My partner and I are both 35 and have been together nearly 4 years. We live together. In the beginning, we had a fantastic sex life, but it the last year, he has rarely wanted sex - about once every 6 weeks. I have what I consider to be a normal sex drive, and am really struggling. Whenever I've bought the subject up, he has said "not to read into it too much" and that he has no sex drive. I appreciate he has a stressful job, but he has been in this job the whole time we've been together. There are no issues about illness, medication, bereavement, money etc. Whenever I try to initiate sex he just says no. I've tried the sexy underwear, offered massages etc but to no avail. He does not have difficulty maintaining an erection or premature ejaculation etc. I've also tried backing off for a bit, but he still doesn't initiate sex. I have asked if he is getting it elsewhere - he said not, and has also said he is not using internet porn. He's very affectionate, we have lots of hugs etc but that's not enough for me. I'm beginning to lose confidence sexually, despite the fact that I'm fairly attractive/fit/healthy. Any suggestions?

Get him to a doctor... there is something wrong, it could be an undiagnosed medical condition, or it could be depression, but its something.

If you feel that you are trying all that you can think of to please him and you still feel like it is working to no avail, I would highly suggest sexual counseling. Your libidos could possibly be functioning at different levels, I would seek professional help just to insure that there are no other pre-existing sexual issues. Maybe he is into some sexual practice that he does not yet feel comfortable expressing. Perhaps he'd like to initiate the sex as he feel emasculated by you doing so. Who knows what the issue is. I do feel that it could be one based on communication and that a quick stint with a sex therapist who could show you new tricks, tips, and secrets could be the very thing you both need to take your physical relationship to the next level. Whatever it is, I certainly do hope the you find the key.

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