I have been married 25 years and the control is getting worse. I am not allowed to shop(even for graceries) and when I do but anything I get the third degree and a long lecture. He goes and gets what ever he wants whenever he wants. I am always being accused of wasting the money. Our bills are always late and I have no idea what we have or what we owe. This has always been a sore spot with me. When I get angry and throw a fit he will finally sit down and show me a list of bills but that is as far as it goes. Sometimes I just spend money (nothing great) just to show him that I do not intend to listen to him if he can't listen to my need to be a partner. I was a single parent before we married and always lived within my budget. I don't think he has ever had a budget or knows how to make one. He lost the only home that we ever owned and then got into trouble with other peoples insurance money.. Even during his really bad times( he spent 6 months in prison) I fullfilleed my vows and stayed. I am just becoming more and more angry every day at how bad he treats me and always says that I am the problem. If I truly am the problem then I want to do something.. but I somehow don't think that I am the source. Can you help before I get so angry that I do something stupid??

It's hard to believe that you stayed married for 25 years.
Did this just start happening recently or has it been on-going for many years? Has there been physical abuse also?
Are you financially dependent on him?
There are too many questions that need answers, and you must sort through them to find yourself.
It's all about the options you have.
The options are based on what is happening. If the negative outweighs the positive, you need to think about changes.

First you have to ask the question "Do I really want to stay in this marriage?" if the answer is no than leave him but if the answer is yes than you two have to go to counceling or nothing is going to change and all of those bad thing you're telling us will continue to happen and will go into even more parts of your life. I think this is the order you would have to do it than.

First you should try not to do anything in spite. And don't think that these things are your fault! He keeps telling you that so at some point you'll actually believe it's true. So than he can be the little boy that he is and always be right and never wrong.

Secondly you need to bring up counceling with him but it might have to be an ultimatum. It might have to be either counceling or divorce. But if you guys don't connect to your first counceler keep trying (though since it seems like your husband acts like a little boy he might want to find one until one of them tells him everything he says and does is right and you're always wrong).

Living with controls freaks is extremely hard to do. If you have built up anger about him controlling your life, you'll have to either leave him or continue on. There is no reason for his behavior other than pure selfishness on his part. I lived with a control freak who would not let (permit) me to spend a dime without his approval. I threw him the blank out of my home after I came to my senses. You can't change him or his thinking. You need to change your surroundings fast or forefeit your sanity.

I suggest you stay in a friends house for a couple of days and indulge yourself on whatever you want, whenever you want. Once your tempers are cooled, tell him how you feel, and if he really loves you, he will understand and change his ways. Good luck

I have had a couple of bf's that ended up being controlling about money. They would get mad at me for spending 15 dollars for a comforter and pillow and 20 for a winter coat at the thrift store. Yet they would blow all their pay on partying within 24 hours and not have money to pay bills. I soon realized that they were mad because they wanted me to be able to 'lend' them money.
Forget that. It isn't worth it. I ended up just jumping all over them about how at least I had something to show for my money and I managed to pay my bills and have money left over... WHAT do YOU have to show for YOUR money!
When you start giving me money then you can ask me where MY money went but I am the one expected to lend you money and you have nothing to show for where a hundred went forget that!
Then they would get mad because I quit buying the food and they wanted dinner when they came home. I told them I will start cooking the bacon when you start bringing the bacon home!

Remember that his debts will be yours. If they can't get it from him they will try to go after you, unless you have some sort of legal protection.

Hello, KASER701 :)

I think that you should leave this husband. I can't see any reasons good enough to stay in such a destructive relationship. How do you feel about leaving him? He doesn't treat you like a good husband should, and you know it. Listen to your heart and follow your dreams, it is never too late.

I guess he has his wonderful sides, and he surely is a charming person in many ways, but he is not good for YOU.

I think you will be much better alone. You will feel so much better when you only have yourself to think about. You can build up a totally new life without any limitations. You will blossom.

I wish you all the best.

Illion
:) :) :)