My girlfriend let her ex-husband move back in the house.
My girl friend and I have been together for 15 months. We were both married when we first meet and we both were divorced in the last year. We have a loving, caring very intimate relationship. She has three children, two in college and one 13 year old at home. I also have two grown children.
She is the bread winner for her family. Her husband is self employed, but he is really more like unemployed. She made him move out when 8 months ago. He has not been able to earn his own keep on his own and she has had to bail him with thousands of dollars. Supposedly some of the money was so he could get his own place near their son's junior high school. Instead he moved in with his girl friend. That didn't work, so he has moved back home. Her son is happy. She says she is going to help him straighten out his finances. That will take some time as first he must pay off his debt, and then save to get his own place.
At first I thought it would be okay if it was for a short term, maybe just a couple months. I asked her to be sure to set and end date. Now I realize this is going to take a long time. She says his being home with their son will let her spend more time with me, which I have been wanting. I told her I thought she is enabling him, making it so he does not have to get off the couch and earn a living. She has been doing that for years. In the past he has also belittled her to her son. The boy is very disrespectful to her, which she blames on her ex.
I am looking at this situation with trepidation. Should I be concerned? I am considering taking a break from our relationship so I can figure out if I should take on all this baggage, a both to raise and an ex husband that is causing her extra expense and headache.
Comment on joypulv's post
Joypulv - she pledges her love and says she can hardly stand her ex. She thinks her ex may be suicidal given his failure to support himself. She hopes in a year or so he will be back on his feet. At that time she wants to sell her house. Her ex is to get 25% of any gain there would be. That would give him the money to get a house and take over custody of their son. She wants me to stick with her during this time.
I am losing sleep over the whole mess. I planned and had my kids so they would be on their own when I am in my forties. Now I seem to have her son and her ex that I have to build my schedule around. BTW - he's a good kid, but I am not his dad and never will try to take the place of his dad.