My boyfriend prefers first oral sex, but then he stops me and wants finish himself off himself mostly with me sticking my tongue out and him coming in my mouth. We're only 5 weeks into the relationship, but he has little interest in having sex, but totally loves this, which I find just gets weird to me to want do the same thing over and over and not at least mix it up. I feel like jacking off is something guys can do when they don't have a woman lying there ready and willing to do it or to even let me try harder to do a better blow job so that I'm the one giving the orgasm and not him all the time? I mean when he does me, he does it all, not like I stop him and go oh let me rub myself now, you know? I have tried talking to him and he says either he has to "really be in the mood for sex" or that he has issues with the intimacy of it. So I don't know, our relationship is new so should I just drop it for now and keep letting him do what he enjoys? He kind of has fetishes and ******* in my mouth is one, but he also kind of wishes I would find him jerking off in panties exciting for me, but like againm, I feel like this is something he could do all he wants on the days we're not together. I rather feel like when we are together we're doing something together and that I'm playing more of a lead role in giving him his orgasm, any feedback appreciated. Thanks.

It sounds like he is being selfish, or he has watched too much porn and thinks real life is like that.

Just refuse, assuming you both are old enough to be having sex, just require other activities or just say no.

Honestly... this is TOTALLY WEIRD. I would dump him

I would think he's more into himself than he is into you... seriously reconsider if this is really the right guy for you.

Nothing wrong with anything as long as you BOTH are into it... but you are right. The average guy likes to mix it up to keep anything from becoming repetitive and boring.

I think he has given you a good insight into how he views the relationship and you when he says he has issues with the 'intimacy' of intercourse. I think that issue goes into all of his sexual interactions. Does he show affection or intimacy in ways that aren't sexually related?

His actions show that he is mentally/emotionally, if not physically, distancing himself from you. In other words, you are an object instead of a partner.

I think you need to decide if his needs are too different from your own. If you think you can adjust to his needs as long as he tries to adjust to yours, sit down and talk with him about needing some compromise and how you feel. If he isn't willing to work with you and find a compromise or if you think his needs are too different, then walk away now.

When it comes to sex, nothing is "normal". If you both are into something, then it's great. But obviously this isn't for you.
The question you have to ask yourself is if you are happy with that being your sex life. It may come to a point soon where you miss the intimacy.
5 weeks isn't a very long time. Maybe he isn't ready for sex yet??

That is just selfish. You have told him how you feel about this. If he is not in to intimacy, he needs to be with someone who is also not into intimacy.
I would not deal with a man who only wanted to do that. He would be gone.

Um, fionalaird... that very much IS sex... except maybe to Bill Clinton... but to the rest of the world it is.

She however wants something a lot more "conventional" in nature.

Smoothy, forgive me. I obviously wasn't clear in my post. What I meant was will she be happy with her lot if that is the extent of their sex life. Maybe he has a problem with "conventional" sex

No problem fionalaird... I only mentioned that because we actually had people argue that point in the past. LONG before you ever joined.

And I am speaking as a guy from a guys perspective when I say he's got some issues of some type. I only see one specific part of what she said he does as not being a issue. And that's the as she put it... the "...... in her mouth" part.

I mention that because #1... no birth control method is 100% effective other than not doing it at all. Though using condoms AND the Pill reduce those numbers pretty low, and the inevitable cleanup.
I don't however think that's what he is thinking about based on the other parts she mentioned. I'm only mentioning it as a possible explanation.

The rest are very much fetishes of his... and really are acceptable only if both parties are in agreement BEFORE the fact. Otherwise there is going to be issues. Persoanly I don't understand them... but then I don't understand the entire S&M, and Bondage thing either. Not knocking any of those as long as both parties are into something, its just not my thing.

There are three expanations...
1. He Watches Porn
2. He get's his ideas of reality from porn
3. Both 1+2

Porn destorys lives and gives completely unrealistic expectations of sex.

Your b/f is living proof

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lthobbes

there are three expanations...
1. He Watches Porn
2. He get's his ideas of reality from porn
3. Both 1+2

Porn destorys lives and gives completely unrealistic expectations of sex.

Your b/f is living proof

---

Porn only destroys what people allow it to destroy. It is a tool like a spoon or a knife.

It can give unrealistic expectations of sex, but then anything taken to extremes can do the same thing. How many women think 'some day their prince will come' or being treated like a sack of manure will end in a 'happily ever after' marriage thanks to romance novels and movies?

In this case, porn doesn't seem to be the issue. She mentions that he has a fetish about this action and talks about another desire he has. This seems to be a part of a larger fetish. Porn and erotica have very little to do with those.

Regardless of what his fetish is if you are not liking it, why put up with it? It's your body. This is a new relationship and the sex seems to be all about him.
Take control and tell him no or leave the relationship.

This is from January.

Let's focus on more recent questions