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kaboom1122 · Apr 7, 2009, 04:41 PM

you found me

You know me

You showed me;

Now I'm lost

With no one to talk to

And with nothing to prove;

It's a lonely night

& all I have is the sound of the falling rain drops

& a picture I hold to remember who I am;

I never knew

I never knew

That all I needed was to tell you the truth;

I miss the sound of your voice

I miss the rush on your skin

& I miss the still of the silence

As I breathe out & you breathe in;

I wish I could walk on water

If I could tell you what's next

Make you believe

Then make you forget.

Sunflowers · Apr 7, 2009, 04:43 PM

I like it

mudweiser · Apr 7, 2009, 04:51 PM

In my opinion it lacks depth, I can't find the structure of the poem [if there is any], and sounds like most teen poems.

Sorry if that seemed harsh.

MRS.S

kaboom1122 · Apr 7, 2009, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by Sunflowers

I like it

Thankyouu

kaboom1122 · Apr 7, 2009, 05:20 PM

Originally Posted by mudweiser

In my personal opinion it lacks depth, I can't find the structure of the poem [if there is any], and sounds like most teen poems.

Sorry if that seemed harsh.

MRS.S

Um thank you but no it does not have a structure or rhythm, like I said its my "thoughts" & feelings!

mudweiser · Apr 7, 2009, 05:24 PM

Well it's great that your writing down your thoughts or whatever feelings you have especially with the situation your going/gone through stated on your previous thread.

MRS.S

redhed35 · Apr 8, 2009, 07:34 AM

Hey,first time I read it,I thought it was missing something,the emotion was there but it was not powerful...

I read it again,out loud.. I got it.
I liked it.