I walked in on my husband masturbating the other night. I was so pissed I mean I totally understand that most people masturbate but here's the thing my kids were asleep and I was there downstairs. I could've easily had sex with him instead of him taking that route. So then I'm left feeling like crap like what's wrong with me? He says I blew way out of proportion but he didn't reassure me that there's nothing wrong with me. He did'nt say that he was attracted to me or anything along those lines any suggestions?

I think your over reacting. Everyone masturbates.

I just said I understand that everyone does it! Does this mean that he's not into our marriage?

Yup, you are overreacting. Everyone masturbates, and if they don't they should. ;)

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Originally Posted by jjlash

Does this mean that he's not into our marriage?

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Not at all. Sometimes men need to release some stress, this is the easy way to do it. Has nothing to do with you.

I think your point is why not just ask you instead of doing it by himself.

Im not a man but I think that moment, he may just want to realease and doesn't necessarily want to go through that kissing and foreplays before the bomb.

Yes thank you that was what I was trying to get across we don't always go through all the foreplay because we have two small children and sometimes we just want to get off real fast before one of them wakes up

Girl, if you knew how long it's been since I had sex, you would have a heart attack, and it's not cause I have small children (only one little one and a teen left at home), but because I work 7pm - 7am and my husband works almost the exact opposite.

Sure, I've caught him masturbating, I just close the door and walk out. It's his time. He's caught me too. And we have a VERY healthy marriage. Marriage isn't all about sex, it's about partnership, friendship, love, compassion and understanding. Sex plays a small part.

Guess what, most of us do it-and often! With a response you gave to him, I am not surprised he wanted some time for HIMSELF. Lighten up, perhaps if you do so-he would want to be with you a bit more often.

Perhaps you could have offered to do it for him, join in or just let him be. I don't know, just back off with the "disgust and shock" so much.

Just ask him then and believe whatever he says. Say like " Why don't you just call me so we both can have fun?" then wink.

Whatever you hear, do not bring it up again.

All it means is you were down stairs and he was up stairs,
I guess instead of getting mad why you did not just join him at the time. You are making way too much out of this,

I hear you saying that this incident caused you to wonder about your desirability. That makes sense. He didn't give much feedback. But then, he may have felt not only surprised but attacked while plenty of blood was in the little head, not in the thinking part.

People are sexual. When my husband masturbates I often feel left out. Sometimes I help him, or join him. Usually I just smile and back away, find something else to do. Men need space in a different way than women do, in general.

It's better for me to ask later if he still finds me desirable. Of course he does! Suggest mutual masturbation sometime, and see what he says. Accept that he is a sexual person, separate from you. The fact that you two get together frequently, with mutual satisfaction is awesome!

It is very normal to maturbated yourself... sometimes men need a little alone time...

Personally I've not done so unless my wife was out of town visiting family in 14 years. I preffer her to Rosey Palmer and her sisters. But that's just me.

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Originally Posted by jjlash

Does this mean that he's not into our marriage?

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Take this with the utmost respect and concern...

Why would you if you love your husband and he loves you think that something like masturbation is some sign he isn't into your marriage? In my opinion this type of insecurity is more dangerous to a relationship then a lot of other things.. including the topic.

Do I get a little irritated when I know my lover has used her cute pink vibe to pleasure herself and not me? Sure. A little.

But honestly... sometimes being a "problem solver" has nothing to do with neglect.

That my lover gets herself off without me isn't the end of the world. That I get there without her isn't as well. His body is his... if he had a moment of indulgence so be it... it happens.

Cut the guy some slack.

If life in the bedroom is less than you wish, first, welcome to reality... its common to be less than perfectly satiated. But if he's bordering or has crossed the "neglectful" line, feel free to plant a boot up his arse.

It is absolutely normal for an adult to self stim, even when a willing partner is in the next room.

But long term neglect is another thing...

So... are there issues in the bedroom?

Jj,

Every person needs and wants 'private space' of their own. Sometimes masturbation just fits a person's mood and desire for a simple uncomplicated release.

This has nothing to do with you or your attractiveness. There is no reason to feel less of a woman or slighted. You don't need to compete with his hand.

If you need to reinforce your confidence as a woman, expand your sexual consciousness by reading a good book about female sexuality and practice having orgasms and fantasies.

Very best wishes,

Clearly we do not view his actions on this forum as a problem....

So, some questions just to be clear:

1. do you trust him?
2. does he like porn and you do not?
3. has he ever cheated? Flirted too much?
4. did your relationship start in a normal fashion (no one married)?
5. Is he distant?

Let's take a look at this and then see what you have... may be systemic of your relationship or it may be nothing..

It's a normal thing to do,
I can see why your upset abut the 'children could have walked in' part, but in all honesty, it's not the end of the world, the amount of times I've walked in on my mother with her boyfriend...

But yeah, don't bring it up again

Instead why don't you let him catch you?
Spice things up abit ;)

As posted, every man mostly mastuburate even after his intercourse...

It may be a phychological satisfaction to them...

So.. nothing wrong on it that your hubby do so?

No need to worry on that..

Wishes to you

Masturbation is the one time where you don't have to worry about performance. If he went to you for sex he'd have to worry about whether your in the mood or not. And if you are, he'd have to worry about your pleasure and your needs. And sometimes people aren't in the mood for that. He's got to worry about foreplay. He's got to worry about whether you are turned on and, if you're not, he has to worry about getting you turned on. He has to tweak all of your spots and he has to (or wants to) make sure you have an orgasm so that he knows that he did a good job. Your husband realizes you are no sperm dumpster. He can't just stick it in and get what he wants. When he has sex with you, he probably wants you to feel just as good as he does. So take it as a compliment. He cares about you so much to the point where he'll only have sex with you when he's willing to put in the time to please his sweet, lovely wife. If he's going to have sex with you, he's going to do it right.

And, no offense, but he knows all his best spots better than you. He knows what speed is best. How tight to grip it and where to rub and what to play with. When you just want an orgasm, it's best to go it alone anyway.