I have a 12yr old boy that is controlling, bossy and whiny at times. I geuss he is somewhat spoiled but he manages to do great in school and never gets into trouble. To me, he is just a typical boy. My mother goes places with my family, weekends away, vacations etc... but it never fails, she always gets involved with how I dicipline my son, trying to tell me what to do especially in front of him which makes him very angry. He then disrespects her to the point where he will tell her to shut up or quit talking about me! This last weekend away, she kept telling him he was crazy and he said, your fat! She blew up calling him a a--hole and bastard. When I stepped in she started calling me names as well, trying to belittle me by saying I have no friends, etc... I'm a f---ing B---h. I didn't argue back I only told her she needed help. She ended up packing up at 10pm and driving 2 1/2 hrs home. She is very insecure, obnoxious, interuptive in conversations and thinks people are out to get her. She seems to be intimidated around me. This is about the 4th time this has happened where she flys off with her mouth saying very hurtful things and cursing to him or myself. I've told her she desperately needs to see a therapist. My question is, should I continue talking to her? I just can't seem to forgive her this time. I haven't even received an apology, although she did apologize to my husband. It doesn't make sense.
Any input appreciated!

Thank you lucky stars she packed up and went home. I guess no other method would have gotten her there post haste.

You know you will have to make amends some time or other, there is nothing you can say or do to rectify the situation. Just kiss and make up and limit her visits.

I agree with Tickle - limit her visits and how much time you allow her in your home. She will soon get the hint to keep her mouth shut. If she cannot, then she can stay home. Neither you nor your son need her intervention, her meddling, her advice, her mouth. It is tough to say but you have your family to care for and her getting in the middle is not healthy for anyone. If she does not apologize, then you just be the bigger person and tell her you forgive her. If you do not want to call her and say that, write that down in a letter and send it. You can also tell her just how her behavior and words make you feel. That when she acts like that, she is unwelcome and will need to make her own arrangements for a place to stay. Seriously.

If she does come again, make sure she stays at a hotel. You need that space from her.
Good luck.

I say cut her off completely. It keeps happening to the point where she is cursing at your son and you. You stood up to her to a point, but you need to set the guidelines. The visits are disruptive to you and your son. Of course, your son is going to stick up for you because you're his mom. Can not blame him for doing that. You should not put your son in that situation. Meaning you and your son are better off without anymore contact. This is my OPINION. Believe me I know personally how disruptive parents or in laws can be and the best way to deal with it and not have to put your son in the middle is to have no more contact until she gets some sort of help or decides to actually change her abusive ways.

You do not need this.

Your son defiantly does not need that.

Lets just say if it was me and I new my mother was crazy and abusive and needed help and all she did was cause problems my son would not even know her. I would not even give her a chanch to get her abusive ways on him.

I hope you know whatever you decide to do and whatever way you handle this is your own choice.

I personally would say enough is enough and until things change no more contact. My son, nor myself do not deserve this abuse and we do not want you around if this is going to continue to happen.

Joe

Thanks to the both of you! I feel better and I will limit and shorten the visits, great idea, just needed to hear it from someone else. I love this website :-) lol

Thanks Joe,
I've been feeling the same way... I wonder if I should end the relationship until she gets help or just accept her the way she is since she is my mother and not getting any younger. But your right, what good is time together when its negative? I will not let her back around my son. I think I'll sit back for a couple weeks and see what happens.
Thanks again

I stayed in the relationship way too long with my alcoholic psychopathic mother. I'm fairly sure I had Stockholm Syndrome until very recently when I couldn't take the lies, thefts, manipulation and divisineness any more. Now that my children are grown she is trying to oust me from the family, create wedges between all of us and basically bribing them. My oldest son is graduating college and she has said that since she doesn't feel welcomed by me, she won't attend the ceremonies or be able to give him the gift he "deserves." My other son started to yell at me and my teen daughter claiming that she didn't send a thank you card for some old jackets the old bat sent my daughter that didn't fit on any level and accusing me of "dragging" my daughter into our dramas. The worst part is the only reason I'm completely no-contact with my mother is that I'm so tired of all the drama and character assassinations.

What I meant to tell you before running away with my story is that you shouldn't wait until he's grown to cut off ties with someone as toxic as your mother.