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-   -   Bestfriend's turn into enemies. (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=538919)

  • Dec 30, 2010, 12:22 AM
    SHYGIRL14
    Bestfriend's turn into enemies.
    I used to have a best friend, we were really close, we had been through near enough the same things, and if not we were always there to help each other out. One day, she decided she didn't want to live at her house anymore, because of the way her parents treated her, so my mum gladly let her stay with us for her safety. A couple days later she decided to go home, and since then we hardly spoke to each other. She was going out with one of my good boy mates and she started to cheat on him with about 3 other of my boy mates. She started to lie a lot to. And then she started arguement's with me and started to say stuff about my family ext. so me and her are not friends anymore. What do you think was up with her? And do you think that she was in the wrong?
  • Dec 30, 2010, 03:13 AM
    Lady_Eleanor
    If she was in such a bad way emotionally that she needed to come and stay with you 'for her safety', then a few instances of acting out aren't unexpected, and if you can absorb them until she gets back in a 'good place' (I mean psychologically, not physically), you'll likely be even closer than ever by the end.

    However, it sounds like you've already given up on her. Don't be too harsh: it sounds like she was pinwheeling after having the upset of leaving home. If you don't like it then you don't have to be her best friend any more, but let her know that you're there if she ever wants to settle down and needs someone to talk to.

    She needs you now more than ever, and probably doesn't realise how much she's hurting you with the things she says about your family. Try and be patient.
  • Dec 30, 2010, 03:19 AM
    joypulv

    Sudden sleeping around and acting angry and mean can be a sign of sexual abuse, or alcoholism and violence, or a parent openly having an affair, or a just plain angry, irrational parent. Is there a way you can reach out to her kindly? Do you know anything about why she left home to stay with you? Have you talked to your mother about it?

    Try to understand that she may be envious of you and your family and that's why she isn't speaking to you. She may be trying to be tough when she's really hurting.
  • Dec 30, 2010, 08:22 AM
    SweetDee

    It's really hard to be there for a friend that is spinning out of control like your friend is, I understand that. After all you have your OWN problems in your life as well... and you stepped up to the plate when she was in need and took her in.

    What she is doing is ROTTEN. She is thanking you by slapping you in the face! Talking trash about your family is really hurting you and I understand your upset.

    Having said all that... your bestie is really messed up. She's not acting herself as you can see. She's clearly pissed and seemingly out to hurt as many people as she can. She doesn't seem to care about who she's hurting either.

    This is a behavior that, even though it's hurting you and shocking you, it has NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. She's spinning downwards into a dark place right now out of anger and she might be doing this for a while.

    You don't need to be her door mat, but you also shouldn't close the door on her either. She may snap out of this... and if you could just hold on to the knowledge that you once were close and that you love her... you might regret tossing her friendship away if you kick her to the curb.

    Maybe keep your distance for a while. You deserve better treatment after all... Don't shut this door. Trying to be close right now will tear you apart because she's being horrible.

    She can't be your friend if she's going to be a B****! You deserve so much more, BUTTTTTT you also love her... so keep your distance.

    Maybe tell her, "It really upsets me that you are talking S*** about me and my family so imma step off till you come to your senses. I love you but I'm not your dog..."(of course use your own words lol). Don't have a fight or screaming match.. don't be a "right fighter" with her right now because she'll just want to win because she's being so cold... and it's just going to make things worse.

    (You may not want to have a conversation with her... but you may feel that it's a good idea, so this is why I mentioned it).

    Just remember you and your family did the right thing.. when she was in need. Her reaction to things are NEGATIVE right now and it's NOT ABOUT YOU...

    You and your fam are awesome people. :) xo
  • Dec 30, 2010, 08:25 AM
    SweetDee

    OH YES also, don't get involved with what she does with boys... even if they are your close mates. It's not your problem or business, you know? Let her just do what she's going to do... you needn't concern yourself. Tell that to your mates... xoxo

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