Ask Me Help Desk - Dealing With My Wife

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chris50

Forget the past, there is no future in it. Pick her up, dust her off and put her on a pedestal. God knows the other clowns she was with didn't, and her self esteem suffered. Step up and be her man...put yourself in her shoes...reverse the roles...how would you feel?? Be her rock...and understand...listen to what she says and don't judge her past mistakes. If you want to be closer, really listen to her and tell her you are sorry (for whatever) , hold her hand, rub her back, cook her dinner, take her to a movie SHE wants to see...do the little things...once you establish communication/friendship/respect again...it will be fine

Your right, that is what I must do. When I see these men out in town I will ignore them unless they are outrightly ungentlemenly then I will kick their asses. But I thank you for your reply as well, its easier to forget the past when its not in your face. But I will try. Once again thanks and goodbye :)

I have a similar problem. My wife told me after 25 years of marriage and two children about her promiscuous past. A couple of years before we married she had an affair with a married man. It consisting of him calling her whenever he could get away and come over to her place and service her. This went on for 5 months. That's not all but that's what I hate the worst. She also had sex with her boss at work several time who was old enough to be her father, picked up strangers in bars, etc, etc. She told me before we were married that she had been a good girl and had never been promiscuous. This is really hard for me to accept now. I am 59 years old. If I were 39 or 49 I would just leave and call it quits but now I feel trapped and deceived all these years. She blows it off and says it was should not matter what she did when she was single and before she knew me. It really hurts and has torn my life apart for the past six months thinking about her and her sex acts. How do you get this out of your mind??

I'm in the same boat as some of you. My wife had a very promiscuous past. She was upfront with me before we got married and I made my choice. Unfortunately this does not make it any easier. 15 years we have been married and I struggle with it daily now. There were quite a few years when I never thought about it. Then a year ago, for no reason once a week it would crop into my mind. For the last 6 months, a day hasn't gone by that I haven't thought about it ALL DAY LONG. I literally get sick to my stomach to the point of throwing up at times. The worst part is not feeling wanted or needed. I never doubt my wife's love. But often times at night you ask the same ole question only to get the same ole answer, and I can't help but think " you didn't say no to them." At least one of these guys was a dirty stinking "carny" for petes sake. My wife used to be a "horn dog" now I can't get her to instigate sex to save my life. I know hormones change and were older and more tired than we used to be, but realizing this doesn't help much. I can't help but be jealous of these guys that received my wife's affection when she was young and thin and oh so hot.

To the original poster: I know this would be easier if your wife made you feel wanted and needed. Twice a year does not sound like sex out of love but sex out of obligation on your wife's part. I know how you feel to a certain extent. I wish I had words of encouragement. Seek counseling. I can already tell you your wife's past is not your problem, but I think you already know this. If she was willing to do something she didn't want to do with someone else, why would she be with holding her affection for someone she loves? I could even except the fact that my wife was a porn star in her past if she was my own little porn star today. Please keep us updated. I hope all the best.