Ok my son has lived on his own since the age of 19 he has 2 children and even though we live miles apart he has always been loving and going beyond for me he does drink a lot but even with the drinking would always tell me how he wish he could raise his kids like I raised him that I was a very good mother and used to say (in his 20s) that he was a mamas boy and didn't care what other people said. All of a sudden after 30 years old he just turned on me at my sisters house for no reason at all I was just sitting there and he started screaming at me and ever since he has been posting things on Facebook on how rotten and uncaring I am I cannot believe that this is the same son that was always close to me. Please if someone could give me some insight I would certainly appreciate it. He even badmouths me to my grandchildren whom I haven't seen at all since this has happen. I just try to ignore and hope it will go away. Maybe someone might have an answer. Thanks for listening anyway!

I was married to a diagnosed alcoholic - you said it all at the very beginning.

He drinks a lot.

I will agree with Judy, it is very possible his drinking has a lot to do with this, drunks often have issues with their personality and will change they way they treat others as their drinking progresses

And without knowing what the "nothing was " it is hard to say. Perhaps his wife got tired of him being a moma's boy and got him to stand up for his self.

It is very hurtful to have a son (or daughter) to suddenly turn on you, after having had a loving relationship with you, all of his life.

I would exhaust other possibilities before settling on the cause being alcoholism. And I wonder if he has changed in any other ways because of the drinking. Is he married, and have there been signs of problems in his marriage due to his drinking? Any money or debt problems? Job loss, trouble with the law?

The alcohol is a contributor most likely to this sudden change, but without knowing what you mean exactly about him being 'a heavy drinker', that could mean he drinks a lot according to you, but according to his point of view, he doesn't drink a lot. It is hard to say that his behaviour changes with drinking in other words, or his drinking changes his behaviour.

If he's having a rough time about something, and drinking more, it would be good for you to try to talk to him, or his wife (if there is one), and see if you can't find out what's going on.

If this is not acloholism, and he has suddenly and completely changed toward you, I doubt you are the only one. Severe changes in a persons personality can be caused by many things, and he is most likely changed toward other people as well.

If you could provide a bit more information, particularly on the drinking, and any steps he has taken, if he's taken any, to address that issue. As well, have there been any problems in the past such as depression.

Remaining silent at this stage of the game, and making presumptions as to what is causing it might be premature in my opinion.

Agree with Jake (out of greenie) BUT I think OP should "simply" (and I know it's not that simple) ASK him.

Easier than trying to figure it out!

I first want to thank all of you and jake I do believe what you say yes alcoholism is part of it but I don't think it's the whole thing. First of all he was in a rehab when he was 16 but I stress he was still loving and a good son to me never a bad word I tried to help him through it and did for the most part. He is not married he pays child support to his children's mother. He runs up debts and we have tried to help him and he also had dui in 1999 and then last year he had 2 of them a week apart to the day. My children and everyone complains about his drinking. It takes a lot for me to classify someone as an alcoholic my other 2 children try to help him and they have said the same thing about him. Ive tried talking to him and he just gets very rebellious and yes I can say he does every once in a while get bouts of depression. Ive asked him why he is like that and he don't quite answer me he starts yelling about why don't I leave him alone and stop getting on his case about his drinking my other 2 children have also at one time or another have gotten on his case about his attitude and drinking. I do believe drinking does have a part in this but I don't know if it's the whole ball of wax here. In this I haven't been silent I've confronted him about it but just won't get any answers. Thanking everyone for there input here. P.s. My ex husband (his father) was an alcoholic so I believe it might be hereditary too as he is taking on his fathers personality since he has gotten older.

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Originally Posted by WITCHHAZEL1955

i first want to thank all of you and jake i do believe what you say yes alcoholism is part of it but i dont think its the whole thing. First of all he was in a rehab when he was 16 but i stress he was still loving and a good son to me never a bad word i tried to help him through it and did for the most part. He is not married he pays child support to his childrens mother. He runs up debts and we have tried to help him and he also had dui in 1999 and then last year he had 2 of them a week apart to the day. My children and everyone complains about his drinking. It takes alot for me to classify someone as an alcoholic my other 2 children try to help him and they have said the same thing about him. Ive tried talking to him and he just gets very rebellious and yes i can say he does every once in a while get bouts of depression. Ive asked him why he is like that and he dont quite answer me he starts yelling about why dont i leave him alone and stop getting on his case about his drinking my other 2 children have also at one time or another have gotten on his case about his attitude and drinking. I do believe drinking does have a part in this but i dont know if its the whole ball of wax here. In this i havent been silent ive confronted him about it but just wont get any answers. Thanking everyone for there input here. P.s. My ex husband (his father) was an alcoholic so i believe it might be hereditary too as he is taking on his fathers personality since he has gotten older.

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Wow - in my opinion alcoholism is the root of many evils, depression being one of them.

I don't know what else you can do except be loving and supporting - and try not to let his words hurt you.

That paints a much clearer picture. It almost sounded so sudden that it may have been a head injury or something very serious, as a cause of the drastic change.

People with drinking problems, over time, exhibit more and more bad behaviour, for longer periods. You have seen this with the DUI's as an example. Along with the increase in the bad behaviour, is ageing. He gets older, still drinks excessively, and it takes longer to recover, with shorter sober times between. His metabolism changes, and an already taxed body takes a harder hit to repair and restore.

As the drinking continues, so too do those who love and care for him, continue to feed into exactly what he wants to hear- pressure, opinions, forced promises, because he has not only allowed himself to live behind the 8 ball, it is an even greater effort to make changes, and he chooses not to make those changes, so he needs good excuses.

The 'love' or 'tough love' ,only feeds his desire to drink more in order to face less. So while good intentioned, but not welcomed advice, is given, it really only fuels the fire of digging in his heels, and firing back, indeed making you (and his siblings to some degree), the cause of why he is the way he is, and thus he is driven to drink because of it.

So, because you drive him to drink, he can blame you for the position he is in now. That is why you see the hateful comments and nasty remarks. You just won't get off his back! And of course, I say that tongue in cheek, because it is not what you intended.

To accept his drinking and make it a necessary talking/scolding/admonishing point, will only keep the hateful burning fires going. Don't feed the fire.

Instead, set boundaries for him. The first one being he must be sober when he visits your home. Period. Do not engage in any sob stories, elaborate plans to change, or pitches for money or support while he does his best to 'get sober'. Instead, inform him gently but firmly that his drinking and lifestyle is no longer your business. He is an adult and he has to deal with it himself.

If you stick to that, and his siblings stick to that, not only are you allowing him to realize that he is running out of excuses to drink and complain and point the finger at everybody else for his misery, you take back your life, and you give him his.

There comes a time where you just can't keep beating your head against a brick wall, and expect to get results.

If you feel it would help, try counselling to gain a better understanding of how you can let go without feeling guilty, and what you need to do to find balance in what is helpful to your son, and what is not. His story is not unique, and any counsellor worth their salt can help you.

I have a son who was always nice towards me,. after he got married and took over his father,s business [we are divorced his father and I] he picks on me every time I'm in his company, which is not often!. he tells me off like a child and has done it in front of people,. I have asked why he does this and he says it's me,.

.last xmas [2012] his mother-in law noticed how much he picked on me which was good as I needed some one to notice this,.

.I wrote him an email soon after asking why does he show contempt towards me as if he hates me,, I went on to say I don't feel comfortable in his company as I'm always on egg shells all the time,,

,his wife replied as I had sent her a copy,, she defended him which was even worse,, she knows how he talks to me and has said at times if you don't want to let him get away with itlet him know!,

When I have let him know I have had her to back me up,. not this time,, she defended him,. I replied to her email saying it was her mother who noticed how he was picking on me and that is how it's always been,, I went on to tell her that she was not expected nor was I wanting her to reply,,

My son never replied and neither has she since I told her that hermother noticed this,, if I have lost all contacts with them because I spoke up I doubt there was much there in the first place,. hey have 2 lovely girls whom I'm close to,, but now I doubt I will get to see them,, I,m 10 minutes away by car and I'm 70 yrs old,,

You copied (sent a copy of your letter) to his wife? Why? It appears that you are turning this into a family issue. You sit him down face to face and ask him if he has a problem with you and, if so, why. I'd keep it calm and civil. You love him, his behavior hurts you.

He either answers or he doesn't, but at least you know how to proceed.

I think dragging his wife into your problem with your son is a big mistake, and you are "forcing" people to take sides - including your mother in law.

Is this about being right or getting this resolved?