Ask Me Help Desk - Adopt wife's children?

I want to adopt my wife's children, but the father of the children won't sign the papers. What should I do?

Why are you trying to get rid of the biological father?

There are EXTREMELY good reasons that it is difficult to take away a parent's rights.

What do you think YOUR good reasons are?

I can imagine your good reason: you are actually raising the children, they live with you and your wife, and it isn't easy for children to live in a family where everybody but them has the same last name.
Also, in most cases, when the father tries to be an active part of his children's life, nobody should think about adopting the children. My experiences ( in my own family and several friends) is, that many fathers don't want to take care of the children (like come and see them, and be as responsible as the mother) but they want to keep parental rights. If the children are old enough, I would ask the children what they want, and if they want to go for it, that is maybe something to convince the father. If he does take care of them, I don't think he should be asked to give them up - and for you to have a chance with a judge, he would have to never call, show up, or pay any support for several years..

Quote:

Originally Posted by twinmom06

and here I was, thinking that this forum is supposed to give people helpful answers.... If you don't have advice, just say nothing at all.
I can imagine your good reason: you are actually raising the children, they live with you and your wife, and it isn't easy for children to live in a family where everybody but them has the same last name.
Also, in most cases, when the father tries to be an active part of his children's life, nobody should think about adopting the children. My experiences ( in my own family and several friends) is, that many fathers don't want to take care of the children (like come and see them, and be as responsible as the mother) but they wanna keep parental rights. If the children are old enough, I would ask the children what they want, and if they want to go for it, that is maybe something to convince the father. If he does take care of them, I don't think he should be asked to give them up - and for you to have a chance with a judge, he would have to never call, show up, or pay any support for several years..

First, this is the Family LAW forum. Answers in the legal forums need to conform to existing statutes. Nothing in your answer refers to existing law. You talk about what you think should happen, not what the laws says should happen.

Second, Sometimes we can't give a helpful answer or any answer at all without knowing more of the background. That is why Synnen answered as she did. You basically criticized her for making assumptions that the OP thinks he can provide a better life for the children. But, while that may be so, you are making a lot of assumptions about the bio father. In fact you are assuming he's basically an absentee, deadbeat without any evidence to the support it. So before you criticize someone for giving what you think is not a helpful answer, maybe you better learn how this site works and the right way to give advice.

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Originally Posted by proudfather

i want to adopt my wife's children, but the father of the children won't sign the papers. What should i do?

More info is needed here for us to help you. First, ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area. Second, we need to know about the relationship between the bio father and HIS children. We need to know if there is a visitation order in place and whether he follows it. We need to know if he's supporting his children. We need to know how old the children are and how long you have been married to their mother.

Only with this info and maybe more that I can't think of right now can we give you helpful and accurate advice.

The REASON I wanted more clarification is that in MOST cases, if the father won't sign, an adoption won't happen. PERIOD.

If it were easy to take away parental rights, I'm sure there would be FAR fewer people waiting to adopt. You need to show PROOF that it is better for the children to take away their parents' rights--and that's really hard to do.

Just because someone doesn't pay child support isn't a reason to take away parental rights, either. Neither is not visiting as often as they should. Or whatever. ABUSE is a good reason. NEGLECT (to the point of abuse) is also a good reason.

CHILDREN don't get a say in it. A JUDGE does.

And frankly, if the father uses his rights and does not wish to relinquish them, there's no way you'll convince a judge that it's in the child's best interest to do so. And whether the father is as responsible as the mother doesn't matter a lick of snake spit. If there is not a reason like abuse to force a TPR, then you can't force one. Otherwise people could start forcing welfare moms to give up their rights because they aren't "responsible" enough to have children, and don't "support" their children fully. Two edged sword there.

NOW--this is a LEGAL board, Twinmom06. Your advice here has to have some basis in LAW. Please do not tell me that my advice was not helpful, because I know it wasn't very helpful--I need more information from the OP to be fully helpful here. ALSO--my advice is TRUE. Forcing someone to give up their rights does not happen. In fact, when relinquishing rights, the questions they hammer at you over and over to make sure you understand is that 1. No one can be coercing you to do so. 2. No one can be PAYING you to do so. 3. This is FOREVER. If you are not willing to relinquish forever, then don't sign those papers.

Forever is a long time. I can't blame even a father that isn't that involved for not wanting to relinquish. ESPECIALLY since you don't know whether the MOTHER has made it difficult for him to see the children--by getting married and moving away, for instance.

Twinmom the issue is that the bio father will have to sign over his rights to allow the adoption.