Ask Me Help Desk - Why won't he give me back my stuff?

Why won't he give me back my stuff?

My ex broke up with me 11 days ago. That day I told him he has my mom's DVD and few insignificant things. I asked him if he could drop it off at my desk the next morning at work. He agreed and said that I had his oil pan. The next day I got to work and the DVD was not waiting for me. I thought maybe he forgot. I had no contact with him for a week. Still no DVD. I thought maybe he didn't want confrontation, but there were many days and many ways he could have given it to me without seeing me. I saw him briefly after work 7 days after the break up because I wanted to give him a letter. He was nice to me, and he mentioned the fact that his friend keeps trying to get him a job 2 hours away. (The same job he said he wouldn't take because of me.) I told him to go for it and was all nice. He gave me a crappy excuse why he wouldn't take it, then he got his keys out and acted like he was getting ready to leave. He never mentioned my stuff. And I was told by a few people to let him talk to me about the stuff. That I shouldn't be asking him.

I'm just really confused...

Why isn't he giving it back? And no, I don't believe he forgot. And if he doesn't want confrontation he could drop it off without seeing me...

What's up?

Duh, he wants to see you.. lol. He knows you want your so called insignificant things. But if that is the case them let him keep him and forget about it.

But I thought that associating keeping belongings with love was a "girl" thing?? That's why I'm confused. I didn't think guys held on to stuff because of wanting to see someone. I figured it would be the opposite.

The stuff doesn't really mean much to me... except my mom's dvd.

Is the DVD difficult to find anywhere else?

Or he is really mad and would rather burn in hell than give you a penny back, that get out the door and don't let it hit you on the way out??

Often after sleeping on it, what appears to be a OK break up will turn nasty. Actually I would have been more surprised had it gave it too you without a lot of yelling, or calling the police. ( more common in the break ups of people I know

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

Is the DVD difficult to find anywhere else?

Probably not. But that really isn't the point. I shouldn't have to go buy a dvd. Like I said, he doesn't have to see me. He can stick it on my desk without me being there. I simply wanted to know why he isn't giving it to me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

Or he is really mad and would rather burn in hell than give you a penny back, that get out the door and don't let it hit you on the way out???

Often after sleeping on it, what appears to be a ok break up will turn nasty. Actually I would have been more surprised had it gave it too you without alot of yelling, or calling the police. ( more commom in the break ups of people I know

HA!! I gave that b*stard the easiest break up! He said he loved me but couldn't handle a relationship, which I suspect was due to his own issues and insecurities. I have maintained no contact since the day he broke up. With the exception of giving him a letter. And when I did see him, I did not ask for him back and I won't beg for him back. Truth is, he should have NO ANGER towards me because I was the best person I could be towards him and never did anything wrong. I have been very proud of myself for the way I've treated him. This is all on him and I have come to accept that. So I don't think anger is his issue.

My advice would be to let go of the dvd and forget about making a point. If it is over then wouldn't it be pointless to make a point out of something that no longer is relevant? I think there is a little anger between the both of you. He's angry at the fact that you aren't acting pitiful and you're angry because he's can't handle a relationship. It's evident. Be the bigger person and let go of the issue. One of you has to act with rationality. It should be you, I think.

The stuff is insignificant and the DVD is replaceable so forget about it. I don't know what you mean about leaving it on your desk but if it involves going to your work place... I wouldn't go either.

Quote:

Originally Posted by stonewilder

The stuff is insignificant and the DVD is replaceable so forget about it. I don't know what you mean about leaving it on your desk but if it involves going to your work place....I wouldn't go either.

We work in different departments at the same building. He comes in earlier than I do. So that is why I didn't know what the hard part about giving it back was.

Insignificant things are just things. It sounds more of a way for you now to be in control. DVD players are cheap now. Take the higher ground and let it go.

Quote:

Originally Posted by enigmagnetic

My advice would be to let go of the dvd and forget about making a point. If it is over then wouldn't it be pointless to make a point out of something that no longer is relevant? I think there is a little anger between the both of you. He's angry at the fact that you aren't acting pitiful and you're angry because he's can't handle a relationship. It's evident. Be the bigger person and let go of the issue. One of you has to act with rationality. It should be you, I think.

Well, luckily, as far as he's concerned, he does think I let go of it. Because I haven't bugged him about it. He isn't aware it's a concern unless he reads this thread, which I doubt he will. So I guess I have been the bigger person. I just hate how men have the tendency to do this. This is not the first time I've come across this. My previous ex kept all my family photos, home movies, and my computer.

**So to any of you men reading this... though a dvd or whatever you have of your ex's might be insignificant... don't be a d*ck and give it back. Because it's not yours and it's not right. Flat out. Get over what issues you have about confrontation and just end things the right way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Insignificant things are just things. It sounds more of a way for you now to be in control. DVD players are cheap now. Take the higher ground and let it go.

HAHA... control, that's funny. If I wanted control, I would just let him have it. That way I could bother him and have a reason to talk to him. And I don't talk to him.

You are missing the point here. When people break up something's become a focus point when they cannot let go. "Things" often become an issue because of the loss in the relationship and no where to vent it. I agree that he should give back your things to you but apparently he is not. That is why I said to let it go. I mean really let yourself get over this and leave it in yesterday. Don't do the slow burn on this. It gets you nowhere.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

You are missing the point here. When people break up somethings become a focus point when they cannot let go. "Things" often become an issue because of the loss in the relationship and no where to vent it. I agree that he should give back your things to you but apparently he is not. That is why I said to let it go. I mean really let yourself get over this and leave it in yesterday. Don't do the slow burn on this. It gets you nowhere.

Oh no, I totally get your point about how objects can be a focal point when people can't let go. I totally get you there. My question isn't "how do I get stuff back." My question is about his motive... "WHY he can't give it back?" I didn't know if this is HIS sick way of holding on. So he has an excuse later to talk to ME later. I'm not the one trying to do any holding on. I guess I was hoping for some insight into the male mind. When I guess this just proves that some men are just inconsiderate and there is no motive.

Thanks guys for all your help!

Take him to small claims court. He will either have to pony up the items or replace them. Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shygrneyzs

Take him to small claims court. He will either have to pony up the items or replace them. Good luck.

My last boyfriend before this one kept a couple hundred dollars worth of my stuff. I guess when you go to court you can only ask for the money. And it needs to be a certain amount. Since they wouldn't let me do that, I got a lawyer who tried to handle it for me. And all he did was have a sheriff deliver a letter to his work since we didn't know where he lived (which got him fired) and eventually he only gave me my computer back, but he ripped out the hard drives. So yeah, pretty much if a person takes your stuff and it's less than $500, they pretty much can keep it. So sad.

Anyway, thanks for your help!

Well, my sister was getting p*ssed that I wasn't trying to get my mom's DVD back. So I called him Saturday and asked him to put it on my desk Monday morning. It was actually waiting for me! Asking doesn't hurt after all. Thank you very much.