I cheat on my boyfriend but it was accident, after that everything going bad...
I am from different country, have nothing here. Have been with my boyfriend about 1 1/2 years. Work in restaurant with him. He is the boss I am waitress. He is sweetheart. Help me in everything.
When he left a country for 2 weeks, that happened that I cheat on him with his cooker from restaurant. The thing is I get pregnant. I told him. He helped me to make insurance and make abortion. I regret this so much now. He hurting from me so much. I hate myself for what I did. But it was everything just because I was drunk, absolutely drunk. He trying to be nice, he hugging, kissing, having sex. I am very moody just after abortion , sometimes I get mad and we fight, I start for anything.
Couple days ago I figure out that he register in dating website about 1 week ago. I find him there and I saw he put that he is single and he looking for a girlfriend. I was pizzed. I said him. After I asked did you put any picture on it? He said no. it is 14 pictures so far now. I am hysterically crying. I don't know what to do. He said he did because he want to be safe and he didn't know if I will do that again. After that he said all women with whom I talking from Europe, I will never meet them.
But its hurt so much, my heart bleeding, I am so confused, crying all the time. I am sick and feel like a killer from abortion, also I feel so bad because I hurt the closest person to me, and I have nobody else here. I feel unwanted anymore , I feel not needed to nobody anymore. I am depressed, want to just drink whole pack of pills and die.
I lost everything for him in my life, come in this country, have nothing in my life, left even my family. I don't know what I do. How I will handle everything this? Don't need judge. Just help me. I am in the end of knife, jump or not.