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I have never known what one is until recently, when a married man convinced me to begin a relationship with him. I have spoken with his wife which he does not know, and she is worried his behavior could be dangerous when she removes their son from the home. I have no idea who to trust with this information and am concerned for my safety. He will not leave me alone!
How do I separate myself from him without antagonizing him?
How did he convince you to enter into this affair? Why couldn't you say no from the very beginning? Describe his behavior, as you say "he will not leave me alone".
Please read the following on leaving a relationship with someone who is a sociopath. Maybe that will help you and share this with the man's wife. She may need it too.
Characteristics of Psychopath (Sociopath, Anti-social Personality Disorder)
How do you know if someone is a sociopath
Lovefraud.com Helps People Recognize and Avoid Sociopaths
Escape the abuse of a sociopath
Sociopaths and children
WOW. I have seen documenteries on these type of relationships and the one thing many women refused to do was to relocate and stop ALL means of contact.
They try to stay in the same house, in the same state, and work at the same job. They try to file for divorce, child support, and bank transactions that only give the guy knowledge of how to find them.
So, consider this before things get out of hand and the guy become violent. Police investigations and restraining orders are helpful, but they only work for those who take heed with the law.
Good morning, thanks for your response! The whole situation does seem quite surreal, but I think we (his wife and I) have it under contrtol. The saddest part is that she's spent 15 years with this bozo and couldn't take the steps to get out until I found out how to contact her and got through. She called last night to tell me she's in legal proceedings to gain full custody of her son and has filed for divorce. In some twisted way my affair with her husband (and the related pics and email I sent her) are helping her to get her life back and for that I'm grateful. She's a great woman and deserves to be happy, as do we all.
That said, the reason the SP is so determined to keep me around is because he's aware I don't desire him anymore and am not buying into his show. I've never seen anybody work so hard to get something he has no right to have, for the pure satisfaction of winning - it's truly sickening.
As to shygrneyz' question about how he sucked me in: that seems to be the nature of the SP, or the genious, to be able to do that. SP lied so convincingly that it was easy to believe that his marriage was a 'business relationship' only, and that there was no love between them. He was going to leave her and blah blah blah. All the nonsense any pathological liar tells women in order to get what he wants. AND I BOUGHT IT. When I spoke to his wife and told her everything, her response was that she didn't blame me - so many other women had fallen for this same BS, including her, because she's closer to him than anyone. Well not anymore, she's getting out and I'm going to help her!
I make no apologies for this guy cheating on his wife, but...Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerSullivan
Why would you contact his wife with pictures? If the guy truly is sociopathic, aren't you just causing turmoil and drama, and putting the wife in danger?
And if they guy is not sociopathic - just a womanizer or someone making a life mistake - aren't you purposefully being a home-wrecker?
I get a funny impression about what exactly has transpired between last night and this morning. I'm sure the difference is in the details, but I don't know what those are..
I think it is great how you have helped this wife by letting her know all the details, but I'm not convinced that you are completely through with this guy. I've been in the same situation, I mean the details are identical, and the other woman like you tried to "help" me to leave my guy whom she affaired with, and as soon as I took our children and left-she went right back to him.
The only lie that should have had any chance of working was "I'm not married". No amount of lies about the state of his relationship with his wife should have made the SLIGHTEST difference. But you know that now. Take the lesson to heart and don't EVER fall into the same trap again. Unless and until the divorce is final, he's not an option. Simple.Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerSullivan
Hello Philly, Depressed and OG, thanks for your support and also the good advice. In order of response, let me address your comments.
Philly: She did ask for the pics and email when we spoke. Because she's away on deployment she has no idea what truth versus fiction is from this man, and wanted some evidence to support her position legally and to disprove his lies. She is such a nice woman, she'll believe anything he tells her. I want to help her get out, and have agreed to do whatever she asks. As an officer in our military, she's very well protected and has access to a lot of valuable resources. She advised me of his mental state the other night and that's what I'm going on. Drama, oh yes. Do I owe her, you bet your a$$.
Depressed: It's pretty amazing what women can do when they throw out the BS and stand by each other. I hate the fact that I bought into this, but will do whatever she asks me to do until a resolution is reached. After that, I'm OUT. I understand the risk of getting caught up - that's exactly how I got where I am - so that's why I'm on this site. To be reminded not to be an idiot and get out as soon as possible. Prior to that happening, I owe this woman what she's asking.
Ordinary Guy: Thank you for your understanding, I really appreciate it. You're right about everything and this lesson will not be forgotten, ever. So many women get caught up in lies like these, and can't get out. I'm grateful to get the chance to do the right thing in spite of how I became involved - thanks for helping to keep me grounded!
Hi
I am married to a sociopath and am getting divorced. I am very afraid of him and know that he is capable of anything. He is a master manipulator.
We have 3 beautiful children and he told me that I would never get the children if I left. Well, here I am and he has the children. He told Dyfuss a bunch of lies about me and last week he kicked the bathroom door in which was locked and I got a restraining order against him.
1 Hour later Dyfuss is at my door telling me that I can't be alone with my children. They are accusing me of munchaesn. It's so ridiculous. This man has so much power and even though I have gotten the courage to get away from his mental/emotional abuse he continues to abuse me. It turns out he went to court house and got my restraining order overturned and one against me.
I cannot see or talk to my k ids.
Please hear my voice. I am a good mother. I would never harm anyone especially my children. They mean the world to me.
I am being set up, wronfully accused, and continue to be victimized by my abuse (husband)
I don't know what to do! I feel he is going to continue harassing me the rest of my life even after we are divocrced.
Butmy main concern is the children. He doesn't want them, he thinks of them as a possession and winning. Because he knows how much they mean to me. He wants to take them away to hurt me. He doesn't realize the damage he is doing to those children mentally.
NJ, How can things like this happen?
You need to be proactive - get a plan together to get your kids back. Once that is accomplished - you get as far away from this man as possible. Start saving money - scout out locations to move to, etc. Refuse to be a victim. You need to contact an attorney - start fighting this - do not roll over out of fear.
Well, good news. I got my kids back 4 days but I have to have 2 supervisors living with me at all times. My mother and aunt have given up their lives for me so I can be with my kids.
It's so pathetic but whatever works. I am scheduled to go for an evaluation in May with a Dyfuss specialist. They have no evidence it's just on heresay.
I don't want to sit back in fear anymore. I would like to take my story public but my attorney advises me not to at least just not yet. When you are dealing with dyfuss you have to do what they say, this is what she tells me. It's so frustrating!
I don't believe that I will ever be able to get away from him since our children are so young. Unless, which I am filing for, I get full custody and he gets some visitation.
I also believe that he is doing things to my little girls and I had a case open in Sept but Dyfuss closed it. They didn't even do a proper evaluation. I have kids at cvhild pysch and my husband is freaking out over this. He is threatening to send a court order for her to stop treating children.
Well, thanks for listening. It's nice to know people are hearing my voice somehow, somewhere.
Ouch, that's messy. Maybe a restraining order? Maybe go to a local domestic violence counseling center to help you with tools how to deal with him if he approaches you.Quote:
Originally Posted by SummerSullivan
I started going for counseling at one of these places when I first realized my husband was a sociopath. They helped me but I went back. They told me of the "honeymoon" period. That lasted one week. Now he finally filed for divorce but I feel a "honeymoon" period is brewing.
My 3 1/2 yr old daughter told me the other night that daddy forgives me and misses and loves me. HELP!
I would strongly suggest talking to your local police dept. to let them know of situation and go to a DV center for women
njprincess
I know exactly how this happened. I'm untangeling myseslf from a shockingly similar situation. My ex told me if I ever left he would get the kids and I would be lucky if I saw them every other weekend. He also promised that he would take the house and leave me living on the street applying for welfare. Thing didn't exactly go his way BUT he has wrecked havic on my children's lives and on mine. He can be whatever someone needs him to be in order to get them to see things the way he wants. It was only after HIS councelor told me to ignore what he was saying and listen to his actions that I started to catch on.
So having been there and done that I will tell you a few things that helped me and that you might think about trying.
1. You are in for HELL... this is NOT your fault... call all the people you care about (friends and relatives) and let them know what you are going through and ask for their emotional support. If you somehow got cut off (this is so commen) find a support group. Churches offer them in almost every city. You cannot do this on your own. Having someone with you in court and for these crazy appointments helps.
2. Call the prosicuters office and get a name of the MOST respected theripists (there will probably be about 3) who do behavior/personality profile testing in your area. These people are VERY respected by the courts and their name will be recognized as "The authority" Get in to one of their offices ASAP and explain your situation and ask for them to do whatever evaluation they think you need to address the courts concern. They should have something like MA ABS after their name. The information is yours to keep private or share with the courts at your discression.
3. Request that your children be put immidiatly into counceling. If your out of the picture for awhile that may be all the support they get. Also a councelor doccumenting what is going on is the only leverage that you may have unless he is stupid enouth to admit that he did something or its caught on tape. After my son was assaulted by his father the cop told me this(admition/caught on tape) almost NEVER happens. And your hubby sounds so much like mine I can almost guarantee that it won't. Later on if you can get contact try to be the one taking them to Dr offices, Counceling app and email teachers weekly to check on them, volenteer in their classses. Email don't call this can be submitted to court.
4. Right now your probably in shock but if you aren't working full time but have an education get start looking for work and if your lacking education Go tomorrow and apply for financial aid at your community college. Explain the situation. My ex made major money but because I didn't have access to any of it I qualified for financial aid and I'm halfway to getting my nursing degree. Ask a friend to go with you for support. When your kids aren't safe even the most mundane things can feel tramitizing. (BTW you would be surprised how fast that this type of guy will use no place of your own to live/unemployed/uneducated to try to further demorilize or discredit you. But if your already working on it he's out of luck.)
5. Call domestic violence services and find out if there is anything they can help you with . Especcially leagal representation. They also usuually have a shelter while you get on your feet.
Good Luck! Your going through the worst of it and its going to be hard but you will make it through to the other side! Hope this helps.
Good call getting them into counceling... have you tried to get ahold of the DV people and beg them for Legal representation to file with the courts to put them in counceling. Beet him to it and document crying fits or clingyness for support. Also request in writing/email to your husband that the two of you go to mediation over the counceling issue. It will look good on your part and if he refuses it will help discret him on this issue with the courts. My husband had difficulty manipulating the mediator. Might not work so well if you're a people pleaser and have a hard time saying no. Try to do everything in writing.
How can you leave? This advice helped me when I was trying to leave my sociopath.
Be boring. Stop telling him personal things. Never tell him what you don't like about him unless you want to work it out. Don't respond when he insults or flatters you. Don't talk about your plans or anything your pasionate about. Do discuss the weather or something uninteresting that you saw in the news that neither of you care about. But only if you must because your cornered... don't innitate it. Don't insult or flatter him in any way and be busy when he wants to do things. If he tells you great new or something sad or terrible say the right thing but act bored. For example. That's great with a distracted half uninterested smile then check your phone for messages. If he stops by let him know you don't feel comfortable around him and if he wants to talk you would rather meet him somewhere.
Going to a lawyer today, he doesn't know and still live together. No children. His ex-girlfriend from 20 years ago started contact with him and it's been an obsession for him and her for over a year. I left and he promised no more contact with Linda, of course that was a lie. I am very fearful of him and he is both verbally, emotionally and physically abusive. Just don't know what to do. Really hopeful the Lawyer has some experience with sociopath's and can guide me. Please pray for me.
Stop ALL communication ! That is the only way that I have learned to deal with a person who has been manipulating me, causing huge emotional and financial harm to my family and still on going legally. Dating this man was marvelous and made my head spin, since he gave me huge amounts of attention that seemed to have stopped me from listening to my gut instinct. I was over stimulated & made grievous errors in trusting his motives. Now that he's exposed by truth coming forward, he set out to destroy all I love. Slowly I'm gaining self-worth back into my life. YEAH !
[QUOTE=njprincess;348304]Hi
I am married to a sociopath and am getting divorced. I am very afraid of him and know that he is capable of anything. He is a master manipulator.
We have 3 beautiful children and he told me that I would
Never get the children if I left. Well, here I am and he has the children. He told Dyfuss a bunch of lies about me and last week he kicked the bathroom door in which was locked and I got a restraining order against him.
1 Hour later Dyfuss is at my door telling me that I can't be alone with my children. They are accusing me of munchaesn. It's so ridiculous. This man has so much power and even though I have gotten the courage to get away from his mental/emotional abuse he continues to abuse me. It turns out he went to court house and got my restraining order overturned and one against me.
I cannot see or talk to my k ids.
Please hear my voice. I am a good mother. I would never harm anyone especially my children. They mean the world to me.
I am being set up, wronfully accused, and continue to be victimized by my abuse (husband)
I don't know what to do! I feel he is going to continue harassing me the rest of my life even after we are divocrced.
Butmy main concern is the children. He doesn't want them, he thinks of them as a possession and winning. Because he knows how much they mean to me. He wants to take them away to hurt me. He doesn't realize the damage he is doing to those children mentally.
I am currently in the process of leaving a sociopath, and I feel sorry for you and your situation. However, no amount of charming or convincing or blackmail or manipulation would make me begin an affair with a married man. You need to have a look at yourself and your motives and agendas , you of course are not the victim here , his wife and child are. People that have affairs with married people tend not to have guilt or remorse and no moral compass , do you see where I am going here ? After you have made yourself safe , and you need to run a mile and hide and do whatever it takes to protect yourself, you need to find out if YOU are ALSO a sociopath or a narcissist, marriage wreckers are outside the social norm, even though you claim that you believed the "business" only , well yeah , business only for him and his wife maybe some people can believe that , you obviously did , but it was NEVER a business only relationship with his child. You did not think too much about the child did you ? You are not the same as most of us lady, you have major issues too. Good luck to you and be safe, and if you continue relationships with married men I hope you find the sociopath that you deserve.
And also you cannot have a situation with a sociopath under control. They have no limits to the crazy unreasonable destructive behaviour they employ. They have no little voice inside their head telling them to stop. They are like robots and do not have many emotions. LIFE is a game to them and they MUST win, they will do ANYTHING to win. If you think you have a situation with a sociopath under control you obviously do not really understand what a sociopath is... ALL serial killers are sociopaths and all sociopaths are POTENTIAL serial killers. Still think you have the situation under control ? RUN... and don't look back.
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