I am not sure if this is where I should be posting? My daughters husbands father is very ill he is going into hospice, his wife the step mother is evil she is constently harassing the kids she is telling them that they can not see his father now or come to the wake or funeral when he passed. We live in Illinois can she legally keep them from paying their final respects?:(

I am so sorry your son-in-law is going through such a terrible ordeal. It is very sad that at times like these families can't put aside their personal differences. If the father wants to see his children while in hospice, she cannot stop them. They should contact the hospice and ask for a patient advocate who will speak with the father directly for his consent for them to visit if she has tried placing a ban on them. But, once Dad is at a point where he can no longer make a decision, from a legal standpoint, the spouse is the one in control, unless Dad has prepared paperwork naming someone else to make all his decisions for him. Regarding the wake and funeral, the person who is paying the expenses is the one that is allowed to call the shots. If the wife is paying for all of this and puts a ban on people, she can't have them arrested if they merely show up, but if a disturbance should occur, which sounds likely, you can bet she or the funeral home will call the police. Is it worth the possibility of going through a major confrontation (and possible arrest) at a time like this? I wish I had a better answer for your son-in-law. I feel so sorry for the father. He deserves to have all the people whom he loves be around him at this time. Funerals are a time for the living to commiserate together. What a terrible tragedy for this situation to have gotten so out of hand that it has gotten to this point.