Husband is too insecure and clingy
First of all, I love my husband VERY much. He's a wonderful man and a terriffic father. Lately, he's been about too much for me to bear, though.
Here are some examples of his behavior:
1. He texts me continuously throughout the day and if I don't text back quickly (even if I'm at work), he starts texting sad faces and asking why I'm mad at him or if I'm going to leave him.
2. He wants to know where I am every second of the day. If I don't tell him every move I make, he come home really despondent and quiet.
3. If I forget to tell him some insignificant detail, he becomes irritable. Example of this is that I forgot to tell him about a change in my schedule. He wanted to know where I was and what I was doing and why I didn't tell him.
4. He hates all of my friend's husbands. I try not to speak to any of them if we're all out at one of our children's functions, just not to cause him to be upset.
5. If I ever do go out with any of my girl friends, I have to deal with it for at least a week afterward. He tells me I'm never home, etc.
6. If I work any extra, he gets upset.
7. He always texts me, begging me not to ever leave him or cheat on him.
I have really tried to be understanding. I've tried being extra sweet when he gets like this, hoping that reassurance will make him realize that I do love him. I've tried sending him texts throughout the day just saying I love you. I try to plan times for us to be alone to spend more time together. I try to come in and sit with him and be close to him.
It seems though that the more I try, the worse he gets. The more I reassure him, the more reassurance he needs. Honestly, I have never given him any reason to believe that I'm going anywhere.
Lately, it's driving me insane. I get tired of trying to avoid situations to keep from setting him off. I get tired of avoiding social situations. I get tired of making excuses to my friends when they want me to do things with them. I get tired of telling him over and over that I'm not doing anything wrong. I'm honestly home all the time, unless I'm at work. I've been out with friends twice in the 5 years we've been married.
I know that a lot of the problem stems from my recent weight loss. Also, I'm the primary wage earner and that makes him feel insecure. He tells me all the time that he would die without me and that if I ever left him that he wouldn't be able to do anything.
I don't know how to handle this anymore. I tried getting him to go to counseling, but that made everything so much worse. He refused (pride) and has now used that a basis for his belief that our marriage will fail. (Why would I want to go to counseling if nothing were wrong? And if something's wrong, then I'm going to leave him)
I don't want to leave. I don't want to give him an ultimatum. I want him to be more confident and secure. I want him to realize that he's a wonderful person and that I'm attracted to him and love him. And I tell him this all the time.
Life is just so much easier when I try to avoid any situation that sets things off with him, but I'm so tired of working so hard at it every single second of every day. I'm tired of waking up and constantly worrying about making him upset.
Please please help before I go completely nuts!