[hopeflies]

Oh no... I have finally pushed him too far!!

He wrote me an email that his is NOT talking about it again... NOT getting into us... and the only way this is going to come to a conclusion is for one of us to finish it for good... that he is moving out... and he's not talking about it anymore.

I think I might have had a chance... but I totally ruined it by pleading with him to move home in a month and that I would do anything to show him that I support him.

What have I done??

I have just ruined any chance whatsoever that he had to write "the only was to come to a conclusion is to finish it for good"..

So that means that it wasn't over for good?? And I pushed him into that by casually talking to him when he talked to me... and by telling him how much I wanted to be with him etc.

This is the worst I have ever felt in my life... How do you get through this. I know everyone is going to say NC... but I don't see how I am ever going to get through this now. I had hope and things were fine. But then I let my emotions run and now I messed it all up!!

How do you stop hating yourself?

[amicon]

You need to hear and understand what he is telling you.

He is moving on and however painful that is you must accept it.

The best thing you can do now is to restart total 100% NC and stick to it.

Clinging on to false hope is not doing you any favours.
Begging and pleading is not doing you any favours either.

I know you are hurting but you must let this go and start healing.

[hopeflies]

I know I do - but I can't help beating myself up that if I could have just given him his space that maybe when he got of the plane in a month - he might have realized that he missed me and want to come home!

Now I am stuck in our apartment just waiting for the day when he comes to get his stuff. He said he will only come and get it when he knows I am not here - and is scared about coming back.

Why do they make up these horrible things about you in their head? Just two days ago he was messaging me - and now he wants nothing to do with me.

Now I am stuck here - while he is off thinking I am this horrible person (said I was too emotional and hysterical - and that is why he isn't coming home).

I just wish he could feel an ounce of how I am feeling.

How can NC heal all this? I will always hate myself for not giving him his space and just trying to keep my emotions in check!!

[amicon]

Whose on the lease?
Are you going to be staying in the flat?
If so,you could box all his stuff up and store it somewhere he can pick it up,or have a friend deliver it to him.

I can't tell you what's going on in his mind, I can,however advice you to start regaining your selfrespect and realise that we are all human and make mistakes.

So stop beating yourself up and start making plans for your own future.

Having no contact will help you as it stops all false hope and overanalyzing their words and thoughts.

[hopeflies]

We are both on the lease for another 6 months - but he said he will pay until the lease is up.

I am staying in the flat with our flatmate.

He told me I could do whatever I wanted to with his stuff - destroy it if I wanted. I told him that I was not vindictive - and would never do that. At one point in the conversation though I did get mad and said "Fine I will pack up all your and move it to where you will be staying!!!" That did not go over very well. Told him I would never talk to him again - which did not go over very well either. He said that he didn't say he never wanted to talk to me - that was up to me! HEAD GAMES!

I am thinking I might pack it up and put it in the storage unit - so when he does come to get it - he will realize that I got it through my head.

I am so upset and hurt and mad right now. Why would he be talking to me and even told me that last week he was thinking of staying cause it would be easier. Then I messed it up by trying to plead with him that I would do everything to support him this year. BUt not realizing that by having these conversations I was doing the exact opposite!

[amicon]

Store it away-out of sight-or ship it to him.

And stop trying to secondguess his thoughts it is pointless as nobody except him,knows what he is thinking.

[hopeflies]

How do you forgive yourself for going to the lowest depths and begging and pleading?

How am I ever going to forgive myself? I KNEW that this behaviour would push him away and I still did it.

[I wish]

If you're doing NC, then do it properly.

Block him from email, so that he can't email you. Block him from IM, so that he can't IM you. Don't pick up his calls, change numbers if you have to.

As for his things, box them up and ask a friend to hide them for you (i.e. even if it has to be in a different house) so that you don't get tempted to look at his things.

Pretend as if he doesn't exist. Otherwise, you're just going to prolong the pain and suffering, as you are doing now.

Every time you break the NC rules, you reset the progress that you've made.
You need to take this one day at the time. You can't expect to recover so quickly. Furthermore, since you've been in contact with him so recently, you haven't really recovered much.

I strongly suggest that you re-read the links in my signature concening NC.

[talaniman]

You didn't push him away at all, he was already gone. The only mistake you made was breaking NC, because of false hope.

Now you can take all the blame, and beat yourself up all you want, it will not help you see the reality of your situation.

This has been winding down for quite sometime, and you both could not completely let go. He has an advantage as for sure he was planning this long before he actually left.

Now you have to get through the shock of it actually happening and accept it.

The false hope is gone. Handle your business, cry, and heal, as your attempt at NC your way didn't work, so now take our suggestions and do this the right way.

[hopeflies]

Maybe as bad as this whole thing ended - especially my horrible disgusting begging behaviour - I now have a definite answer. I kept asking him before if there was a chance? If this was just a break? If he never saw us together again to tell me - and he always came up with "I don't know".

At least now I know.

Complete NC.

Will he stop thinking I am crazy and not be scared to come get his stuff? I would never do any to harm him or his stuff - and the thought that he is thinking these things is really painful.

My brother in law said that he understands why he thought this way and would be scared if a girl was crying, begging, etc, etc.

How do I hold my head high now?

[amicon]

You hold your head up high because you have nothing to be ashamed of.
I'm betting nearly everyone on this board has done what you did at least once in their lives.
It's human,so forgive yourself asap-as in right now.

Total NC now,make that a promise to yourself.

[BrewCrew0981]

I feel for you and know where you are coming from. So, let me say this:

Dwelling on the 'shoulds' of past times, is fruitless. You did the best you knew how to do at the time. Quit digging up old bones of old regrettable experiances. All they are doing is clouding your mind when you are trying to respond to today's fantastic opportunities.

Also, the only person hurting you right now, is YOU. Take the time to dig yourself respect out of the garbage can, and stop letting people hurt you. It doesn't matter what he thinks about anything anymore.

[hopeflies]

I am only on day 2 of NC and it is terrible! Knowing that he thinks that I am an emotional nutbar is hurting so much. I know I need to let it go - but it is so hard.

I have decided to train for a race - so that is at least a goal where I have to take baby steps everyday - hopefully keep my mind off things.

Will he ever remember the good times - and the last interaction he has of me diminish over time? I feel like he had the easy way out - convince himself that I am going to ruin his life - and use our last conversation as an example (even though he called me to tell me that he had officially emailed someone about another place)...

I am so mad at all this - and it all feels unfair and unjustified. All I did was try to show him that I loved him - didn't threaten him or his belongings. This really sucks.

Is it possible to go through enough heart aches ( and break-ups) that you just give up on the idea of ever finding someone to truly love and try to be OK with the idea of being alone.

[amicon]

Physical activity is excellent-get the feelgood endorphins going will make you feel better.

It doesn't matter what or how he feels-what matters is that you stop thinking you have acted like a fool.

Tell yourself that you are worthy of a proper,happy relationship-when you are ready,and have healed from this breakup.

[vanheart]

This breakup will only make you a stronger, more aware individual.
If you allow yourself to be.

Give yourself time to heal. Most of us are here because of the very same thing.

There are good things around the corner.

[hopeflies]

I know good things are around the corner... as I have been through this before. But I also know how long it takes. And that scares me. I am also scared that I won't meet someone who fits the mold - like my ex did.

I am having a really bad day today - I keep breaking down. I start to pack some of his things - but then it hurts too much - and I am reminded of how much of a failure I am - and how everyone else I know is living in a happy relationship.

I don't want him to move out - and I just wish he could come get his stuff now so this pain isn't prolonged. It just hurts too much to pack it all up - but I know I have to.

I didn't think it could hurt this much. :(

[amicon]

Can your flatmate help you pack his stuff up? Then put it away,so you won't have to see the things.

You are not a failure-you have just come out of a failed relationship and that happens to us all at one point or another.
Give yourself time to heal,as you know you will.

[hopeflies]

I just can't forgive myself. I had a guy who wanted to commit to me the minute I stepped off that plane a year ago. A guy who was trying to work hard to give "us" the best future possible and just wanted to love me. He constantly flowered me with priase and love. I was more attracted to him than anyone I have ever been with and we were best friends for 16 years.

I can't get over how I ruined my chances - I will never again get the chance to build a life with my best friend of 16 years who I have been in love with on and off since I was 16.

All I did was resist it and find faults. I would look for reasons to be mad etc. - but he was always loyal and never gave me any reason to suspect that I wasn't the girl "of his dreams" as he used to say.

He once told me that I was like one of his organs - that he wouldn't be able to live without me.

How will I EVER find anything like that again? I just don't believe you can - and I can't stop being mad that I ruined it - I had everything I had ever wanted - and now it is all gone - and I have zero hope that anything like that will ever exist again...

[amicon]

I find it helps to look at people's actions-words and phrases are just that.

Anyone can say anything to anybody,but when push comes to shove-its about how people act and handle conflict,problems etc.

I would knock this guy off the pedistal if I were you.
Nobody is perfect.

As for finding love again,you will,though you may not believe me today.

Healing and working through your own issues will help you find a more compatible partner next time.

[vanheart]

Yeah, listen to yourself.

I will never find another, I can't forgive myself.

C'mon. Stop putting blame on yourself, that's not going to help.

Don't cry too hard over someone that's gone.

If he was the one, then he would be there. Sometimes people say all sorts of things, but can't deliver, or maybe change.

Yours now is to put your thoughts on new things. And to take care of yourself. Not dwell.

Spend your time elsewhere. Put him out of your vocabulary.