Ask Me Help Desk - How do I make my wife feel beautiful?

I made the mistake of telling her that the first time I saw her, she was not "my type"...

Please do not "bash" me about this. I KNOW that was stupid, and I was young and not very mature...

Point is, now we've had 3 children and she does not feel pretty... She commented about my above statement in the past, and I don't know what to do.. In fact, I do find her to be very beautiful.. But I don't know how to make her feel that way. Telling her doesn't seem very effective.

Our 3rd child is 3 months old, and she was like this with our last 2 children as well. She thinks I am treating her differently because she thinks that I think she's not attractive due to having a baby... But that's simply NOT TRUE... She is just as beautiful now as ever before.. So how can I get this across to her, where she will understand and believe me?

She is probably going through a bit of postpartum depression. Just continue to tell her you love her and that she is beautiful. Once the hormones settle down, she should be back to normal.
I think it is sweet your asking this question.
Good luck.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

She is probably going through a bit of postpartum depression. Just continue to tell her you love her and that she is beautiful. Once the hormones settle down, she should be back to normal.
I think it is sweet your asking this question.
Good luck.

Thank you for such a quick reply. I just emailed her for the first time in probably a year. We generally just call each other through out the day several times. But I can't say what I wanted to say by phone.

Basically last night she "half way" acted like she kind of wanted to have sex.. But she didn't... and after 8 years I can tell if she really wanted to or just half way offering but won't be into it... It was I guess a call for attention, and I messed up by not giving it to her... But the email I sent her explained that, and also that anytime she really wants it.. she has this... sexy attitude about her and when she's REALLY in the mood she is 100% un-resistable... period... rather I am even in the mood or not if she IS... then I automatically get excited...

Was that a bad thing to tell her?

No, you just keep communicating with her. Send her little love notes during the day. Just keep doing what you're doing. When you have just had a bay, your hormones are out of whack, it just messes up your moods something awful, and takes a while to get back to normal.
Court your wife, you know like she is a girl you're trying to get. You two will be fine, I just feel it.

You seem to be on the right track. :)

I know I feel unattractive a lot of times. My daugthers 5 and I still haven't lost the baby weight. But my husband rubs my belly and night, and always says how much he loves my belly and rubbing it helps him sleep. Numerous time throughout the day I will get a text message or short email just him telling me he loves me, or telling me how amazingly beautiful he thinks I am. At night I will be on the computer, sweatpants, tshirt, no makeup on, glasses, etc and he will come behind me and kiss me on the top of the head and tell me I look beautiful.

He does a great job :) The key is don't overdo it just to make her feel better... she will know it. Say such things at times she catches your eye and the first things that comes to your head is how pretty she is. Comment on things she does that you love. Say things out of the blue that you always think but usually keep to yourself.

But make sure you don't turn the compliments to be all about in the bedroom. My husband started making those mistakes when I was in a "down" period as far as wanting to have sex. I went through a time where I just wasn't interested in it as much. He thought if every comment he made to compliment me was about sex it would change things, but it really just made them worse. You don't want her to think everything is about sex, otherwise she may be like I was, and get more distant because I thought I couldn't be affectionate with my husband without him thinking it was about sex. Sometimes its nice to be able to flirt, cuddle, and such without it leading to sex.

But you seem to be on a great start... keep it going :)

You sound like a sweet guy! Just keep up what your doing! Can you take her out on a date? Get a baby sitter for the kids? I know for me I feel a lot better about myself when I can get dressed up nice and have a real dinner with adult conversation.

Be patient, loving and very attentive, no matter her moods. Plenty of Yes dear's. In time she will be grateful as she "comes back" from her having a baby.

Give her a surprise the best thing she would love to have and mentioned to her for "my loving beautiful wife" . Wife needs love, appreciation and care. Surely she will give you back double. All the best
:)

Fools,

What an apt description for males. The first time I met my wife was at my oldest brothers wedding. Our mothers worked together at NY hospitals switchboard and they had decided that Bonnie would be introduced to my middle brother while he was on leave from Marine corps basic training to attend the wedding . Rich was to be an usher and Bonnie was to be his escort.

Ah, enter the fickle finger of fate. The Marine Corps said to Rich, no leaves at this time you need to go through Advanced Infantry School. Rich was canceled out and I was subbed in.

When I first saw Bonnie, the first words out of my mouth were, "Hey, do you know your knees don't match?" Apparantley she was very sensitive about that and worried. My casual comment actually diffused her worry because she then asked me if that would be a big deal and I said not at all and all was well

Why not write her a letter to tell her just how much she means to you and how overwhelmingly beautiful that you find her? While I do think it's good to tell her that you are sexually attracted to her, I think that it's so much more than that to most women. The important thing is to be sincere, consistent, honest and not to over-do it.

I think it's just wonderful that you feel so strongly about this that you would seek advice on a website. You are a good guy and if you are sincere about other things she will eventually believe it.

Why not pick up the Kenny Chesney album with the song "She Don't Know She's Beautiful", light some candles, sweep her into your arms and dance with her to it? At the end of it, tell her that the song expresses exactly what you feel? If you aren't familiar with the song, the lyrics are here: Kenny Chesney - She Don't Know (She's Beautiful) lyrics.

Hope this helps...

Hugs, Didi

Tell her that she is beautiful on the inside.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fools

I made the mistake of telling her that the first time I saw her, she was not "my type" ...

Please do not "bash" me about this. I KNOW that was stupid, and I was young and not very mature...

Point is, now weve had 3 children and she does not feel pretty... She commented about my above statement in the past, and I dont know what to do.. In fact, I do find her to be very beautiful.. But I dont know how to make her feel that way. Telling her doesnt seem very effective.

Our 3rd child is 3 months old, and she was like this with our last 2 children as well. She thinks I am treating her differently because she thinks that I think shes not attractive due to haveing a baby.... But thats simply NOT TRUE....... She is just as beautiful now as ever before.. So how can I get this across to her, where she will understand and believe me?

You know how many times it takes to hear that someone thinks you are beautiful before they believe it? I don't know. See what the magical number is. It cannot hurt. I have never been told by my husband, thus I am leaving him for someone who has told me that I am the most beautiful woman in the universe. I know I am not, but he has told me to believe him, and I told him I would. He keeps telling me, "cannot you see yourself?" and tells me to look at myself on the webcam. I do see how he gets his viewpoint, but still, I see my 40-year-old face, and after having two kids, well... I have my doubts, so when I hear him tell me every day, several times a day, it is.. well.. starting to sink in, I guess! =) Don't think your efforts are going unnoticed. They aren't. She is denying it, so that you will KEEP trying to convince her. She knows deep down inside you may not think she is "your type", and that will never change, so avert your thoughts from that, and just go into how she makes you FEEL! That, she can understand. Indirectly, you'll be telling her, "I know you are beautiful, because...(state your reasons)" You don't even have to mention the first part, it will be inferred! I know she sees you feel bad for saying that comment years ago, but have you officially apologized? I know that is sometimes hard for people to do, swallow pride and admit fault, even from years ago, but perhaps she has been waiting for you to say you are sorry, and now is the time.

Have faith in yourself, as it seems you have a good head on your shoulders, in picking this woman to be in your life, and to be the multiple mother of your wonderful, darling children (that is a hint as to what you can say you appreciate about her, stating how excellent she is, and how it seeps out of her "pores", so to speak.) Seek help from people who she knows. Ask them what she likes, and buy her something she has been asking for. Have you given her a card lately? Write your words down, saying how much you love her, because... =) It will be a few bucks worth spending, I promise you.

Inthesameboat

1. Make her be loved.
2. Be jealous! Make her to see that! That may say to her that she is beautiful.

It's the little things that let her know and feel that she is loved, appreciated and of course, beautiful. Try like others have advised and one thing I did just last week. My wife called me on her way to work and told me her windshield wiper blades need to be replaced. It was raining that day and I was just coming home from work myself (I'm a firefighter and work 24 hour shifts). I stopped at the nearest Wal-Mart and bought the blades for my wife's car and also because it was so close to Valentine's Day, I found the perfect red silk rose. I picked that up as well. I drove to about 45 minutes to where my wife works and found her car in the parking lot. I changed out her blades and left the silk rose underneath the driver's side clipped into the wiper (not under it, lol). Then I went home and let my wife find it when she was leaving work. She was so happy and told me she had an admirer. When she got home, dinner was on the table and all the kid's homework was done. My wife was pleased and I think not because I changed out her blades, but because I think she felt that I put her first and made sure she was taken care of. Try doing small things for her. Prepare her coffee in the morning and bring it to her while she's getting ready for work, make the bed when she gets out of it, rub her back, feet, shoulders, etc. Kiss her and hold her at night without it leading to sex and I'm sure you'll get the message across. Best of luck.