mistake??
After 91/2 years with mine to the point of accepting his proposal he let me down again on the very point I asked to from the very beginning.
He keeps taking the temper tantrum and not discusing things and walking out and walking back into my life. Now today I made my decision no more come back. He broke the rules he walked out because he could not cope with my demands on him, and demands they became as year after year repeat bad behaviour kept coming back on the scene from his adult children and he kept accepting this.
He did not want to control this and I have said no more.
He wants back but I have said no.
If this is how your partner feels no then you can't do anything about it.
Its hard but obviously he does not feel he wants to commit.
I now have to shake myself off get rid of the what if and what could I have done to change.
I cannot change him if he does not
a. see the need to change
b. does not want to change
c. does not love the person enough to try to discuss what changes prepared to make
Love is hard and makes you either angry, depressed, fearful of the next
Wipe off get on and enjoy your life. Do the things you want to do.
Go to the cinema watch the movie you've always wanted to see and meet your friends have a laugh a cry and whatever. Join something new do something you have not done before.
Get on with enjoying your life.:)

I have been in the Same situation as you! Almost verbatim. There is nothing you can do to make him realize. He has to come to that decision on his own. If he doesn't, then count yourself lucky that you won't waste time on someone who isn't worth it.

I'm sorry you're going through this but I have to ask why you want to be with this guy? He hasn't told you he loves you, is lazy and sounds like he doesn't know a good thing when he has it.

You might find this to be a blessing in disguise. Worry about you. You're young. Think of your life and your plans. What do YOU want to do with your life?

You can't change anyone who does not want to change but you can change yourself. Your whole is ahead of you. Make it special and you will find someone who appreciates you when YOU appreciate you.

Say goodbye to bad rubbish and move on. You can do this!!

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Originally Posted by shop4178

My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for the past three years. We are the same age(23). Although we went through a lot of ups and downs in our relationship (because he was very lazy person), we had always pull ourselves through the hard times and look past our differences. During the three years that we have been together, I have always felt that I have exerted much more effort into the relationship than he did. He finally ended things with me four months ago, stating that he has lost feelings for me. Although he is my first love, he has never told me he loved me throughout the entire relationship. I told him I loved him after 6 months when he asked me. We have cut all ties since we broke up. What can I do to make him realize that he had made a mistake for breaking up with me?

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You can't make him realise he has made a mistake. Only he can do that.

You need to start being yourself again. Be the person that he was attracted to in the first place. Leave him alone. If he comes back, it will be because he has made a mistake.

The worst thing you can do is to keep trying to get him back. He will likely pull away more.

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Originally Posted by susangpyp

I'm sorry you're going through this but I have to ask why you want to be with this guy? He hasn't told you he loves you, is lazy and sounds like he doesn't know a good thing when he has it.

You might find this to be a blessing in disguise. Worry about you. You're young. Think of your life and your plans. What do YOU want to do with your life?

You can't change anyone who does not want to change but you can change yourself. Your whole is ahead of you. Make it special and you will find someone who appreciates you when YOU appreciate you.

Say goodbye to bad rubbish and move on. You can do this!!!

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Thank you for your reply! I feel so much better! You're right! It's not worth it if he doesn't appreciate the little things I do. I always feel those people will never learn until someone is doing the hurt on them. Within these few days, I think I am thinking more clearly about this situation... I'm going to forget about the past.. stop questioning the "what ifs"... it's too late anyway.

I just really don't get how people can sit there and think "that person has made a mistake".

It is THEIR life to do what they want. In life you don't always get what you want; its called experience. Everyone gets dumped at one point or another, and yes it sucks, but its something that makes you stronger and it will make you a better person in the end.

Them not wanting to be with you most like was not something spur of the moment they thought of. Chances are they ve been thinking of it long before they did it. Yes it's a harsh reality, but you need to realize this is you're ever going to get over it.

Come to terms and accept the fact atht somebody just didn't want a relationship with you. It will help you heal that much faster, and just move on with your life there's more to it than worrying away over someone.

You can make him realize his mistake and he will definitely come back if you want do you know any one or two of his friends

And I hope you know the difference between lion and fish. Lion is the one who gets what he want and if you look at fish it didn't even notice that he just missed his prey.

And if you could brief out little more then only I can help you out because mostly I have seen that girls take guys for granted but in bottom of their heart he is the only person whom she love. Mostly bcoz of this attitude of girls guys usually broke up. What guys really need is they want a girl who admire them I am not talking about looks but other things. Guys like girls a lot who are supportive (even if they are wrong), soft spoken, caring and even if you caught guys lying to you don't rush to conclusion, try to figure out and believe him whatever he say, because he might be lying because he don't want to hurt you. But in your case as you said he never said he love you and you had a relationship for 3 years. I couldn't say anything because you cannot clap with just one hand until you completely describe me about situation like issues on which you both use to have quarrel some and all.