Okay so I didn't know whether to put this is Dating or Adult sexuality so I figured this would be my best bet.

My boyfriend and I have been going out for 10 months now.
We are not just each others "better halves" but we are best friends.
I have never met someone that I had so much in common with, and that I feel so close to.

Anyway to get to my question:

Why does it bother me when he watches porn?
We have talked about it many times and I have always told him that I have been cool with it.
But for some reason I get this pain in my heart every time I know that he is.

Today I was on his computer and I went to type "Google.com" into the URL box and it came up with pre-searched items... many which included sexual things.

Out of curiosity I clicked the items it came up with and was a bit upset with what I saw.

I know that it's natural and, hell, I even do it once in a while.
But it's almost like I am so uncomfortable with my body that I don't want him looking at other girls because I feel like he does that because he hates the way I look naked.

I'm not a skinny girl. I have gain a little in the past couple of moths due to heavy stress and I am just not that comfortable with the extra weight on my body.

It's not even that he is looking at a man and woman have sex, it's that he is look at pictures of girls. All lonesome and by themselves.


I want, so badly to just be okay with it all.
I hate hate hate the fact that this bothers me.

He doesn't hide it or anything. I mean, he doesn't have anything to hide!!
And it's not even that we have a bad sex life! It's amazingly wonderful!

I don't know what's wrong and I really am uncomfortable with myself for this.
I really don't want to talk to him about it because then he will think that he has done something wrong and he hasn't! I don't want him to stop watching porn just because it upsets me.

I would rather just get a better understanding as to why I am upset rather than for him to change.

I hope someone can help... I feel horrible =(

Another thing, I have read some of the other thread about porn issues.

They don't exactly answer my question so please be kind.
Thanks

You feel bad when he watches porn because you get the feeling that he would rather do that than to make love to you. And I would think that would be rather disheartening. Have you ever ask him why he watches it.

I think in your mind that you are competing with the actress' in the porn scenarios. Don't compete with fantasy women doing unrealistic and unhealthy sex.

Have confidence with yourself, girl. Continue to learn and grow in many areas of your life and you'll be an interesting woman well deserving of a good lover. :)

Best wishes, :)

You answer your own question in your own thread. You hate that he watches porn because, and I quote, " it's almost like I am so uncomfortable with my body that I don't want him looking at other girls because I feel like he does that because he hates the way I look naked".

You uncomfortable with your body and feels that he's looking at porn to view other girls bodies.

You need to build up your self-esteem and love the skin your in. Get naked and look at yourself and love what your looking at. Start there.

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Originally Posted by letmetellu

You feel bad when he watches porn because you get the feeling that he would rather do that than to make love to you. And I would think that would be rather disheartening. Have you ever ask him why he watches it.

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Actually,
I know he would rather have sex with me than look at pictures of naked woman.
And I know why he does watch porn.
Because it arouses him.

It's that simple.
That's not my question.

I want to know why it bothers me.

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Originally Posted by Choux

I think in your mind that you are competing with the actress' in the porn scenarios. Don't compete with fantasy women doing unrealistic and unhealthy sex.

Have confidence with yourself, girl. Continue to learn and grow in many areas of your life and you'll be an interesting woman well deserving of a good lover. :)

Best wishes, :)

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Thank you =)
I think this may help

Quote:

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Originally Posted by liz28

You answer your own question in your own thread. You hate that he watches porn because, and I quote, " it's almost like I am so uncomfortable with my body that I don't want him looking at other girls because I feel like he does that because he hates the way I look naked".

You uncomfortable with your body and feels that he's looking at porn to view other girls bodies.

You need to build up your self-esteem and love the skin your in. Get naked and look at yourself and love what your looking at. Start there.

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I only wish it was that simple.
I almost think that I knew this is what the problem was.
I mean, I know it's all self esteem... I just... wish it was easier to fix it.






In the end, it's not why he watches it or the fact that he even does watch porn.
It's just the fact that I need to be happier with my body...

Hi there , well I lisened to how you felt about him watching it, and its OK for you to be upset about him watching it, sometimes whe you love some one that is watching another naked woman on porn you might be feeling that he prefers her more then you, or you wish you could make him feel the way the lady in the porn does, well I don't know if that's true or not to u , but you got a few ways to stop all that or atleest try to...

1) Tell Him how you feel , that you don't like it, but I'm guessing you don't want to?

2) pretend to get caught watching it yourself , with a real fit man in the movie, that might make him feel what you are, then when he asks you why you was watching it , if he does turn around and say well you watch it , etc...

3) beat the crap out of him , lol

4) ask if why he likes to watch it , and tell him you don't like it . Then try and do things with him that might be better then him watching it...

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Originally Posted by saminaaaliyah

hi there , well i lisened to how you felt about him watching it, and its ok for you to be upset about him watching it, sometimes whe you love some one that is watching another naked woman on porn you might be feeling that he prefers her more then you, or you wish you could make him feel the way the lady in the porn does, well i dont know if thats true or not to u , but u got a few ways to stop all that or atleest try to...

1) Tell Him how u feel , that you dont like it, but im guessing you dont want to?

2) pretend to get caught watching it your self , with a real fit man in the movie, that might make him feel what you are, then when he asks you why u was watching it , if he does turn around and say well u watch it , ect.....

3) beat the crap out of him , lol

4) ask if why he likes to watch it , and tell him you dont like it . then try and do things with him that might be better then him watching it..........

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Okay, once again

I know he doesn't want to be with the person he is watching.
I know that he doesn't prefer porn over me.


That's not what this is about...







I realize you guys are trying to help but please just read it closely...




(End of y me... Sorry -_-)

I don't what kind of answers you want because nobody is mind readers. Only you know why it bothers you, nobody else. So how much more reading into your thread do you want us to do?

It all boills down to insecurity... when you feel good about yourself, you will not be thinking you don't measure up.

Fact is he chose you... never forget that.

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Originally Posted by liz28

I don't what kind of answers you want because nobody is mind readers. Only you know why it bothers you, nobody else. So how much more reading into your thread do you want us to do?

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I actually liked your answer...
So I'm not sure why you said that.

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I want to know why it bothers me.

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Because your insecure, and feel threatened, by him watching what you think are your competition, for his attention.

I have never watched porn and thought hey I wish my partner looked like that!

The appeal of porn is watching someone's sexual experience, it's not about watching to imagine yourself in the sex scene with that person.

You said that you have watched porn yourself, is that the feeling that you have when you are watching? Thinking about this may help you accept that it's just porn, it's not a replacement for you as a person.

It bothers you because its cheating,in the most fundamental sense.
He is having fantasy sex with someone else.
I don't allow it in my home.If he wants to masturbate ,he has to use his imagination.

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Originally Posted by artlady

It bothers you because its cheating,in the most fundamental sense.
He is having fantasy sex with someone else.
I don't allow it in my home.If he wants to masturbate ,he has to use his imagination.

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How is imagination sex any different than fantasy sex?

I have never watched porn and imagined myself with those people.

Sorry, love you Artsy, but I do disagree that it is cheating.

Why do you think there is something wrong with you. That you have a problem, or that your feelings are not valid, or you gained a few pounds. Maybe you are looking at this the wrong way.

The problem is he does the porn thing online. It's not like he's surfing for car parts, or reading news headlines. He's searching for porn for sexual stimulation, and he likes it, and sees nothing wrong with doing it.

If he were paying to view the porn, would that make your concerns feel a little more legitimate? While you are paying the bills and coming up short on the cable bill, he's spent money on porn?

Porn is fantacy. Women in real life do not look like that because they don't have a crew of hairdressers, makeup artists, personal trainers and directors. Like a disney movie that can turn you into a bubbling bowl of jellow over the Lion King, so too can porn serve a purpose to arouse a man.

Don't look at these women as competition or that you are somehow supposed to compare or measure up to them. Think of them as cartoon characters, scripted and positioned in a really predictable story line. Put hand here. Make this face. Go ooooh and ahhhhh.

Maybe looking at them a little more realistically might give you a better perspective of yourself.

You really need to talk to him about this. You said yourself that you two are best friends and if this is upsetting you so much you need to let him know.

If you were doing something that was upsetting to him wouldn't you rather know about it and deal with it openly and honestly? Rather than let it sit and fester within?

It would be good to work out a solution together :)

Really isn't a "Solution" he needs to work on. If she gets like this over porn... then he won't be able to go to the beach or the Swimming pool because there are women, some very attractive running around in teeny bikinis... then forget Baywatch or any number of TV shows... Chearleeders at the ball games, THe Victorias secret catalogs, the mall, the Grocery store, etc...

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Really isn't a "Solution" he needs to work on. If she gets like this over porn...then he won't be able to go to the beach or the Swimming pool because there are women, some very attractive running around in teeny bikinis....then forget Baywatch or any number of TV shows....Chearleeders at the ball games, THe Victorias secret catalogs, the mall, the Grocery store, etc...

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I didn't saw that I didn't accept it.
I understand why he watches it. That's not the issue.

Try reading what I wrote. It will disprove everything you just said.