Worried Sick about custody/visitation of my son
I have a 2 year old son. His father and I also went through a very tumultuous relationship involving physical and emotional abuse. We haven't been "together" for almost 5 years, but were off and on (and that is how we ended up with our son). Anyway, I knew/suspected that he was engaged in illegal activity (selling drugs) when I was with him, and I don't know why I just turned a blind eye, other than that I rationalized that as long as I wasn't involved and didn't know anything I was safe.. He abused me physically on many occasions including a rape, and yet I never did anything about it! (I wish someone could tell me why and what was wrong with my head!) Anyway, he was also a cheater, but he seemed to never go away and when he would come back to me I was weak and thought that I wanted to be a family... He would spend time with me and our son a lot, all the while telling me there was no one else.. bla bla - I can't tell you how many times I believed him, only to find out he had some girl living at his house, or out with this girl or that. It never seemed to sink in.
The point of this email is that in November of this year, he was arrested and detained by us marshalls for possession of 2 lbs of meth. When he was first arrested, he called me to get his car titles and house information to a bondsman. Like an idiot, I did. The second time he was arrested, I did not help him and everyone thought there was no way he would be getting out. Well, guess what? Turns out he had a girlfriend the whole time to help him get out again! He was still in jail when I found out about the new girlfriend, and I think it all just sank in, the reality of what he is - a drug dealer and a liar.
Well, after realizing that he wanted to resume visiting my son, like nothing had ever happened, I went and got a temporary court order for supervised visitation. He is now pressing to get that lifted saying that I knew all about how serious his charges were, and that I am in need of, or on medication for Bipolar Disorder - a flat out lie! I have never been treated or diagnosed for anything other than depression. I went to counseling for a while, and all the counselor told me is that what I was experiencing was effects of the abuse I was experiencing from him. She went so far as to say she suspected him to be a narcissist, perhaps pathological.
Do you think I will be able to keep my supervised visits? I just need to hang on to them until he gets shipped off to prison which I think is almost a guarantee since he has served prison time before for the same thing. The newspaper said he was looking at 16-48 years.
All of this has me feeling worried and analyzing every single thing I have ever done that can be used to discredit me. I am not a criminal in any way. I haven't used drugs since I was in my early twenties, and I am a full time college student working 35 hours a week and caring for my son. The only thing that I know he will use against me is times I acted irrationally when involved with him. I do have documented cases of domestic abuse that he was arrested for = but again, like an idiot I never pressed the charges and he was able to get away with it. I can't explain why I let him treat me the way he did with no consequence, but for my safety and for my son's I need him to be out of our life.
Ever since the court order has been in place, it has been so peaceful and even my son's behavior has improved. (He used to be so defiant when he came home from dad's house).
I am sorry this is so long, and this is just the tip of what I am going through. I am so worried that this will all backfire on me and that he will make me look like some crazy woman. I am ashamed that I waited so long to do what is right for my son.
Thanks for reading this, I hope to hear from you.