My boyfriend did crack younger, he just he started again and he fills horrible- do I help him or he really needs rehab program:confused:
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My boyfriend did crack younger, he just he started again and he fills horrible- do I help him or he really needs rehab program:confused:
It depends how many times he has done it since starting back up. If he only did it a time or two, you may be able to help him yourself. If he's been doing it a lot that means he may need rehab.
vcorrea,
Is it okay for me to get straight to the point?
(1) You can be supportive as a girlfriend, not a therapist, IF your boyfriend gets help.
(2) You can do yourself a favor by running in the opposite direction as fast as you can if your boyfriend does not get help.
You are wise to ask for the advice of others in this matter. You have an opportunity to make another wise decision--help the boyfriend by insisting he get help. If he refuses, help yourself and everyone else in your life, present and future, by getting out fast!
Your boyfriend may not have reached his "bottom." Many people have to go down, down, and down before they are ready to look up and accept help.
Both you and your boyfriend may be tempted to minimize this situation by looking at it as "just one time." Don't play games with yourself and each other.
Take care of yourself, and...
IF he stays on the crack run and DON'T look back!
Don't make excuses for him. Don't buy his excuses.
Be supportive and encourage him to get help but make it clear that if he does not make progress in giving it up you can not stay with him.
There is little you can do, he has to want to stop, and you can not make or force him to stop. If he will not stop you have to choice to be with a drug addict that would give or sell anything to get his drug
Crack is very addictive. How did he stop when he was younger? Maybe he can use the same tactics to stop this time...Quote:
Originally Posted by vcorrea
People are different... it's all in your mind. You can't let the drug control you. Chances are high that if he's started again, he's not just going to stop. I can't tell you to up and leave him. It depends on how long you two have been together. Is is worth staying? If you've got a lot of history with this guy, I would stick by him and be very supportive. If time goes by and things get really rough, leaving him may open his eyes and make him realize what he's losing... but I don't really know your situation.
One things for sure... he's got to WANT to stop... not just stop because YOU want him to. He's got to want it bad enough for himself. Going to rehab is a decision he needs to make on his own. If he does it because you want him to... he's doing it for the wrong reason.
I wish you all the luck!
Disagree with the posters who say to "run". You said he feels horrible about it. A lot of people who have had an addiction and have been clean for a while can easily be brought back into it mainly based on the people he's hanging around. Is there any way you can keep him away from the people who are encouraging it? Many times, "friends" will prey on a persons weakness (his old addiction) in order to get him to party and pay for the drugs for the group. They don't care about him, they care about getting high, so they very well may be using him until he's all used up. Then once he's used up, they'll find someone else... or worse, he'll start selling it.
Do you know who he is using with? Can you keep him away from those people? Sit down and talk to him and ask him what he's lost so far to crack and if he realizes how much moe he is going to lose.
Refuse to give him money and keep a good eye on all your things that are sellable/tradeable for crack. Spend every free second you have with him. Since he admits he feels bad about it, it really sounds like peer pressure. You can help him, just be tough. He needs you to be tough. He may hate you for a minute but he will thank you for the rest of his sober life.
Physically, crack is not addictive. It's mental. Crack use usually is ritualistic (like when you get together with certain people, in certain situations). The thing with crack is, you just don't want to stop doing it once you start... not physically,but mentally. When you run out, immediately you start to think of ways to get more... sell stuff, steal stuff, etc.
Main thing is, find his "trigger" which is probably a friend and try to cut that person out of the picture. If he's partying at someone's house, see if you can go with him, go for support and to see what goes on. But you probably already havw an idea of what/wo his triggers are so do whatever you can do to help him avoid that. Plan other things together. Please, know you can do something. You are not helpless, you CAN help. Just don't compromise yourself in any way... and don't take ANY excuses. Crackheads are brilliant excuse makers and users. Be wary.
I disagree. Cocaine users do have physical dependency, although the mental dependency is overpowering. The physical withdrawal symptoms (if any) disappear quickly, though.Quote:
Originally Posted by passmeby
I agree with Isneeze 'keeping the addict away from the people that pressure him to do it is no cure and people have their own free will.
----Just for starters!
Well, having been an occasional cocaine user a handful of times as a very young person, never touching the stuff again for YEARS, an then hooking up with a few people who lured me in (I'm not blaming them, I had free will, but there's power behind addictions), I turned into a full fledged crackhead for about a full year. So I do know what I'm talking about. As soon as I got away from those people,the use stopped, no rehab or anything. Just putting my 2 cents in, having been there myself.
In that year, I lost my job first (not because of drug testing, but for not showing up), then I started stripping, got kicked out of where I was living then I started selling drugs. That's a general pattern. All it took for me to kick the habit was to distance myself from the people who dragged me in in the first place. Not saying I don't still occasionally crave it or think about it ever, I do, but I have distanced myself so far from it all, I wouln't even know where to get it, nor have the desire. I have so many great things in my life now due to being clean that it's really a non-issue.
Now please don't get me wrong, I know I had free will, but as far as this thread goes, we are talking about people who have already been drawn in... so saying "don't do it in the first place" doesn't apply here. We are talking about where to go from this point, not retrospect.
As soon as you got away from them is good, but when an addict WANTS to get high someone intervening rarely works. I know families that literally moved away to get their loved one away from the crack addicts only for their loved one to find all new crack addict friends. She can't keep him locked in the house and any efforts to keep him away from them could result in him resenting her... or worse. He has to have the will and determination or it is futile.
I agree, when people tried to make me realize that certain people were dragging me down, I didn't want to listen (but I knew it was true). BUT... she says he feels horrible (which means he's communicating with the GF about this issue... great start! ), so he may be ready to have some kind of intervention. If the girlfriend knows who is encouraging him to use, perhaps there is something she can do. Maybe talk directly to those people... tell them she's watching them, block their calls, do anything that would make it harder for them to get ahold of the BF. I think she should stick in there, get in his business, watch his money and don't accept his excuses. An ultimatum may be in order if all else fails. Maybe even an anonymous call to the police so that one of the frieends ends up in some trouble might help.
It's hard, I know... but it can be overcome. Even in rehab, the main stress is getting away from the people who are dragging you in... and/or avoiding your "triggers".
Hopefully he really does mean it. I have known too many that cry and swear they do not want it in their life any more but their actions speak WAY louder than their words.
And often it is just something they say to get you suckered in to staying with them
I feel for you! My baby's father is a continuing relapsing crack addict. It just depends on how far you want to go with the person. I know my crackhead stole my valuables, stole from our son, was just a thief in general. I don't have much advice for you other than ONLY stay around as long as you can handle it
Don't blame yourself for his problem!!
Put yourself first
I've lived with a crack user for 4 years. I love him with all my heart and soul but cannot help him unless he is willing to help himself. He's been clean for 3 months now because he attends NA meeting regularly and he's doing all he can to turn his life around. All I can do is commend him for doing the right things for the right reasons. It's all up to him. You can't "make" anyone do anything, but they can do anything they want to do. Co-dependancy is as bad as addiction. Try to make healthy choices for yourself first and tell him to do the same.
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