I am currently a freshman in high school. I feel trapped in my young body as my mind has matured many years from my body. I have to take care of my 57 year old mother, and my grandparents. Everyone expects me to be perfect. Both sides of family (mom's and dad's) cause more drama then I can stand. My grandfather has oxygen, and my mother has told me he's probably going to die soon. My mother vents to me and cries on my shoulder. She's well overweight so I try to help her, as she has ASKED me to, and she yells at me for it. Most of the time, I feel like HER mother. I don't think it's fair to have a baby so you can have it take care of you. She had a knee replacement, and I was the one alone with her taking care of her. My mom's family ignores me, really, I can say Uncle Scott, Uncle Scott, Uncle Scott, and then tap him on the shoulder, and he won't respond. Same with all of them. My father's family is wonderful, but I never get to see any of them... EVER. I feel trapped. I feel like I have so many responsibilities of an adult, I even have to manage money or my mother will spend it all on junk, and then I don't get any pleasures. I've tried to kill myself twice already, then realized that was a stupid idea. I've drank before, it made me feel better for about 30 seconds. So I started just cutting to cut, and piercing things. I want out of my body, I want my freedom, but there's nothing I can do.

If you are in the U.S. please call this number: 1-800-448-3000.

You really need some live, one-on-one help with someone who you can really talk to.

If your aren't in the U.S. please tell us where you live. If we knew where you lived, we would be able to help you to find some help near to you.

You have way too heavy a burden to bear for someone who is so young. I hope that you have spoken with a counselor or maybe a favorite teacher at school whose opinion you trust. If you haven't tried that yet, I would do that. Also, I would be just as explicit with what you say to them in the same way that you have in your post on this site. If school is out for you, maybe you could speak with the parents of a close friend of yours. If you go to church, or even if you don't, approaching someone in leadership at a church could help you, or find someone who could. Someone will help.

You've got a good head on your shoulders. Obviously, you know how to use it to make rational decisions as you have already done. Please do not continue to harm yourself. That is an irrational decision if you do continue to do that.

You will get through this hard time in your life. You will get help. Just keep trying.

From the following site: Teen & Parent Crisis Hotline - Suicide, Depression, School & Abuse Help

Girls and Boys Town National Hotline
1-800-448-3000
(TTY 1-800-448-1833)

Call With any Problem, Anytime
Open 24 hours a day, everyday
The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is a 24-hour crisis, resource and referral line. Trained counselors can respond to your questions every day of the week, 365 days a year. We can help teens and parents with suicide prevention, depression, school issues, parenting troubles, runaways, relationship problems, physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, chemical dependency, anger and much more.

Any problem anytime... the Girls and Boys Town National Hotline is here to help. In 2006, nearly 450,000 children and families were helped through the Girls and Boys Town National Hotline, and over the past decade, more than 7 million callers have found help at the end of the line.
Confidentiality Notice: * Due to the unsecured nature of email, The Girls and Boys Town National Hotline cannot guarantee the confidentiality or the privacy of your e-mail. Please be aware that a third party could intercept your message or our response. If this is a concern for you, you may contact a Hotline counselor directly by calling 1-800-448-3000.

Thank you for your response, but I'm afraid that wouldn't work. My mother looks at the phone bills, she knows where I go, how could I explain a counselor? That would make life harder. Sorry, I just don't know how to make it work. Again, thank you so much for responding.

Calling an 800 number would not normally show up on a phone bill, at least not where I live.

You explain your situation to a counselor very much like you did in your original question. Counselors in school are there to help you, and they are free. Even if you might be out of school right now (I don't know), I'll bet you could call the school and let them know that you really need to speak with your counselor, or any counselor for that matter, if yours is not available, that whoever you speak with in the school office would be willing to put you in touch with a counselor.

If you don't want to keep living the way that you are, then I don't understand why you will not seek out the help of someone with whom you could speak with in person or over the phone.

Again, as I mentioned in my original response to you, it would help to know at least in what country you live so that the advise to you could be channeled according to where you live.

No worries, I emailed them instead. I found the button. Thank you for your help.

As I read about your situation I cry. I know exactly how you feel. When I was 17 I shared a room with my mom and my two younger siblings in a homeless shelter and other random places. The whole time I took care of my younger brother and sister and was the shoulder for my mother to cry on. It's so hard and sometimes it feels like the bad days are never going to end but they do. You really just have to be strong and always remember that God would not give you anything that you can't handle. He may close a door but if you look hard enough you might just find the window he left open. Only a few more years and you will be 18 and you will be able to move out. And when I say move out I don't mean you have to abandon your family but the space and the freedom will benefit you in every way possible.

Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this world.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by I_Live_In_A_Glass_Box

Thanks, it's nice to know I'm not alone in this world.

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Most def not! I had a really bad first 18 years of life so anytime you just need some advice from someone who has been there just write me and I will try and help you out because it's rough being alone in a world that you carry on your shoulders.

Thanks, I think I'll take you up on that

I am not a man of faith and am a good person none the less, I have a habit that has gotten me into trouble as many times as it has gotten me out. My habit is if something is hurting me I take care of it pronto, if you are at the point you can actually cut yourself you have reached the point of "I need to really start looking after myself now". That is a place I have seen people go to, and I have seen them get better. You act like you fear what would happen if you stopped to seek help for yourself. If the people that you help love you they would understand. I've seen what happens when the crutch grows tired and takes a break. Everyone that wasn't there before shows up to start helping and even the wounded become more independent. I believe that if you were to take a time off this burden it may actually help more than just you.

If you go on to dig this hole and make yourself more depressed and more trapped in a body shell, and the cutting you will not be mentally well enough to look after yourself or loved ones. I hope you do not wait till grad or after grad to take positive steps. Cutting is a very serious effect to what is usually a temporary problem. Real cutters don't cut for attention or for the pain, real cutters cut for the satisfaction of being in control of something. You can control your life by making changes. By putting your foot down harder and saying "ITS YOUR TURN UNCLE SCOTT!!!" and then leave to dads for a bit or even a very long bit. You need to talk to someone. And what ever you do not become a martyr, because a cutting martyr is a dangerous combination.


IT'S FUNNY -- how hello is always accompanied with goodbye. IT'S FUNNY -- how good memories can start to make you cry. IT'S FUNNY -- how forever never seems to really last. IT'S FUNNY -- how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past. IT'S FUNNY -- how friends can just leave you when you're down. IT'S FUNNY -- how when you need someone, they're never around. IT'S FUNNY -- how people change and think they're so much better. IT'S FUNNY -- how many lies can be packed in one “love letter". IT'S FUNNY -- how people can forgive even though they can't forget. IT'S FUNNY -- how one night can contain so much regret. IT'S FUNNY -- how ironic life turns out to be. But the funniest part of all... None of that seems funny to me.

Very thoughtful answer above!

I was hoping that this discusion would continue further. Sad

I am still very concerned and would love an update. It would be really nice to see how you are doing??

I cut to, it's nice to know there is more people like me!