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Hello estella. Thank you for coming here to share what you've written. I read both of the poems you posted. There are some positive elements, but if you're looking for suggestions, perhaps I can give you a place from which to start. In terms of what comes to my mind, I think your poems might benefit by having the obscurity knob turned down a bit. For example, although the last stanza reveals the intention of your theme, I'm not sure that the reader can follow what you're intending to suggest in the beginning and middle of the poem. Also, perhaps you can find some other ways of describing the space you want us to feel, in addition to what that space means. Just a couple of suggestions. Again, thanks for sharing. If you want to keep working on this or post other poems, we'll be here. |
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Good one again... But where is the emphasis on space? Just 2-3 lines about space would confuse the reader as to what this poem needs to convey... there are 3 aspects to writing poetry... as far as I know... one is the interest of the reader (captured through apt articulation of the situation),second is the writing tone (the flow of sentences should be smooth,understandable), third is the message to be conveyed (the reader should be able to take away some key learning from the poem,something to follow,something to look forward to in his/her life once he/she reads this poem) |
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