Ask Me Help Desk - My husband is an insecure jerk

I am 22-years-old and just had my second child six weeks ago (my first is 19 months). I have had problems with depression for almost ten years, and had been taking antidepressants for two years before I got pregnant last March and I stopped cold turkey because I thought I didn't need them anymore. Well, soon after I found out I was pregnant, my husband became a lunatic. He worked three blocks away at the time, but swore that someone was coming over. If I went to my mom's house or my cousin's house, I was either just using them as an alibi, or meeting a guy over there. I started a job as a loan agent, which is a commission only job and I made my own hours. He would call my job, and say that he was hearing weird noises in the background and how did he know that someone wasn't there with me? He would make comments about me giving someone oral sex in my office (Never mind that I had a window and the door was made of glass). And it seemed like the further I got into my pregnancy, the more jealous he got. He accuses me of sleeping with all sorts of unknown guys, just because he saw a guy outside. And this would make sense if we lived in a house, but we live in an apartment complex with over 100 units, 8 of them in our building, and the stairs are right in front of our door. He kept packing up and leaving because I wouldn't admit that I was cheating. He says that he doesn't need proof he knows that I'm cheating. He always wants to have sex, and if I say no, then I must be giving it to someone else, even when I was days away from my due date.
Recently, I have been experiencing symptoms of Post Partum Depression and have been trying to get treatment, but have been having problems with my HMO. I try to talk to him about my feelings, but he thinks that he has to try to "solve" my problems with sex, which I obviously don't want. I have given him pamphlets and shown him websites, which he just skims over and pretty much doesn't believe. He insists that I make myself feel this way and threatens to leave me if I don't "get over it". I try to explain the constant unhappiness, that I don't feel any joy from anything, not even my babies, and that I need to get real help, but for now, I just need to talk. He then takes these vulnerable moments as opportunities to verbally attack me, saying that I don't want the kids because I didn't have them with a black man (he's half white/Mexican, and I'm Black), or that I'm crying because I must've cheated and now feel guilty. I don't know what to do. I've already attempted suicide three times in the last month, and each time he stops me, but what does he save me for? To keep living like this, and made to feel even more worthless than I do already? I can't take it anymore, but I love him, and don't want to leave. Why can't he just be the man I married, and not this jealous creep?:(

1. Get treatment for your depression.

2. Tell your husband to get a grip, get over it, or get out. I know that's hard, but you don't deserve to be treated like this. He should be supporting and building you up, not dissing you and tearing you down. You can't give your children what they need if you're always having to worry about his insecurities. The kids come first. If he can't support you in raising them, you're better off without him.

You and your hubby need counseling (and perhaps he needs some meds)

Girl, your man is psycho. He's so damn insecure because I HATE TO SAY IT, he's probably cheated on you!! And this is the first stage of abuse. Verbal abuse is bad and I can't imagine what could happen to you if he ever snapped. You both need marriage counseling but first you must seek individual help. And if worse comes to worse, he's already told you how he'd leave you! Stay strong for you kids (& don't have any more with this guy until he gets help!)

Quote:

I've already attempted suicide three times in the last month, and each time he stops me, but what does he save me for?

If nothing else, for your children, so that you can live and see your children grow! They need you more than you could ever imagine...

Please for your children, get marriage counseling and go back on your meds.
Do you have a mental health clinic in your area? How did you get your meds before? Do you have family that can help with your children during this time?

Kae

Quote:

Originally Posted by rvasquez84

I am 22-years-old and just had my second child six weeks ago (my first is 19 months). I have had problems with depression for almost ten years, and had been taking antidepressants for two years before I got pregnant last March and I stopped cold turkey because I thought I didn't need them anymore. Well, soon after I found out I was pregnant, my husband became a lunatic. He worked three blocks away at the time, but swore that someone was coming over. If I went to my mom's house or my cousin's house, I was either just using them as an alibi, or meeting a guy over there. I started a job as a loan agent, which is a commision only job and I made my own hours. He would call my job, and say that he was hearing weird noises in the background and how did he know that someone wasn't there with me? He would make comments about me giving someone oral sex in my office (Never mind that I had a window and the door was made of glass). And it seemed like the further I got into my pregnancy, the more jealous he got. He accuses me of sleeping with all sorts of unknown guys, just because he saw a guy outside. And this would make sense if we lived in a house, but we live in an apartment complex with over 100 units, 8 of them in our building, and the stairs are right in front of our door. He kept packing up and leaving because I wouldn't admit that I was cheating. He says that he doesn't need proof he knows that I'm cheating. He always wants to have sex, and if I say no, then I must be giving it to someone else, even when I was days away from my due date.
Recently, I have been experiencing symptoms of Post Partum Depression and have been trying to get treatment, but have been having problems with my HMO. I try to talk to him about my feelings, but he thinks that he has to try to "solve" my problems with sex, which I obviously don't want. I have given him pamphlets and shown him websites, which he just skims over and pretty much doesn't believe. He insists that I make myself feel this way and threatens to leave me if I don't "get over it". I try to explain the constant unhappiness, that I don't feel any joy from anything, not even my babies, and that I need to get real help, but for now, I just need to talk. He then takes these vulnerable moments as opportunities to verbally attack me, saying that I don't want the kids because I didn't have them with a black man (he's half white/Mexican, and I'm Black), or that I'm crying because I must've cheated and now feel guilty. I don't know what to do. I've already attempted suicide three times in the last month, and each time he stops me, but what does he save me for? To keep living like this, and made to feel even more worthless than I do already? I can't take it anymore, but I love him, and don't want to leave. Why can't he just be the man I married, and not this jealous creep?:(

OK, I have gone through depression many of times, and I'm married. You have to stop, breathe and think about YOU and YOUR KIDS. Your husband may never become the person he used to be, and this is just a factor you have to deal with. Attemping suicide is ridiculous, stop that. You have one on the way and you have another baby that's 19 months. You husband doesn't seem like he wants to make any situation better. What you should do is stop this nonsense and wake up. You say you are unhappy, but you can't leave him, Why? If he is constantly accusing you of cheating and he is falsfully accusing of your depression, why stay? He is making it only worse. I'm sorry that what you had before with him is not there now, but you have to look out for the future of your children, not him! Because evidenlty he is not looking out for your health and future by always accusing you. I know this is easier said then done... but trust me on it, pack your stuff and go stay with a family member or friend. It's better to get "yourself together" then start falling apart.