I texted another girl and my girlfriend won't forgive me
My girlfriend and I were really good friends before we started dating and she's the first girl I've been with in 5 years. One of the girls from my other job got my number and began texting me. I was quite flattered and didn't take into consideration my girlfriends feelings when I responded back. I wasn't thinking so I made the mistake of being as open in my responses as I was with my current girlfriend. Before her and I started dating,when she was still curious about me. I'm a very open person and being single for so long never really cared much about what information people had about me. So I responded the same way I always had, honestly. When my girlfriend read the texts she was really really hurt by my responses. I feel and felt really terrible. I will probably never forgive myself for hurting her, but I meant nothing by it and was just going along and being my open self. I wasn't thinking about how my girlfriend would react if she found out. I didn't try to hide it, I had no secrets with her, I just had the mindset that its no big deal. In hindsight, I was wrong. I should have shut this other girl down immediately and told I had a girlfriend and her line of questioning was inappropriate. But I didn't and the damage is done. She no longer trusts me and I don't think she ever will again. She has since broken up with me citing lack of sparks, and not really being into me that much. Then I saw her one night a couple of weeks later and she drunk, so I go say hi to her and give her a hug and she immediately starts to kiss me. Then starts asking why I did it and why did I text this other girl. I explained the situation to her again and again apologized. Long story short, I stayed the night with her, told her I loved her and pretty much laid my heart and emotions on the table. Came to her house the next day with a huge bouquet and talked to her about the previous night. She gave me some other excuses about why we couldn't be together,(she's moving, she wants to be independent, she has issues she needs to work on) she also says almost to herself that no ones ever treated her with so much respect and she is afraid something bad will happen. I say the only way something bad is going to happen is if you make it happen.She also says, I only like her so much because she's the first girl I've been with in so long. I disagreed with her and told her why I was with her, because she was the first girl in 5 years I wanted to be with. So I kiss her and leave. Next day at work, she says no ones ever bought her flowers before. So when I get off work, I go to the flower store and buy her a bunch more flowers and leave them on her doorstep. When she gets home, she calls and says she never should have said she loved me and she didn't have those feelings for me and she felt guilty for accepting the flowers. So I accept it, thank her for being honest and tell her I have more respect for her for being so honest and resolve to move on. A day later she texts me and tells me she hates not talking to me, to which I respond, "I love you and I miss you and the last month you shut me out put me through hell and I'm sorry for not being a better boyfriend etc..." She responds "I'm hurting too and I miss you too" So we talk for 4 hrs on the phone and she says she wants to give me a chance, but it doesn't mean we are getting back together. I'm fine with that, she was my best friend while we were dating. I stay the night at her house a couple of days later and the next day she is cold to me. I start pushing for a relationship and I knew I shouldn't have but my feelings got the best of me and I really upset her. Again she tells me that relationships are too much work, she isn't attracted to me anymore and there is no spark. Now she wants me to sleep with other girls and tell her if I still feel the same way about her after I do that. She want me to tell her when I sleep with another girl. She said I might like her reaction. I don't want to sleep another girl, I'm still in love with this one. She said I only like her this much because she's the first girl I've been with in 5 years. I like her this much because of how good of a person she is. I waited 6 months to make a move on her, after we had been really good friends and got to know each other. I made a mistake I didn't realize I was making and knowing I hurt her kills me. Is there anything I can do? So far the only thing I can come up with is to leave her alone and move on with my life, so that is what I'm doing.
Any input is appreciated.