My ex boyfriend of almost 7 years broke up with me almost a year ago. I haven't been able to move on, it seems like it just happened yesterday. I guess part of the problem is I didn't follow the "no contact" rule. Ever since the breakup, we would still see each other and talk on the phone, e-mail, etc. He would visit a couple times a month, take me out to dinner and a movie, and we act like we're still a couple. He would hold my hand, kiss me, etc. Lately I've been wanting to work things out because it's been 11 months and the relationship is still in "limbo"- I've told him I want to work things out and he tells me I'm pushing it and shouldn't be doing that, just to let things happen the way they should, he still loves me, but he's really busy now and if it was meant to be, that it will happen, just don't keep pushing the issue. Well it's been so emotional for me and I have to admit, I have been calling more often. If he doesn't call for a couple days, I begin to feel needy and upset and I let him know about it. So there's been a lot of fighting. Last conversation we had over the phone was a week ago. That ended in an argument, me crying and hanging up on him. Haven't heard from him since. I just figure I'd finally let him be without me and give him is breathing room, allowing him to "miss me" if the 7 years meant anything at all to him. And he would eventually contact me. I figured since I've been throwing myself at him and basically showing him that I couldn't live without him, he knew he had me so he didn't have to put forth any effort. How long should I expect before he contacts me- if he ever does? I'm just so broken hearted because I would think someone I was with for that long wouldn't just cut me off like that. Thanks so much in advance for all your advice.

He may or may not contact you leave the ball in his court. In the meantime get involved with friends and get back out in the world. Only time can heal a broken heart.

It's been 11 months, you should be well on your way with your healing process. You know why you are not, YOU STILL KEEP IN TOUCH WITH HIM! This is why you can't move on. You need to tell him sh*t or get off the pot. If he truly loved you he would be by your side NOW all he's doing is stringing you along long because he no's you are rite there waiting for him. Get rid of this guy and start living for yourself without him. What if you guys never get back. Don't wait on an if. He has moved on and you should too. What IF he makes you wait 10 years are you going to wait that long while he dates and has his fun. If YOU don't let go NOW you will never move on.

Move along... there are plenty of other fish in the sea.:)

If her broke up with you it meant that he didn't want the relationship. It's been 11 months already and you haven't taken the first step into moving on. If all you are going to do is throw yourself at him then just sit and wait for him, your efforts are in vain. You cannot make anybody love you, and your neediness is probably what's turning him off even more. 7 years is a long time and of course it's hard when you find out that person isn't into you anymore, but you have to move on, the clinginess is unhealthy.

SORRY!! That sucks...

1) You are a little late for this but some of the rules still apply: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...sh-114179.html

2) Cut him off and make it clear you are dating someone else... You may be surprised how it makes a guy focus.

Only choices at this point to make yourself happy I'm afraid.

Let me know how it goes!

New days a comin'...

If u love it u will let it go if its yours it will come back.

Ash123, thank you so much for directing me to the "rules". That's pretty amazing, I really hope it works out for me. I've done well for the past week in not contacting him, but his birthday is coming up and I'm wondering if I should at least send him a text to greet him. I figure I at least owe him that after 7 years. But after that, I intend to continue following the rules. Thank you all for your advice, it really means so much!!

You've now gotten yourself on the right track, so it's important for you to stay there. Get out and meet new people and take up new interests. Build your life around yourself, not him or anyone else. He may decide he misses you or he may not. He may or may not get in touch with you. If he does, you keep your power and don't surrender it to him. You live your life on your own terms and according to your own rules.

I would not send him a text for his birthday show him you are in control by not sending it.

Contact on Birthday? No way.
This one I am 100% sure about.

It is your last chance to seize a small bit of power for yourself and your pride.
It is not mean AT ALL.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

Contact on Birthday? No way.
This one I am 100% sure about.

It is your last chance to seize a small bit of power for yourself and your pride.
It is not mean AT ALL.

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Yesterdey was my ex's birthday. And I did nothing. I am glad I didn't text or email or call her.. As you said I think I showed her I have a bit! Power and pride too which I couldn't show her before.. Because she knew I can't do without her.. and that's what she used before..

I am sure she was down to see a real lover has gone... And I think I was not mean at all as she chose to leave me...

For the first time, during our breakups, I could manage NC a month long, and she called to hear my voice.. I bet she was waiting for my text yesterday to make sure her power on me like usual... but I didn't do anything.. I am glad to be strong a bit

After stringing you along for 11 months you still feel you owe him an acknowledgement of his birthday? I don't think so! Leave it alone, and do not have any more to do with him, in any fashion and worry about you. 7 years is to long to be together, and then slow things down. You have already given him too much, and nothing to show for it.

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Originally Posted by smeetr

Yesterdey was my ex's birthday. And I did nothing. I am glad I didnt text or email or call her.. As you said I think I showed her I have a bit! power and pride too which I couldnt show her before.. Because she knew I can't do without her.. and thats what she used before..

I am sure she was down to see a real lover has gone... And I think I was not mean at all as she chose to leave me...

for the first time, during our breakups, I could manage NC a month long, and she called to hear my voice.. I bet she was waiting for my text yesterday to make sure her power on me like usual... but I didnt do anything.. I am glad to be strong a bit

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well done!
This will bring you respect and healing and please - no guilt... it was 100% right.

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Originally Posted by Ash123

well done!
this will bring you respect and healing and please - no guilt...it was 100% right.

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Thank you..
I'm sure it brings respect and I feel more powerful that I can do without her. And I proved it for a month and yesterday.

Guilt is definitely chasing us though we are a dumpee or a dumper. And yesterday for many times I thought if I've been respectless or looking like a liar with telling how much I loved her before by not saying even just a "happy birthday" to the love of my life.. But then I alwys came to see that she dumped me which is an enough reason to (not) give her what she deserve... I don't even count her lies and cheats..

I would have looked like a loser or an insecure guy still thinking of her and still respecting her over what she has done to me.. I would lose more respect to myself if I contacted her like oh you are weldone and welcome with what you did to me happy birthday wishes here for you... bha.. disgusting..
I'm glad I didn't contact. And I feel no guilt at all..

WALL,

I didn't want her to DATE someone else, but to make it clear that to him that she was... This guy is GONE and she needs to do things to get him and her to move on...

But if I don't at least send him a birthday greeting, that might make him hate me. And I don't want him to hate me, the whole point is to have him back in my life. Wouldn't that make him resent me if after 7 years and so far, it's been 1 1/2 weeks of no contact, which is the longest so far since we talked daily- that I don't even text him happy birthday? I just wanted to know if this would make him not want to talk to me ever again and that's what I wanted to avoid.

I'm sure if you don't text happy birthday he won't hate you... he will probably be curious on why you didn't.

... And probably lessen my chances of ever having him contact me ever again, if he was ever planning on. But I will listen to everyone's advice and not text him. Again, I appreciate all of your help, everyone, this really helps me a lot. I've just been so upset and this has been the longest time without contact since the breakup (1 1/2 weeks) so now I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably never hear from him again.

You must recognise your emotions are all over the place, and you are not thinking clearly at this point in time.