I am 24 and I’m dating a man who is 30. We met 5 months ago through mutual friends. At the time we were both casually dating a couple of other people. We started slowly, seeing each other about every 2 weeks. After 2 months, he asked if I’d be willing to only see him. At first we’d just see each other once a week, and then we added in an occasional lunch during the workday, and lately we are working out together a couple of times a week, though we workout and then say goodbye right afterwards.

He is a widow with an 18 month old son. His wife died shortly after childbirth. Most of the reason we don’t see each other more often is that he wants to spend time with his son, which I admire. He is also a busy professional. I am also college-educated and have a career that I love. I have not yet met his son. We’ve taken things slowly, still just kissing. I have two questions.

1. I have been feeling that I want to be a bigger part of his life and I want to progress beyond kissing. I don’t know how to approach him about the latter. I don’t know if he isn’t ready or interested in that yet, or if he is still getting over his wife. They were together for 6 years, married for 2 of those years. I know the simple answer is to ask him but I don’t want to embarrass him or pressure him, and I’m perfectly willing to be patient if that is what he needs – I’d just like to know if he’s interested and get an understanding of how he feels about a closer relationship. I invited him over for a romantic dinner last night, with the intention of asking him about my questions. When I told him I wanted to be a bigger part of his life, he said he’d been feeling the same way and invited me to meet his son (which diverted the other discussion I had planned). We are planning to take him to the beach on Saturday, which leads me to my second question.

2. How can I make sure his son is comfortable and has fun? I know he’s a little on the shy side. He has been around women, including his grandmothers and aunts, but has never met anyone his father has dated. We are planning on bringing a few toys to the beach, including a sand pail, a shovel, and a small beach ball. We are also going to pack a lunch and some drinks. I love children and usually hit it off with them, but I haven’t been around them enough to know what an 18 month old might be like.

Patience is the answer here. There is no easy way to do this where there is a child involved. Children are very resilient and can adapt quite easily to changing situations. I really feel that the important thing here is to relax and be yourself. And don't expect too much. Simply go with the flow and allow the relationship to unfold. It takes time to get to know people. Don't expect everything to go great right at the beginning.

I loved your post-you come across as such a caring considerate person.trust your intuition- you ll get it right.all the best.

I second amicon's sentiment. You sound like a great person and are approaching him in absolutely the right way. Agreed that you should go with the flow.

I think you should be very patient and see where the relationship is going before you get to involved with his child. Children will get attached as do adults and that may complicate any future decisions you have to make. Going slowly, is what I would say, and relax, and enjoy the beach. Hope it goes well.

I want to thank all of you for your comments and kind words. I didn't mention in my post that we have wonderful phone conversations daily, either while his son is napping or after he goes to sleep at night. They are my favorite part of the day. Today, he said that once I meet his son and it goes well, which he feels confident it will, he wants to make that a regular occurrence. I love the idea of spending more time with him and getting to know his child, so I am wondering Talaniman if you might comment more about your suggestion of not getting too involved with the child. I've read many of your posts and value your thoughts. Thanks.

This guy sounds like just a class act. By what you write, he's very protective of his son, doesn't push or use you in anyway, makes time for you, even it is a phone call during the day. I can't really tell you about a time line and what should happen when, but just from the way he acts he's very careful about who he brings into his son's life as opposed to having a revolving door of women making the child grow up without any stability. This guy has his head on straight, and you appear to have yours on straight, if things aren't moving fast I think that actually plays into your favor as it strengthens you relationship long term. He likes you, so if this is the only thing "wrong" then I think you should continue to let it develop.

While you, and dad are clicking, take your time around his child, as he will respond in his own time and his own way. I think that's is as important as a relationship with dad.

This is something you, and his dad can chat about, and be on the same page. Just me, the best interest of the child has to be first, and with children, its about patience, and sacrifice, as well as love. No matter how long it takes. Be interested to know how it goes.

As someone who met and married a man with two young children, I can tell you that patience and taking it slowly are the key words here.

The thing to keep uppermost in your mind is that his priority and focus will be his son for quite a while. This man and his son come as a package. This can be difficult when you are swept up in the desire and longing that new relationships bring, and it is also hard in longer term relationships.

Lets us know how you get on.wishing you a happy life.

Thanks again to everyone for the advice and comments. Gemini, thanks for sharing your personal experience. I understand his child comes first and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I admire the fact that he has his priorities straight and that he is such a good father. It’s just one of the many reasons I am attracted to him.

I’m glad you all cautioned me to take it slow and relax with his son. His son was shy at first, sitting in his daddy’s lap and wanting to be cuddled. He kept looking at me and I’d smile at him, but he’d look away quickly. It became a game, and I couldn’t help but laugh as he is so cute. He ended up giggling too and then he opened up. We spent the next couple of hours playing with his toys and in the water. When we went back to their house, he was getting sleepy. He brought out a book for his dad to read to him. He kept glancing and smiling at me, and then he went and got a second book and gave it to me to read. I thought it was very sweet. Afterwards, he went down for a nap. When he woke up we spent some more time together, but we didn’t want to push it so I left before dinner. We all had a great time.

Next up, he invited me to come over Tuesday after work for a run (he pushes his son in a running stroller) and dinner, and also invited me to a family BBQ/pool party at his parents’ house on Saturday. We are also meeting to workout at the gym on Monday and Wednesday, and going out for dinner and dancing on Friday. I feel really good about everything, and will keep everything you all have said in mind. Thanks.

What more can you say. What a great guy.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by chuff

What more can you say. What a great guy.

---

I agree. :)

And what a nice young lady!good luck-happy life.

I wish I had issues like yours, as it sounds like a good time in your, and their lives.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

I wish I had issues like yours, as it sounds like a good time in your, and their lives.

---

Isn't that the truth. There having a good time, taking it slow, everything is going well. I'd take this situation over many of the ones I've been in.