What to do AFTER no contact rule
Hey all,
So my g/f broke up with me after 3 yrs due to lost of passion and being too dependent on each other, and things getting routine by spending almost every day together. I got the dreaded "need space", "independence", and "can we stay friends".I learned quickly that being friends after a break up was next to impossible if the break up was not mutual. (leading to begging, pleading, and wondering of there was another guy etc which obviously pushed her further away). She assured me she was not looking to get into another relationship (even if this wasn't true, it surprisingly helped me get through the beginning stages of the break up, but I honestly do believe her in this respect). After a couple days, I told her I accepted her decision. We progressively had less and less contact and eventually went into no contact for about 3 weeks (no contact was my idea, as I found it very hard to do even daily activities). During this time, I reflected on what went wrong, how I can improve myself, and started working out, while she did her own thing. After I felt happy about myself, I re-established contact and we went to the movies together and spent time talking (just catching up, nothing about us though) but overall had a great time. So Later in the evening, eventually, I brought up us. I told her the break up was a good decision. I said that I still however had feelings for her and that if she would consider giving us a second chance. She said she'll think about it. After telling her, I started to flirt with her and she was very responsive. Also, she was impressed on how I'm more fit and I think she can tell I'm able to stand on my own two feet without her and feel more confident. I am trying to get her back slowly and trying not to apply any pressure (which I know asking for a second chance may be opposite of that intention :( ). As well, I'm keeping contact at a minimum till we meet again (were going to a concert together). I do not want to be viewed as only a friend from her as obviously I want more. Im not really sure how to act, or things I should avoid saying. Im trying to avoid appearing desperate or needy. Im trying to just act like myself and so far its been good but she's not the type to bring up the relationship I don't think (so I feel I have to, which is why I brought it up after the movie). From now on though I think I will avoid doing it till she's ready to give me an answer. So right now I'm not sure how I should act when I see her again, should I just keep acting like myself and see what happens? (obviously I'll continue to flirt haha :) ) And how long should I wait till I expect an answer? I do not want to wait forever. But I also do not want to move on if I know we still have a shot.
"She said she does not want to be so dependent on me,
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We went through a portion of the break up with limited contact and no contact. I tried my best during this time to focus on myself. Me, thinking she was doing the same. Apparently she did not and instead dwelled on our relationship. Recently, I asked for another chance and she said she was not ready. "She said she does not want to be so dependent on me, she said she realized that if i ever left she would be totally screwed." and her during the break up realized she still needed me badly. Basically she wants to get to the point where she doesn't need to be with me.. but want to be with me... I understood this and recently told her we should go no contact again for her sake. It was the hardest thing to do since I love her so much. She says she still loves me and still has feelings for me but wants that feeling of independence. Its confusing because its seems we both love each other and still we can not be together. I don't plan to wait around for her, but am wondering if no contact is the best way to go about this?
Also, I do prefer to stay in her life, and be there for her while she goes through this. But if I stay in her life will she ever not need to depend on me? I also don't want to just be friends, so I'm afraid to hang out with her in fear I will fall in the friend zone.