I have had the problem of maintaining an erection since the day I lost my virginity (that was at age 20. I am 30 now). I have a hard time getting an erection, maintaining an erection, and even maintaining an erection during intercourse. I went to my doctor about it recently and he suggested me trying Viagra. So, he gave me some samples. I tried it, and well, it worked! I actually felt normal. So, here's the deal. I don't want to take Viagra for the rest of my life, and I don't want to pay $10/pill. My current girlfriend is getting frustrated with this problem of mine, and I HAVE been frustrated. She says she'd never leave me because of it, but I still want to do something about it. I was thinking that since Viagra works, it's maybe not a physical issue. I get the occasional overnight erection while sleeping. I'll even get one out of nowhere sometimes in general. One thing that has never really happened is me getting an erection from looking at a porn magazine, or anything like that. But if I think about a sexual act (such as a woman masterbating, or something to that effect), sometimes I get an erection (Sometimes this erection will last for 5 minutes, sometimes it goes immediately away in a matter of seconds after I realize I'm getting an erection). But when it comes to me having sex with my partner, once I get to the point of penetration, or even close to it, I either lose my erection, or I lose it during intercourse. Even mostly while we are being "intimate", kissing, etc, I get an erection, then out of nowhere, it just goes away, and at that point, I can't get it back unless there's stimulation involved (like her rubbing on my chest, or if she does oral... sorry if too graphic) I am going to go back to my doctor about it again, but I wanted some input from other people. I was thinking about sex therapy, or I even read about hypnotism (I don't believe in hypnotism, but thought I'd mention it here). Does anyone have any input/suggestions/advice.. Anything is much appreciated!

Have you been to a urologist about this problem? It could be urilogical in nature. Maybe an enlarged prostate, but this is something more than a general doctor can usually handle.

Try a urologist first to rule out medical, then maybe seek some counseling if all else fails.

Did you have a problem before you lost your virginity?

K-3,

I know when I was younger I had no problem. But after the age of 17, I honestly don't know if I had this problem before I lost my virginity. I dated a girl from the time I was 15 to 19, and we never had sex. However, when she would massage my shoulders, or whatever, she got in to the habit of rubbing my chest. I then realized that the excitement I got from that was sexual. (This next part is actually a little embarrassing for me to say... ) So, before I lost my virginity, of course I masterbated, a lot actually, and I would also stimulate my chest area, focusing on the nipples. I started doing that when I was about 17 I guess? To this day, when I masterbate, I HAVE to do that in order to keep an stiff erection while masterbating, otherwise it gets erect, then loses it, then gets erect, then loses it, etc. This is the same during intercourse. My girlfriend has to keep rubbing my chest in order for me to even keep my erection!

Sorry if that was too much info, but I figured I'd include that to help with any suggestions..

NO, that is not too much information. You have to say it all. I am certainly no counselor but it sounds like it could be an issue a good therapist could help you with. If you can get an erection and maintain it says something. As for a hypnotist, do not discount it. I have seen it work with certain people. I have always been the kind of person when people get to know me they seem to feel comfortable and I hear everything about them. A woman told me her husband could only have sex if she would put lots of makeup on and dress like a hooker. They were married for over 20 years and still together. Another couple had to have a fake fight and he was at his best. At least you have a clue as to when this started and why. It could come with being worried about your performance, or guilt about masterbating. Something clicks there for whatever reason. Once you get worried, it seems to escalate and it is on your mind so much you can not perform. I think a good sex therapist can help.

But the only way for me to maintain erection is if something on me is stimulated. When any stimulation stops, my erection immediately starts to go limp. I do remember when I was younger, if I had an erection, if I just stood there and didn't do anything, the erection was maintained for a little bit, then slowly started to go limp. Now, it goes limp MUCH more quick, and I don't know if that is normal or not?

I absolutely do want to see a sex therapist. I have been doing a lot of reading on this issue, and one thing I do during intercourse is wondering "am I going limp?", or "will I go limp?". Besides me looking at my girlfriend and enjoying her expressions and whatnot, I find myself not totally absorbed in the sex we are having. Unfortunately, I don't know how to make myself totally absorbed. It seems like I can't clear my mind of things around me, and I focus way too much on me having a hard enough erection. During foreplay, if I find that I have gone limp, or am going limp, I immediately get worried that I'm not going to get an erection back, and am worried that my girlfriend won't be happy about that. I basically totally lose the aroused, no care in the world, my girlfriend is the only thing that matters right now type mood I was in before, when I go limp during foreplay. BUT, at that point, I still have that urge that I want to have sex, like I WANT to get erect, but feel like I failed, and am aggrivated that I can't get errect, and I don't get erect again, even if anything on my body is stimulated.

Why do you not want to see someone? I think you are trying so hard you are failing. That certainly can hapapen. My husband had some problems with that at a certain age and I read a lot and had a friend that was a therapist and gave me some ideas and it took some experimenting on both of our parts. It worked. He did not want to talk to anyone, he was embarrassed, so I did it quietly and he did not know, I just started doing things. It bothered him so much he just got worse. I do know a man that learned to meditate so he could clear his mind and it worked for him. Do not think you are alone, you are not. Many men suffer from that at some time of their life. If not, Viagara would not be so popular.

I do want to see someone about it. If there is a way, I want to do whatever it takes. Meditation... hmmm, maybe until I can afford a sex therapist, I'll try meditation for now :). Thank you very much for your responses by the way.