I have a daughter "23" and my grandson "6" that will not leave home. She lives with me rent free and refuses to help me with keeping the house clean and stop being so disrespectfull. I am at my wits end, I love her and want her to only grow up and be adult enough to pick up after herself and my grandson so that I don't have to come home in tears all the time. It has gotten to the point that it is causing such emotional stress to me that I am turning to you the public for some sort of guidance. I don't want her to leave unless she can take care of my grandson, but at the same time, I can no longer deal with her taking to me the way she does and basically refusing to help. Does anyone have any idea what I might could do. I would have made her leave a long time ago had it not been for my grandson.

I wonder how she got to the age of 23 without understand she is part of the world around her and has to pitch in as a member of the tribe. And she is apparently using her son as a hedge against getting kicked out, knowing you won't throw him out, so she is able to stay too.

Will she go with you to a counselor, such as a social worker who does counseling, a therapist of some kind, a minister or priest -- just a few visits to an unbiased party ("referee"?? ) who will help you two make a plan and set a few goals, and then expect a report back to show accountability? I'm sure there are free or low-cost services available near you, if money is a consideration.

Are you the only one bringing in money? If so, does she have skills and could she get a job, even just part-time? (Another topic to bring up with a counselor... ) Would she be able to adequately care for her son if she left your house? If not, why not?

Do you actually want her to leave or just start pitching in more?

Sit her down and tell her you will NOT stand by and continue letting her act like a teenager with no real responsibilities around the house. Give her until x date before she has to improve or leave. Either assign her chores with rent and/or assign her certain bills that need to be paid (cable, phone, etc.) If she does not, sit down and ask her to look at apartment listings with you to get the point across. Above all, stick to your word and start moving her things into boxes if she continues to disrespect you. Remember, no one is doing your grandson any favors by letting him think this is acceptable behavior. He also can't be used as a ploy to extend her stay... he's 6, so he has a good understanding of what's going on and how she's using him.

If you really want her out, the police can be called to escort her off your premises.

It would help to know where you are. There is a similar thread active from someone in Florida which links to this article:
Tampabay: Law slanted in favor of unwelcome guests

Since you want her to shape up or ship out, you might print the article and show it to her. Tell her you don't want to take such drastic action, but you can't go on like you have been.

Did you ever hear of tough love?

Hello.

I know you want to protect your grandchild and the problem is your daughter knows it also. That's why your daughter knows she can treat you bad and get away with it. Turn the tables on her and serve her an eviction notice. A real one that says what she has done wrong and then make her think your going to follow through with it. If she cops an attitude about your grandchild being on the streets, tell her not a problem I will be happy to take care of my grandchild.

Good Luck
Dennis777