Ask Me Help Desk - Can a straight woman fall for a lesbian?

I'm a 24 year old lesbian and I am in like with a straight woman. We work for the same company but in different departments. When we're among other people she has made comments such as; "actually me an *insert my name* have alot in common, if I were a lesbian she would be mine" Since then we have hung out and I've met her son when we went to the zoo. She is single and I feel as though we have some sort of a connection, perhaps even flirtatious energy. I'm wondering what to do, because the more I see her the more I become emotionally attached. Is it possible for a straight girl to fall for a gay girl? How should I approach this sitution, without coming on too strong? Any advise/feedback on this topic is appreciated. - :confused:

She maybe bi-curios?

I used to consider myself straight, but lately I've been telling people bisexual because yes, I do believe a straight woman can fall for a lesbian. I had never felt attracted in a romantic way to a woman in my life, though I did find women attractive and enjoyed lesbian porn on occasion. However, the thought of actually being with a women never crossed my mind until few summers ago when I was working in South Carolina and met a wonderful young woman. She was what I guess can be called a stud, an African-American woman who dressed like a man, but she was beautiful and we created a pretty strong connection. After a while, we got along so well and had so much in common that innnocent conversation became flirting and much more before the end of the summer. Until that point I considered myself straight. Now I feel you can't help who you like and that having a relationship with someone of a different sexual orientation is completely possible if the connection is strong enough. Just tell her and if she's open she'll let you know. If not, hopefully she will be understanding enough that you can still continue to be friends. But being honest is the only true way you'll find out.

Yes I think "straight" women can fall in like/love with a lesbian... because I think many "straight" women are just scared to admit an attraction to women... and MANY women are bi or bi-curious... (I didn't say all so don't yell at me.)

I know if I found the right woman or if the right woman found me... I'd explore that further... LOL

I think she is more interested in the IDEA of being with a woman, more than really being with one. Maybe it is an ego boost to know that she has your attention and it feels good to her knowing that you like her. She is playing around with you and maybe is a little physically attracted to you, but that doesn't and won't make her TURN into a lesbian. She might enjoy having sex with you or hanging out with you, but that doesn't make her a lesbian. IF she wants a long term relationship and wants to solely be with a woman, THAT would be considered a lesbian. Otherwise, she is just experimenting with her sexual feelings of arousal by being with a woman, or around one that is attracted to her.

Be careful, it seems as if you are getting too attached. YOu must realize that this may be a purely physical attraction and you might come away from this friendship feeling used... Don't get too caught up or too close because keeping a little distance might be safer for you, and your heart..

But the question wasn't whether she will become a lesbian... the question was could a straight woman fall for a lesbian.

I've seen it happen... so I still say yes... even though she may still have an attraction to men at times ;)

And my answer was, she may want a physical relationship with a lesbian, but that doesn't mean she will turn into one.. Falling for a lesbian means what to you? To me it means wanting to be in a relationship with that person. A physical attraction, or acting on it, doesn't constitute a relationship and I think this person has their hopes up for something that will only disappoint her later. If someone is gay, then they have always been gay, they don't just change because they feel turned on by someone.

"If someone is gay, then they have always been gay, they don't just change because they feel turned on by someone."

Really? Do you not know any one person that was in a heterosexual relationship... maybe even until they were 30 or 40 and NEVER experimented with the same sex... but once they entered in to a same sex relationship, they decided it was for them?

I have known several people that never even considered being lesbian or gay until they decided to date someone of the same sex. I even know a man who at the age of 52 decided that he'd rather be a woman... he only started to think about it a few years earlier, had been married for 20+ years and had full grown children. I also have a friend that was a lesbian all throughout high school until at around the age of 25 she a met a man she fell in love with...

So I don't think it is true that a person can't or won't "change teams" because they realize they are attracted to someone else.

I think it is VERY possible for a persons desires to change throughout their life. Some may be fleeting and some may have a permanent impact on who they are.

I also think it is possible to fall for someone and not enter to a physical relationship with that person based on fear. Doubt, (enter your own reason here)...

So unless they have a conversation, I don't think either one of them will know what the chances are of having a full "relationship"...

Just make a minor move on her and see what her reaction is. That will bring the whole issue to a head, and you can get some facts and either end all your speculation or consider starting a sexual relationship with her.

At an appropriate time, just tweak one of her nipples through her clothes and see what happens... If she was all talk, nothing more will happen. :)

Good Luck,

Quote:

Originally Posted by Choux

Just make a minor move on her and see what her reaction is. That will bring the whole issue to a head, and you can get some facts and either end all your speculation or consider starting a sexual relationship with her.

At an appropriate time, just tweak one of her nipples through her clothes and see what happens.....If she was all talk, nothing more will happen. :)

Good Luck,

LOL... nipple tweaking? ;) that was good for a giggle

Really? Do you not know any one person that was in a heterosexual relationship... maybe even until they were 30 or 40 and NEVER experimented with the same sex... but once they entered in to a same sex relationship, they decided it was for them?

So I don't think it is true that a person can't or won't "change teams" because they realize they are attracted to someone else.

I think it is VERY possible for a persons desires to change throughout their life. Some may be fleeting and some may have a permanent impact on who they are.

I also think it is possible to fall for someone and not enter in to a physical relationship with that person based on fear. doubt, (enter your own reason here)....

So unless they have a conversation, I don't think either one of them will know what the chances are of having a full "relationship"...[/QUOTE]

I actually do know someone, MY MOTHER. She was a nun before she met my dad and a virgin. She was married for 12 years and then divorced him and left to go live in another state to start over with her girlfriend. I know more than you assume and I guess you didn't really see what I meant, except that you don't agree with my opinion.

Further, she realized what she always KNEW which was that she had an attraction to girls during her teenage years and never acted upon them. She didn't act on any sexual urges as a teen, but that didn't mean the attraction to women wasn't already there. MY point was that most women and men, are aware of feelings they have had in the past, or when they were younger. Whether it was that they didn't feel comfortable in their own body, or they always felt turned on by someone of the same sex, they had an awareness of being different than just "straight", all along. Now this is a self proclaimed "straight" girl that this woman is attracted to and has feelings for and unless this "straight" woman explicitly reveals whether she has been attracted to women before, the chances of that being a permanent thing, is slim. OF course a conversation has to take place in order for that to be determined. I didn't say don't talk to her about it, I said be careful so that you don't set yourself up for disappointment and unrealistic expectations, down the road.

Yes an infatuation can be something that happens with anyone, regardless of gender, age or color. HOWEVER, in order to fall for someone and want to be with them, there must be somewhere that those feelings have originated from and maybe never have been acted upon. Maybe the feelings are now so strong that they cannot ignore them and must make any change or adjustment to fulfill that desire to be with someone. You don't just "change teams," you simply never accepted the fact you wanted to be on the other one. Some people cannot be put into simple generalizations and I am not saying that this girl does.

My understanding of this is, is that she enjoys the attention and is flirtatious by nature and is curious about something she has never done. That doesn't constitute falling for anyone, nor should anyone assume that she will, unless and until they discover that by communicating how they both feel. I told the OP to be cautious and protect yourself from being used just for the fun or thrill of something different.

Sorry shattered if you took my response the wrong way... I did not assume anything about you and I don't totally disagree with you...

And there at the end I was expressing if they don't talk about it... then nothing may come of it.

:)

I understand and I agree. Even if they don't talk about it, something physical could happen. However, then neither person will really be clear about what it means. That could happen in any relationship and doesn't matter whether you are gay or straight. Her best bet is to to honest and forthcoming about how she feels and then leave it to the other person to do the same.

Thank you everyone for great input. I appreciate everyone's perspective and advise :)

A straight girl can totally fall for a gay girl, I would have considered myself straight.. completely, no feelings at all.. til I started working with and became friends with a gay girl. We then became close friends but neither of us ever thought anything in the way of sexual thoughts until I woke up in her bed.
it can definatly happen!! I would say though in regards what to do now.. play it cool if its going to happen it will, if ye have an emotional connection this flirtatious side of it will either fizzle out and you'll wonder how you ever thought it.. or you'll wake up beside her :) my advice: take it easy you don't want to lose someone who seems like they could be a good thing in your life regardless of the role she plays.
Best of luck

Female sexuality is amazingly different. Hearing women say, "yeah I used to think of myself as straight but then I might go for her" is so unlike the way men talk that I just have to laugh. But hey, I love diversity.

But one question for the poster: do you dislike men or gay men in particular? The reason I ask is I've noticed some lesbian women (not so much the mullet type lesbians with the pitt bull attitude and the DHL t-shirts) are fairly friendly with me - standoffish of course- but not hostile. Still, some really seem to hate men- even gay men like myself.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cadillac59

Female sexuality is amazingly different. Hearing women say, "yeah I used to think of myself as straight but then I might go for her" is so unlike the way men talk that I just have to laugh. But hey, I love diversity.

But one question for the poster: do you dislike men or gay men in particular? The reason I ask is I've noticed some lesbian women (not so much the mullet type lesbians with the pitt bull attitude and the DHL t-shirts) are fairly friendly with me - standoffish of course- but not hostile. Still, some really seem to hate men- even gay men like myself.

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Jees you have such a way with words...

Quote:

Originally Posted by neverme

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jees you have such a way with words...

I never knew any lesbians in the past but my formally favorite gay bar seemed to have turned overnight into a lesbian bar and, having been there just the last few weekends, I've chatted with a few of the women and some of them were kind of nice. I like watching them play pool. I always steered away from lesbians in the past since they seem so different but I'm a bit more comfortable around them now. Of course, the really butch ones are a little scary - like German Shepherd guard dogs around their girlfriends (you know those with the wallets attached with a chain to their pants) but the others or kind of nice.

Quote:

Originally Posted by cadillac59

I never knew any lesbians in the past but my formally favorite gay bar seemed to have turned overnight into a lesbian bar and, having been there just the last few weekends, I've chatted with a few of the women and some of them were kind of nice. I like watching them play pool. I always steered away from lesbians in the past since they seem so different but I'm a bit more comfortable around them now. Of course, the really butch ones are a little scary - like German Shepherd guard dogs around their girlfriends (you know those with the wallets attached with a chain to their pants) but the others or kind of nice.

Would you accept it if a straight person decided to brand all gay people with the stereotypes you are putting on lesbians here... really not cool! You should learn some acceptance of the way other people, regardless of their sexuality, decide to express themselves in reference to the german shepard comment. Maybe the women you have met that happen to be gay and es, were in fact just es all along who also happen to like women?!