Married one month and not happy
I need some advice please.
My husband and I have been married for exactly 1 month today and I?m not happy. A bit of history: we met in August 2008, moved in together in Sep 2008, got engaged in April 2011 and had the most amazing wedding Sep 2011. The first year of our relationship was the most exciting, physical and intimate year of my entire life. We had sex at least 4-5 times per week, sometimes twice in one day. It was exhilarating, fun, we spiced things up, had quickies, sent each other naughty emails and text messages. We couldn?t keep our hands off each other. And when we kissed (even if it was just to say good bye as we leave for work), it was always a French, tongue twisting, passionate kiss that would usually get us horny, so we would think about it all day. That was year one.
After that, it the amount of sex we had started dwindling. I was lucky if I got it once a week. I?ve brought it up a few times, but I always felt like I was being a nag. I?m a sexual being and I?m horny most of the time. I love sex and I love pleasuring my partner.
At the beginning of our relationship he was the one who said that sex was an important part of any relationship. I must add here that he is a big computer gamer. This is his hobby and has been since University. I was OK with that at the beginning, until the sex stopped and his gaming was more important. He would come home from work, head straight to the computer to game, and his hobby keeps his busy until midnight at least. I?m in bed by 10pm and even on the nights when I want to have sex, I would stay up late, but by the time he comes to bed he?s too tired and falls straight to sleep.
We get along famously on everything else in our lives. We hardly argue and we have a very solid relationship. Except that he doesn't?t initiate intimacy anymore. Over the last 2 years he has gained weight. He stopped smoking and this has lead to him putting on quite a bit of weight. And I?m not sure if this is the reason for his lack of interest in sex. The last few months have been the worst. We have sex maybe three times in a month. He doesn't?t kiss me with the same passion he used to. Every time he kisses me, it?s pecks on the lips. There?s no more tonsil hockey. He doesn't?t touch me like her used to.
My husband has a very demanding job and most nights he?s really exhausted from work. I come home from work every night and cook dinner. We watch some TV after dinner and then he goes off to his hobby. I would inevitably go off to bed and the cycle would continue all week. The weekends are even worse. We used to wake up late and have morning sex. Sometimes we would take an afternoon nap and have sex. I can?t remember the last time the sun was shining and we had sex. He wakes up now hours before I do, and once I get up, I find him sitting behind his computer.
http://hannah-mojo.blogspot.com
Anyway, we have now been married 1 month and I don?t know what to do. Everyone told me that the sex would be incredible and we won?t be able to keep our hands off each other the first 6 months. But now I?m starting to feel that these 6 months they are talking about has already been used up in our first year together. We had sex on our wedding night and the morning after, but I didn't?t enjoy it as much. We had sex a week later and it was dull at best (and this only happened because I was drunk). Another week later I went out for drinks with a few girlfriends and came home and took him to bed. I feel like firstly I do all the initiating and he doesn't?t bother. And secondly, I feel like I do all the work when we?re having sex. I?m always on top, I?m always pleasuring him. It?s become more of a chore for me. I walk around the house half naked most days and he shows no interest. I sat him a few days ago and talked to him about it and he doesn't?t have an answer for me. He can?t tell me why he has lost his sex drive.
What do I do?
Is it me? Do I need to change?
What can I do to make him more attracted to me or to at least raise his interest in sex?
