Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend looks at porn. What do I do?

Hi, I've looked up suggestions to this before and I just haven't been able to come up with a solution that works. My boyfriend looks at porn... not often (at least not that I know of) and it drives me crazy. I've tried to watch it with him, and sometimes I don't mind. But even me watching it with him doesn't stop him from watching it or looking at it on his own. We live together but I work during the day and every time I come home and use the computer, he has erased the history on it (I'm not necessarily snooping, sometimes I use the history function to go to old pages I want to look at). I've told him plenty of times that it drives me crazy that he looks at porn and he says that he doesn't, flat out denies it, even when I've started to type in a website in the browser and porn sites come up he'll say that he hasn't looked at it. I hate the lying (even though he does it so that I don't get mad at him) and I hate feeling so insecure about myself. I'm skinny and not very well endowed so I know that I don't compare at all to those girls... it makes me feel so inadequate and makes me not want to have sex because I feel as if he'd rather be with those girls than with me. What should I do? I've tried watching it with him and while that does spice up our sex life, it doesn't stop him from looking at it on his own. Why would he need to do this? Please help me, it's really upsetting me...

Let's see. You have already complained to him about it. He has lied to you. You know that he is still doing it. You are living together and share the same computer. He has tried to hide what he has done.

Maintaining relationships and living with another person takes positive effort on the part of both parties. One very strong point to that is trust. It doesn't really sound like you can trust him. If he really cares for you and loves you, then he is not trying to maintain the relationship with you, but is seeking satisfaction elsewhere. If he really cared for and loved you, then he would stop what he is doing.

I know that you don't want to here this. And, that you are looking for a way to keep the relationship going. But, I would think that the bottom line would be that either he shapes up or the two of you should part company.

What he is doing could lead to him actually cheating on you. In a sense, he already is if he is using the pornography on his own.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aqua32

Hi, I've looked up suggestions to this before and I just haven't been able to come up with a solution that works. My boyfriend looks at porn... not often (at least not that I know of) and it drives me crazy. I've tried to watch it with him, and sometimes I don't mind. But even me watching it with him doesn't stop him from watching it or looking at it on his own. We live together but I work during the day and everytime I come home and use the computer, he has erased the history on it (I'm not necessarily snooping, sometimes I use the history function to go to old pages I want to look at). I've told him plenty of times that it drives me crazy that he looks at porn and he says that he doesn't, flat out denies it, even when I've started to type in a website in the browser and porn sites come up he'll say that he hasn't looked at it. I hate the lying (even though he does it so that I don't get mad at him) and I hate feeling so insecure about myself. I'm skinny and not very well endowed so I know that I don't compare at all to those girls... it makes me feel so inadequate and makes me not want to have sex because I feel as if he'd rather be with those girls than with me. What should I do? I've tried watching it with him and while that does spice up our sex life, it doesn't stop him from looking at it on his own. Why would he need to do this? Please help me, it's really upsetting me...

Well, to be quite frank, I would let him catch me looking at porn and see how he reacts to it. You will be able to pick it up whether he is guilty or not---whether he believes it is wrong to look at porn. It's worth a shot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by aqua32

Hi, I've looked up suggestions to this before and I just haven't been able to come up with a solution that works. My boyfriend looks at porn... not often (at least not that I know of) and it drives me crazy. I've tried to watch it with him, and sometimes I don't mind. But even me watching it with him doesn't stop him from watching it or looking at it on his own. We live together but I work during the day and everytime I come home and use the computer, he has erased the history on it (I'm not necessarily snooping, sometimes I use the history function to go to old pages I want to look at). I've told him plenty of times that it drives me crazy that he looks at porn and he says that he doesn't, flat out denies it, even when I've started to type in a website in the browser and porn sites come up he'll say that he hasn't looked at it. I hate the lying (even though he does it so that I don't get mad at him) and I hate feeling so insecure about myself. I'm skinny and not very well endowed so I know that I don't compare at all to those girls... it makes me feel so inadequate and makes me not want to have sex because I feel as if he'd rather be with those girls than with me. What should I do? I've tried watching it with him and while that does spice up our sex life, it doesn't stop him from looking at it on his own. Why would he need to do this? Please help me, it's really upsetting me...

Don't fret over being skinny, I prefer a skinny girl to a meaty one. And breast size isn't important to me.

My wife is skinny and an A cup, and I'm happy with her. I do look at porn and it has nothing to do with how I view her at all.

So he watches porn at times... big deal DO you ever spend the day at the clothing store looking at outfit after outfit for hours. Do you drag the poor guy along till his brain atrophies? Or do you go alone? Just how is this different.

I'd say lighten up about it, I can guarantee you that there are things you do that bothers him that he doesn't complain about. If he spent hours upon hours every day that might be different.

My boyfriend looks at porn constantly. He had admitted it to I also was upset at first. Now I just look at as well I have a great sex life. So maybe it did help. I am doing things I never would have thought of ( except anal that's just gross ).

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Originally Posted by Hello Out There

my bf looks at porn constantly. he had admitted it to i also was upset at first. Now i just look at as well i have a great sex life. So maybe it did help. I am doing things i never would have thought of ( except anal thats just gross ).

Anal is far from gross... its great, and I have known more than a couple women throughout my life that will back me up on that, including my wife.

When my husband and I were dating, he looked at porn on the computer also. I must say at first it really bothered me, I would think "Is there something they have, that I dont, that he would rather have...etc." We talked about it, he still looked at it... and now that we are married... I know he looks, but it has made him a better lover, and sometimes... we even watch it together, and I just tell myself... hello... he married me, not some porn star with big boobs... he choose me for a reason... so what if he likes to watch girls with a lot of makeup having sex... as long as at the end of the day... I am the one he's having sex with, its fine with me.

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Originally Posted by ang8318

When my husband and I were dating, he looked at porn on the computer also. I must say at first it really bothered me, I would think "Is there something they have, that I dont, that he would rather have...etc." We talked about it, he still looked at it...and now that we are married...i know he looks, but it has made him a better lover, and sometimes...we even watch it together, and I just tell myself...hello...he married me, not some porn star with big boobs...he choose me for a reason...so what if he likes to watch girls with a lot of makeup having sex...as long as at the end of the day... I am the one hes having sex with, its fine with me.

Like I remind my wife... she frets about her little boobs... I keep reminding her many women with big boobs would have them peaking out from under their blouses without a bra by their 50's and 60's. While she in her early 40's now still are as perky as the average 14 year old.

Plus she doesn't have back pains those toting double D beauties have.

Yeah, I married her for who she was, I'm happy with how she still looks. Got to respect a woman that takes that good of care about themselves. SHe looks good enough at 43 I still encourage her to wear string bikini's at the beach... and she looks darn good in one, no flab anywhere. No pornstar body but then, how many of them look as good in their 40's, not too many is the answer.

Depending on how old you both are and how many relationships you both had... I think it might just be that he was looking for some hints on how to make your sex life better. Something to help his imagination.

If he is older and should have 'grown out' of this curiosity stage, then I would worry.

Try watching one on your own, knowing the he'll 'catch' you at it and see what his reaction is. If he joins in, then it is about the two of you. If he objects, then it is only about him.

Good luck.

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